Simply Sonny
by supernaturaldixon
Summary: Addison is a school teacher living in New York when she becomes a victim of rape. The Special Victims Unit tries to connect the dots of the crime, leading back to a prominent family of the city. Sonny Carisi is the lead detective on her case, and the timing of them meeting could not have been worse.
1. chapter 1: Report

**Chapter 1: Report**

"Go away!" I shout through my apartment door at whoever is knocking. I keep my eyes trained on the laptop in front of me, where they have been for over an hour now replaying the same video.

"Addison, I'm with the special victims unit. Please, open the door." The man says in return to my scolding.

All I want to do is to be left alone to wallow in my misery "I didn't call you, I don't want you here. Go away!" I open the door in a huff, the sound of his knocking making my headache worse.

The man is taller then I am, blonde hair, blue eyes and a shaven face. His eyes stay focused on mine as I grill him down with a snarl "your neighbor called, she was worried about you, said she heard something's."

I scoff "of course she called." I look at the women peeking out of her door and snarl her way. "Please, just leave. I don't need a dumb old cop here pretending to care" I ignore the sympathetic gaze he's giving me when I look back to him.

"Is that what you really want? You don't look too good Addison, did somebody hurt you?" He asks, eyeing the bruise on my neck.

"Fell down the stairs, ran into a door, yaddi yadada. I'm not going to press charges, so just go." I keep my attitude up, anger building inside of me as I stand there.

"Press charges against who? What happened here?" His thick New York accent coming through as he waits at the door.

"There's nothing you or anyone else can do for me. Mrs. Blaine should've minded her own business!" I yell loudly, hoping she could hear me now that she has shut the door and retreated back into her own apartment.

He sighs lowly "why don't you just talk to me and I'll be the one to tell you what we can do for you."

He's persistent and I'm impatient. I just want him to leave so I ask "if I let you in and answer your questions, will you leave me alone?"

"Yes." He says instantly. I exhale slowly and move aside letting the officer into my apartment.

I kick at the old clothes on the floor and flop down onto my couch. He walks slowly behind me, looking around the apartment at the mess "mind if I sit?" He asks gesturing to the chair across from me.

"Sure" I mumble to him tapping my laptop shut.

He sits and takes a notepad out of the inside of his jacket "Addison, did something happen here tonight?" He asks first.

I shrug "ya, sure." I keep it short.

He coughs "let me rephrase. Did something happen here tonight that you didn't want to happen?"

I shrug again, biting my lower lip before responding "maybe."

"At any point, did you say no to what he was doing to you?" He asks next.

"And what do you presume he was doing? I don't know what my neighbor told you, but I am not going to press charges." I stand up impatiently now, raising my voice "I let you in and answered your questions and I want you to leave!" I demand pointing to my door.

"Okay. Okay." He puts a hand up and goes to put his notepad away. "Listen, I'm going to leave my card. Detective Carisi. If you change your mind, call me. And I suggest you get yourself to a hospital and looked at before showering or washing anything. We can recover evidence up to 92 hours after an assault." He drops a card on my coffee table before leaving to the door "you don't have to go through this alone." He says once at the door.

"Ya, whatever!" I slam the door once he's out and I rest my head against it breathing heavily to try and calm myself down.

It's been 6 hours since the detective was at my door and I find myself wandering into the precinct that was addressed on his card. I get up the elevator and when the door opens the sounds of people and phones is all that's heard. I follow the hallway down as men and women dressed in regular clothes and uniforms hustle around me, busy at work. When I reach the main area I look around for the familiar tall male I talked to earlier. Eventually a women with blonde hair comes over to me "can I help you?" She asks. I can see her eyeing the bruises on my neck, possibly the ones on my arms.

I look her in the eyes, willing her to look into mine "I'm looking for detective Carisi?" I ask her.

"Sure, sure. What's this about?" She responds, putting her hand near my back to usher me over to a chair.

I ignore her gesture and avert my eyes around the room again "is he here? I need to speak to him!" I demand more urgent this time around.

Just then his voice is heard from across the room "Amanda, I'm gonna go out and grab some doughnuts! Watch my--" he stops when he sees me "Addison, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?" He asks coming over.

"He came back!" I meet him where he's standing and thrust the piece of paper at him.

"What are you talking about?" He asks, eyeing me with worry.

I try to control myself but my voice just raises "he came back over after you left and stuffed this under my door!"

"Who? Who are you talking about?" He urges me to tell him.

"Jason Charles." I spit his name with disdain.

"Jason Charles? The governors son?" The women steps up next to me.

Carisi then unfolds the paper handed to him and stares at the envelope, the seal of the governors office clearly visible from where we all stand "shit" he mumbles staring at the check.


	2. Chapter 2: Convincing

I sit tapping my foot impatiently on the ground in an office. I look around and notice the plaques and photos around the desk. Sergeant Lt. Benson. The certificate of achievement is framed on the wall. A women with dark hair walks in after a few minutes and I stand to greet her "Hi. I'm lieutenant Benson, you can call me Olivia." She reaches out her hand.

"Where's detective Carisi?" I ask.

She looks to the now closed door "he's right outside. I was hoping you could tell me what happened last night? Detective Carisi told me you don't want to go to the hospital?"

"Why? So I could knocked around some more? No, thank you." I roll my eyes.

She sighs slightly "it could really help our case against this man if we had evidence. The longer you wait, the less evidence we have." She pushes.

I stand up, more aggravated now "didn't you hear who did this to me? No evidence out there is going to be able to go near this guy!" I pace a bit more now "I don't even know why I came here. I should just go!" I reach for the door.

When I open the door and lieutenant Benson calls out to me "we can help you, you just have to let us."

"I can't do this!" I shake my head looking at detective Carisi and pulling the paper from his hands and moving to leave.

"Hey, hey!" He follows me out towards the elevator leaving his desk "you can do this. You've already taken a step forward, don't give up now."

I push the button and turn to him angrily while I wait "give up? Even if you were able to help me, he's protected! He's the governor's son for God's sake! I should just take the money and move on with my life."

"You think it'll be that easy? To just move on after something like this happens? I wish it was for you, for all the others but it doesn't happen like that." He says more forcefully. The elevator door opens and the few people inside pile out. I get into the elevator quickly once it's emptied, wanting to get away from here. I push the button to go down and only when the door starts to open do I notice Carisi in the elevator with me, behind an officer. The door opens to the bottom floor and I hurriedly exit into the cold winter air. It hits me hard and I exhale slowly before turning right to go home. "Addison, please let me help you." he says staying behind me.

"Why? Why do you care?!" I yell back in the middle of the sidewalk. Some people stare at me as they pass by, one brushing my shoulder, but I don't care and keep my gaze on the man in front of me.

"Because what happened to you isn't okay, and the man responsible for this should be held accountable." He keeps my stare.

"It's not going to be that easy." I remind him.

He nods "I know." I stay standing while thinking it through for the hundredth time since it happened. All the while the detective just stares at me, waiting in the cold. "Let me take you to the hospital." He says lowly, stepping just a bit closer and placing a hand on my elbow.

I flinch just a bit and he removes his hand, holding it inches away as if to say he didn't mean to hurt or startle me. "Fine." I say back with a nod and he puts his hand back on my elbow to guide me back inside.

He quickly pulls out his phone and dials someone upstairs "yea, I'm going to take her to the hospital." He turns his head to mumble what he says but I still hear him "it's fine lieutenant, I'll stay with her. Ya, bye." He turns back to me "let's go." He directs me to the back of the building where the cars are and opens the door to the passenger side.


	3. Chapter 3: Details

"We recommend you stay here for the night but you can go if you'd like." The nurse who was with me the entire 5 hours it took to get the swabs, tests, medicine, and photos done says.

"Finally." I mutter, gathering my things in a pile. I move to the door and when I open it I spot detective Carisi standing next to it with his foot propped against the wall. "I'm done detective. Thanks for waiting."

"I told you I'd be here for you." He returns. "You sure you don't want to stay for the night?" He asks.

I shake my head "No, I just want to get a cab and get home." I rub my arm, wishing I had my jacket. Even though the clothes I was wearing wasn't what I was in during the attack they wanted to keep it for evidence anyway.

"Well, your apartment is now a crime scene so you can't go home just yet." He says slugging out of his jacket and placing it over my shoulders.

I roll my eyes "now I'm put out of my own place, great."

"Is there anyone you can call? Mom, sibling, friend?" He asks.

I shake my head "no, it's just me. I just moved to the city a few months back." I tell him honestly. I was an only child and my parents have been gone for years. I haven't made many friends out here, at least not any I would want to stay with during this.

He nods "well, the department will put you up in a hotel until you can go back" he informs "let's get back to the precinct and take your statement."

I nod and we walk to the front desk to sign myself out. The ride back to the precinct is slow and quiet. Once inside, I am seated back in the lieutenant's office and the detective sits next to me. Lieutenant Benson speaks softly "start from the beginning, how did you meet Jason?"

I sigh, thinking back to a few days ago "I knew him from college. We went to Stanford together. I haven't talked to him in years." I start explaining "he called me on Monday, told me he heard I was back in the city and wanted to meet up."

"Just like that, out of nowhere?" She asks me.

I eye her, not liking her tone "yes, out of nowhere. We haven't talked in years but we did used to have a thing our freshman year. What are you implying, I asked for this to happen to me?" I defend myself.

Detective Carisi jumps in "hey, hey, calm down. She's just asking questions. We're on your side here, we just need to cover all our basis." He tells me.

"Okay." I exhale slowly through my nose before starting again "we got together for dinner and he asked me to help him write a speech."

"A speech? For what?" Benson asks.

I explain "he was being honored for some humanitarian award, something to do with animals."

"He wanted you to write his speech? Why?" The detective asks.

I look to him "I used to help him write his essays in college. He may have been at Stanford but he wasn't the brightest of students."

"Okay, so you helped him write the speech?" The lieutenant asks.

"Yes, after dinner we went back to my apartment and wrote the speech together." I say.

"That's when he raped you?" She asked me next.

I shake my head "no, it was 2 nights later. He invited me as his date to the ceremony. I guess I drank too much and left early."

"So he took you home?" She asks more questions.

"No. He asked a driver to do it." I shake my head, the memory there but still a bit blurry. "I was dizzy and trying to stay up, not wanting a hang over when there was a knock on the door. When I went to open it I was pushed inside and attacked."

Carisi now asks "did he say anything to you?"

"No. He had a mask on, he just pushed me down--" I'm interrupted before finishing my sentence.

"Wait, he was wearing a mask? How do you know it was him then?" Lieutenant Benson asks me, her eyes concerned.

"Because the camera outside my door caught him on tape! He knocked on the door then put the mask on before I answered." I explain.

She looks to detective Carisi now "well, if it that's the case then CSU should have the tape and we should be set." She looks back to me now "you did really good Addison, really good. Now, what happened next?" She asks.

"Wait, I have to still tell you what happened? Isn't that enough?" I ask, really not ready to relive it all over again.

This time she shakes her head "we need to know everything. I know this is going to be hard for you, so take your time." Her voice is softer then it has been. I nod once and slowly begin to go over the gruesome details of my rape.


	4. Chapter 4: Questions

"Detective Carisi?" I call out once outside the lieutenant's office. He turns to look at me "can I go to that hotel now?" After going over everything in detail with the two of them, lieutenant Benson wanted me to sign a statement. It's been over 24 hours since the incident and I can't bare to be in my own skin anymore.

He walks over "sure, let me tell the boss I'm taking you." He holds up a finger and walks past me. I wait holding his jacket still around me for him to return and when he does he walks me back to the same car from before. We go into a hotel and over to the check in desk "It's not the Ritz Carlton but it's nice, you'll be comfortable here."

"Thanks." I mumble and wait as he talks to the man behind the desk. After 5 minutes or so he hands me a key and walks me to my door. "Okay Addison, we'll contact you soon. If you need anything, give me a call. You did really good." He pats me on the shoulder.

"Thank you detective." I whisper back, ready to just get in and clean myself off. He smiles and nods before going to walk away. I go into the room, lock all 3 locks and quickly peel everything off and get into the shower before it even gets hot. I stay in there for over an hour, rubbing my skin raw with hot water and soap. I used everything the bathroom has to try and clean off but I don't feel clean enough. I wrap myself in a towel, my hair as well and head out of the bathroom. I try to stay distracted by watching T.V but I can't get my mind off of that night, off of what he did to me. In the rush of everything I forgot my cell phone back in my apartment, which I won't be able to get back into at least for the night. I decide to try and get something into my stomach and order room service. The burger and fries arrive 45 minutes after I order them but they sit in front of me, barely touched. I lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling not sure what to do for the rest of the night. I called out of work for the rest of the week. My boss wasn't happy but at this point, I could care less.

The phone rings and stirs me out of whatever semi slumber I was in. I groggily walk to the phone and answer it with hesitation "hello?" I ask.

"Addison, this is detective Rollins. We're going to need you to come in and answer some more questions." She tells me.

"Oh. Uhm. Okay. What time is it?" I ask her, rubbing my eyes.

"It's 2 in the afternoon." She answers.

"What?" I ask, turning to the clock on the wall. I just fell asleep like 20 minutes ago, it couldn't really already be 2 in the afternoon. "Ok. Yea, I'll come in now." I tell her.

"Thanks." She says and I hung up the phone. I quickly put on the a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt that was given to me at the precinct and make my way out of the hotel. As I walk down the road I can't help but feel self-conscious, like everyone around is looking at me strangely and judging me. I keep turning around, waiting for Jason to be behind me and do everything all over again. I slink back into the station and the first person I see if Rollins at a desk. I walk over to her and cough to grab her attention from the screen she is staring at. "Thanks for coming in Addison, I have some questions for you." She smiles a fake smile and walks me to an interrogation room. She sits me down and returns a few minutes later with a computer screen. "We got the security camera from your building and the surrounding area. Now, you said Jason got a driver to take you home?" She asks.

"That's right." I return. She pulls up the video feed and I pull up my apartment in a yellow taxi. She pauses it for me and then looks to me for an answer. "He dropped me off at the wrong street. I didn't even realize it until I was trying to get into the wrong building. I hailed a taxi." I explain.

"Alright." She clicks a few buttons and it moves to the camera in my apartment building. "Whoever did this was well aware of the cameras in the building. Every angle we have his face is shaded away. So tell me how you know this is Jason when he never shows his face?" She pauses it when he knocks on my door, about to put the mask on.

I snarl towards her "because if you fast forward it an hour or so when he leaves you'll see when he takes his mask off when walking away he has a tattoo on his neck." She eyes me but does as I say and fast forwards the tape. When the door opens again she lets it play and I watch for the third time him waltz away from the apartment like he did nothing wrong and me yelling after him in tears on the ground.

"So, sometime after the rape you got your hands on this tape? How did that happen?" She asks next.

I sigh, annoyed with all these questions "I learned a few hacker tricks when I was in Stanford. The apartment security system isn't high end, it took 20 minutes to get a hold of it." I tell her honestly. "Are you seriously thinking this wasn't Jason?" I push "That's the exact dragon tattoo he has on his back! I would know, I was with him when he got it!"

"Okay, calm down. We just had to clarify everything. We're on your side." She puts her hands up to assure me.

"Sure doesn't seem like it. Can I go now?" I ask her, not wanting to be there anymore.

"Yes, but please stay local." She tells me.

I scoff towards her and open the interrogation room door to leave. Lieutenant Benson stands at the window, looking at me and I excuse myself past her. I go to leave when detective Carisi spots me "Addison, what are you doing here?" He asks.

"Your lieutenant here doesn't believe me." I snarl at him "had the blonde interrogate me."

He looks to the dark haired women behind me with questioning eyes. "We had some follow up questions after reviewing the tape. Listen," she comes closer to us "we do believe you. This is going to be a tough case given who this man's father is. We are just being thorough before moving forward." She assures him and me.

"So you are going to move forward with this?" I ask her.

"Yes. I am going to call our ADA now to talk about our future steps. Please, go back to the hotel and wait for us to call with more information." She encourages me.

"Sure." I sigh, not sure I'm ready for everything to be going forward so quickly.


	5. Chapter 5: Followed

Another 3 days go by in the hotel before I can finally go back to my apartment. I haven't heard much from the detectives at Special Victims and I'm okay with that, not ready to move forward with everything. I walk into the apartment and it is more of a mess then when I left. There are more clothes on the floor, cabinets left open, and paper all over the place. I go over to my cell phone first, not surprised when it is dead. I plug it in and start to pick up the apartment. I don't stop until it is spotless and everything is moved around and changed. It's now 11 P.M and I check my phone. I have 17 new text messages and 3 voicemail's. I open the first message but freeze when I see it is from Jason. I throw the phone back down onto the bed before I could read it and stand there, not sure what to do next. Moments turn into minutes before I hastily grab it off the stand and throw it out the open window, wanting to know nothing of what he said to me.

The alarm goes off at 530 A.M. Time to get up and get ready to return to work. It wasn't hard to get out of bed when I can't sleep for more than 2 hours a night before waking up reliving the nightmare again. I take another shower and get ready to go into work. Once there, I walk into my classroom and prepare for my students to arrive. I teach 2nd grade a local elementary school. The day begins and the constant chatter of my students help take my mind off of everything that happened. During lunch, the principal comes into my room to ask me about my absence. "Are you alright? Ms. Holder told me she tried to contact you but you never answered her messages. We were worried about you." He says taking a seat.

I smile back softly "Yes, I'm sorry. I haven't been able to check my messages. Something happened and I had to take care of it." I try not to explain further.

"Well, we are glad to have you back. The budget is tight as you know and subs are hard to come by." He reminds me, staying political.

"I understand." I assure him I understand. He nods and leaves me alone in my room. The bell to the end of the day rings at 3:00 and the students rush out of the school. I watch them skip and run down the halls and I feel some kind of hope resurface inside of me. I finish my plans for the rest of the week and go head back home.

As I exit the front of the school detective Carisi steps from the side of the building "Addison." He calls out to me. I stop walking and allow him to meet up with me "we've been trying to reach you, what happened to your phone?" He asks.

"I got rid of it. What do you need?" I ask him, worried about what they were looking for me for.

He eyes me, probably not sure why I got rid of my phone but moves past it "we brought in Jason." He says.

"And?" I ask, trying not to hold my breath.

"Lets walk. I know a nice cafe 3 blocks away." He suggests to me.

I nod "okay" and I follow besides him, waiting to get inside somewhere and hear what he has to say.

"So, it's right up here." He points forward towards a shop on the corner.

"Okay" I mutter, not sure why he's pointing when we are so close by. Suddenly he turns towards me, startling me and I move backwards against a window. "Detective?" I ask, breathing heavily, my nerves turning me insides out.

Both his hands are on either side of me, pinning me against the wall. He stands close to me, his breath blowing across my face "I think we are being followed." He whispers to me then smiles softly.

"What?" I go to look around.

"Don't look." His voice is still low but firm. "Just keep your eyes on me."

"Uhm, okay. What are we doing" I ask him still worried. I see his eyes focused on the the glass I am pushed against to my right, looking at something. I try to calm my breath while he does whatever it is he is doing "detective Carisi?"

"Call me Sonny." He brings his blue eyes back to mine and the same small smile stays plastered on his face. "I'm going to move a piece of your hair, rub my hand against your cheek. I need you to chuckle right now, like I said something funny." He whispers. I do as he says and chuckle, turning my cheek just a little to add to it. His smile widens as he does what he says, removing a piece of hair from my face and rubbing his thumb across my cheek. "We're going to keep walking a few blocks before I call my lieutenant. Take my hand and just walk forward, turn right at the corner. Alright?" He directs then asks, now putting all of his hand on my cheek gently. I nod to confirm, still not able to form words. He lowers his other hand from the wall and offers his hand to me. I take his hand as he said to do and we walk together.

I try everything I can to keep my attention forward, to not look around me for whomever he thinks is following us. After 10 minutes of walking hand in hand, he finally releases it and pulls out his phone. He pushes 2 buttons on his phone and switches it to his left ear. He wraps an arm around my shoulders keeping up the facade "they still following us?" I ask as he waits for someone to answer.

"Not sure, better safe than sorry." He says. "Lieutenant, we have a situation." He starts off "I was walking with Addison to talk to her about the case when I noticed that we were being followed. Yah, Yah, I think we got away but I don't think she should go back to her apartment." He nods once, twice, three times before agreeing "Okay, yah, will do." He hangs up and puts the phone away.

"What'd she say?" I ask him, eager to get off the street and somewhere safe.

"Just follow me." He says simply and pulls me into a furniture store.


	6. Chapter 6: Bella

"Where are we?" I ask now that we've paid a third taxi and have driven around different blocks for an hour. He opens a door with a key and I follow him up some stairs.

"My sister's place." He says as he walks over to a door and knocks.

"What?" I ask, but before I could get an answer a women answers the door with an apron around her waist and a phone in her hand.

"Dominick, what are you doin' here?" Her Staten Island accent somehow more thick than his.

He shakes his head "I told you to call me Sonny, Bella." He leans down and kisses her on the cheek.

"You brought a girl home?" He questions eyeing me with something strange.

I shake my head, trying to clear up the misconception floating around in the air but Carisi does it for me "don't you read you texts? I told you I had to come by with a victim, it's a long story Bella, but I need her to stay here for the night." He walks further into the room.

Bella ushers me inside and shuts the door with a thud behind me "I haven't talked to you in a week and you show up with some girl telling me she needs to stay. What is this all about?" She asks going into the kitchen.

I hear a baby cry from somewhere else in the area and detective Carisi is out of sight for only a moment before returning with an adorable baby in his arms "I can't give you details but can you do that for me? Until we can get her somewhere safe tomorrow?" He asks her, rocking the baby back and forth.

His sister stands there bewildered but eventually sighs out with a small smile "I can't say no while you are are playing the doting uncle. Fine, yes, she can stay." She ushers back over to me, a spoon in her hand "I'm Bella."

"Addison." I return shaking her hand. After releasing it she turns her back and returns to the pot on the stove. "Uhm, detective Carisi--" I call to him to get his attention "can I talk to you?"

He nods with a smile and walks back over to me near the door "I told you, call me Sonny."

"Right. Sonny." I mentally try to make that note stick. "It's really nice of your sister to let me stay but I don't want to intrude. I can get my own hotel for the night, it's not a big deal."

"No, we can't have you using your cards or anything right now. If you are being followed by Jason or someone he has hired then that would be an easy way to find you." He explains.

"Why would he hire someone to follow me?" I ask confused "what happened when you brought him in" I push for answers, remembering only now that he was suppose to tell me about it at the cafe.

"Come in." He suggests walking over to the small couch in the room. He sits down with the happy baby and I sit down next to him, waiting for answers. "He swears he didn't do anything and believes he is being framed." He explains to me.

"What?" I ask loudly, causing the baby to adjust uncomfortably in Sonny's arm. I look to him with an apologetic look and continue "but you have evidence! The video, the rape kit!"

He nods "I know. The video is strong evidence but we are just waiting for his DNA to come back and we'll have him for good."

I shake my head still not understanding why he would follow me "why would he follow me or have someone follow me?" I ask the questions circulating in my head.

He shrugs "You did say he came to you to pay you off, maybe he wants to offer you more money? I don't know, but we're gonna keep you safe until we figure it out."

I believe him and smile slightly "she's beautiful." I say looking down at the baby in his arms.

"Wanna hold her?" He asks adjusting just a little to hand her to me.

I shake my head "no, that's okay. She's happy with you." I decline.

Bella comes into the living room "the least you could do for me is stay for dinner, Dominick. Tommy is working late tonight, I could use some help with her." She says to him eyeing the baby.

"I'll stay" he returns looking to her.

I look between the two of them, amazed how much they look alike "is it just you two?" I ask as she sets the table.

Sonny laughs "no. I have 2 other sisters as well."

"Poor Dominick was raised surrounded by women, it's why he's so good at his job!" Bella compliments him.

He blushes "stop" and puts the little girl in a baby chair. We sit down and Bella and Sonny join hands, both of their other hands waiting for me to connect "oh" I exclaim, understanding their waiting to say grace. I slowly grab both their hands and bow my head, familiar with how this works. Sonny prays "Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen."

Bella and I recite Amen after and the 2 of them do the sign of the cross. Sonny starts by serving Bella and myself before putting food on his plate. "So Addison, what do you for a living?" She asks, spinning the spaghetti with a fork.

I do the same, just spinning it, not really hungry "I'm a teacher." I say back.

"Do you like that? I always thought i'd be a good teacha." She says back.

"You'd be a terrible teacher!" Sonny laughs back at her "you don't know your cities from our states." He mocks.

She slaps him on the arm "shut up! I know Albany is the capital of New York and that's all that matta's." She turns her attention back to me "besides, I wasn't talking to you Dominick."

"So is Dominick your first name, or Sonny?" I ask the detective making conversation.

"Dominick Carisi Junior." He speaks with his mouth full. He finishes chewing before continuing "I prefer Sonny though."

"Where did that nickname come from?" I ask.

He and Bella laugh "a story for another time." He says with a smirk. The rest of the dinner is just a lot of back and forth between Bella and Sonny, occasionally she will ask me a question that I answer with few words. After dinner, Carisi begins to clear off the table and I take that time to move to sink and start doing dishes. "I'll do that, go relax." He offers dropping the last plate into the sink.

I shake my head as he takes the dish I'm washing from my hand "that's alright. I'd like to help." I tell him.

He eyes me with a side glance and tosses me a hand towel "you can dry." He smirks.


	7. Chapter 7: Chit-Chat

"Yea, I'll be right in." Sonny says into the phone now coming back into the kitchen as I finish helping Bella put the dry dishes away. "I have to go in. Bella," he steps to hug his sister "thanks for doing this." He moves over to me "Addison, I'll be back tomorrow and we'll move from there. You'll be safe here." He puts his hand on my arm to reassure me.

"Ok. Thank you." I say to him and turn to Bella "and thank you."

Sonny leaves the apartment and I awkwardly sit in the living room while Bella grabs a pillow and blanket for me to use. "Yanno, I don't know you or what happened but I'm glad your here." She says passing them over to me.

"Thanks" I mutter sheepishly "it's actually nice to be around someone." I tell her honestly. It's been just me and police since the incident. I haven't been able to just talk to someone without thinking about what happened. "So, how old is Anastasia?"

"10 months." She beams looking over at the little girl. "She's a blessing. You want kids?" She asks me.

I shrug "I guess. If I meet the right guy and everything."

She chuckles "yea, I don't know if Tommy is the right guy or not but he's a good father. He tries his best to take care of us, to do right by us." She changes direction "you been in the city long?" She questions.

"Almost a year, it's an interesting place to live. Never dull." I think back to the first month here, the noise all night keeping me up and the crowded streets making it impossible to get anywhere on time.

"You're telling me. I can't wait to get back to Staten Island, raise her in a proper neighborhood." She moves to grab something from the bottom of the coffee table. She passes me the photo album and scoots closer on the couch "look" she flips to the first page "that's were Sonny and I grew up."

"It's so small!" I exclaim at the cute one story house, covered by the snow of a New York winter. "How many of you were there?" I ask.

"4 kids, 2 parents and 3 dogs!" She smiles stifling a laugh.

"Wow" I exhale slowly. I turn the page looking at all the photos "I was an only child and we lived in a big home. No pets or anything, just me." I tell her.

"It may have been a pain in the ass growing up, but I wouldn't change a thing." She tells me.

"So, you want to have more kids?" I ask her.

She nods "of course. Just not yet, we want to be able to provide for them all, give them everything they deserve." She confides "Anastasia was a blessing, God's gift, yanno?" She asks.

"Sure." I mumble back.

"You don't believe in God?" She asks.

I shrug "I used to, until recently." I look away ashamed.

Her soft voice pulling me back in "I get it. I know what Sonny does for a living. But God could really help you through it. I won't push ya, you gotta figure it out on your own."

"Thanks." I say, happy to hear she won't push it any further.

"You want a glass of wine or anything?" She asks standing up. I shake my head no to decline "well don't mind me, it's been a long day." She leaves the room to pour herself a glass. We spend the next 4 hours talking.

There's a knock on the door around 9 A.M. Bella already up to take care of Anastasia. Her husband came home around 3 A.M and we had a short introduction before he stumbled into bed exhausted. Bella answers the door and Sonny walks in "you ready to go? We got another hotel all set up." He asks me.

"Yes." I turn my attention to Bella to thank her "Thank you for letting me stay here, it was really nice to meet you and your little one. She's beautiful."

"Hold on. You can't just put her up in a hotel Dominick!" Her voice is hard "she can stay here, as long as it takes."

I shake my head "no, no. Really, I can't put you out any more than I already have."

"Stop." She holds up one index finger at me "She isn't going to a hotel. Got it?" She then turns her finger to her brother, pointing at him.

He holds up his hands "wow, wow, calm down. It's not up to me." He eyes me, wanting me to make a choice.

Although I had a good night here, I can't just impose on her life. It's great of her to offer me to stay but it's just not a good idea. I shake my head yet again to decline "Bella, that's really nice but I can not impose on you and your family."

"You won't be. I enjoyed having someone here to talk to. Tommy and Anastasia don't hold much conversation. And then Sonny will know where you'll be." She tries to convince me further.

"I don't know." I bite my lower lip.

She eyes her brother "tell her Sonny."

He smirks from her to me "she's persistent, she'll hound you nonstop till you agree."

My lips fold up into a small toothless smile and I nod "sure, I'll stay for now. Thank you." She smiles proudly and walks away "can I go to my apartment to get some things?" I ask him, wanting to change my clothes.

"I went and grabbed somethings for you, they are down in the car." He explains "we need you to come in and do a line-up."

I spit the first question that comes into my head "why would that matter? I used to date him, of course I'm able to I.D him." I say.

"It'll be a different kind of line-up. He'll be behind a wall, he won't see you." He assures.

Just then another male voice is calling out from the hall "Carisi, we goin' or what?"

Carisi pops his head out "ya, ya. We're comin'." He turns back to me "ready?" He asks.

I take a deep breathe and walk out of the apartment with him and the male waiting introduces himself "hi Addison, I'm detective Tutuola." He says simply.

"Hi." I simply say back.

"Let's go do a line-up" Detective Tutuola affirms and the three of us leave Bella's home.


	8. Chapter 8: Line-Up

"What, what is this?" I ask now that the window to the line-up is open and the men are standing with their shirts off and back's to me. All of them have dragon tattoos on their back, all very much the same.

"Can you identify the man who attacked who?" Lieutenant Benson asks me.

I shake my head, looking at all the tattoo's "can't they turn around?" I ask looking between her, Sonny and 2 lawyers.

The shorter lawyer who explained how the line-up works to me explains "we just need you to identify the tattoo you saw that night."

I try to distinguish the differences on the back's of these men but they all look so a like. "She can't, this is a waste of my client's time." The other lawyer says, the one who must be defending

"Hold on, give her time." Sonny encourages me "just focus Addison, you can do this."

I take a further look through the the window at all the back's and exhale as I give a number "three. That's Jason." I say to them. Lieutenant Benson knocks on the window three times and Sonny ushers me out of the room. "Was that right? Was that Jason?" I ask him. He just keeps walking me into the lieutenant office.

Eventually Benson and the lawyer come into the office, asking Sonny to leave. The door shuts and the lawyer, who reintroduces himself as ADA Barba sits down next to me "You correctly identified Jason Charles in the line-up but that's just step one. This is going to be a long road, are you prepared for that?" He asks me.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask him.

"I just want to make sure there is nothing we are missing. No other checks sent to you, no other rendezvous between you two." Barba clarifies his underlying questioning.

I stand up, angered by what he is saying "I'm sick of being treated like the criminal. I was raped, and you guys pressured me to come forward. I shouldn't have to do your job for you!" I leave the room and go to head out of the precinct.

"Addison!" Jason's voice freezes me in place and I turn my head to where it came from. "Addi! What's going on? They keep telling me they have evidence that I raped you! Addison!" He keeps calling to me, trying to get to me.

His lawyer tries to hold him, but no one is holding me and I quickly walk over towards him. Anger flooding me "Why would you do this to me! Why? You raped me!" I yell and as I reach him I slap him with all my force across the face. "Why?" I yell louder.

I'm now being pulled back by someone, Jason as well as he calls back to me "I didn't Addison, I didn't, you have to believe me!"

"You're a rapist!" I shout once more before a door shuts in front of my face and the hands holding me back let me go.

I turn and see Sonny and detective Tutuola looking at me "you're alright. He's gone now, calm down." Sonny says in a low soothing voice.

"We weren't expecting you to leave, sorry about that." Finn adds on.

I just nod my head and focus on my breathing. My hands continue to shake and Finn leaves to get me a drink of water. I accept it and slurp it down slowly, allowing myself to feel the cold water go down my throat "let's get you out of here." Sonny says once I've finished. I nod and he drives me back to his sister's apartment.

We get inside and Sonny explains what happens to Bella. She offers me a shower and I happily accept, wanting to clean myself off. I don't know how long I'm in there for but I use all the hot water. After I get out, I search through the bag Sonny bought for me for something to wear. I find a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to throw on but no under garments. I walk out of the room with my arms around my chest and walk over to Sonny as he stands playing with his niece. "Thanks for getting my things, but I don't have any undergarments."

He shyly looks away from me when answering "yah, sorry. It didn't feel right going through those drawers."

I smile "that's sweet but I kinda need something." I tell him.

Bella pipes in from the kitchen "We can go shopping!" Her voice giddy with excitement.

"I don't have any cash." I say back, happy to have an excuse.

Sonny adds on "you can take my card, get some undergarments. I was the one who didn't bring you any."

"I couldn't do that." I decline.

"Please, just take it." Sonny takes out his wallet and pulls out a card to try and hand me the card.

I keep shaking my head not accepting the card when Bella comes around the corner and quickly swipes it out of his hands "thank you!" She beams and looks to me "go put something else on and we'll get going. Sonny, will you be back for dinner?" She asks him.

"Sure." He says and she nods, leaning down to pick up her baby. Sonny leaves the apartment before we do and I wait as she gets the baby ready to go.


	9. Chapter 9: Babysitting

"What's the damage?" Sonny asks now that we are sitting at the dinner table.

Bella looks at me then to her brother with a smirk "well, Addison only bought like 4 cheap things. Me, on the other hand" she looks to her fiance "I got something really nice for our night out on Friday." She winks to him.

"Alright, alright. Calm down Juliet." He makes a disgusted face "where are you guys going Friday night?" He asks them as she places the food on the table.

Bella takes her seat and everyone joins hands for the prayer. Tommy recites it this time "Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen." The three of them do the sign of the cross and I wait to be served. "My co-worker is gettin' married out in Jersey City. Real fancy place." Tommy tells him.

"Fancy? Jersey City?" Sonny asks trying to hide a grin.

"We were hoping you'd come over and watch Anastasia. We don't really wanna take a baby on the train and everything." Bella pleads to her brother, cutting the chicken on her plate.

Sonny shrugs "you know I have work, what happens if I get called in?" He asks.

Bella responds, already having figured that "well can't you drop her off at Amanda's then? I mean she's sort of close to the precinct."

Sonny shakes his head "aw, come on Bella. I can't just dump a baby on someone else's sitter." He argues.

"I could watch her?" I suggest " I mean, if he gets called in and you need someone."

I take a quick bite of food after saying that, worried I overstepped. Tommy and Bella look at each other as if they are thinking about it and Sonny responds "you don't have to do that."

"It's the least I could do, I'm staying here and everything. It's only a plan B, if you do get called into work." I say.

"See! It works out perfectly!" Bella smiles happily.

"Fine." He rolls his eyes and eats his food.

2 days go by and it's Friday afternoon. Bella and Tommy get dressed up and get ready to leave Sonny and I at their apartment with Anastasia. "Okay, the number of the hotel is on the fridge!" She packs things into a bag as she spits out directions "she has milk in the fridge and some extras in the freezer. She goes to bed at 6, naps 2 times a day-"

"I got it, I got it. I've watched her before." Sonny bounces the little girl on his lap.

"Never over night" Bella argues. "If you have any questions, call me right away, I'll keep my phone on vibrate." She makes Sonny stand up with her daughter and hugs them both, giving the little girl a kiss on her cheek. Tommy grabs their bag and opens the front door, leading the way out of the apartment "Thank you Sonny, thank you Addison." She smiles one last time before closing the door behind her.

I stand up and lock it "So, what are you going to do today?" I ask going back to the couch.

"I was thinking we could take this one to the park down the street!" He tosses her ever so slightly into the air and catches her, my heart stopping that 1 second she's air born.

"we?" I ask him.

He looks over "well yah, I didn't think you'd wanna be cooped up in here all weekend."

"Is that safe?" I ask next.

He nods to assure me "no one followed you here, there's no way they know you're in this neighborhood. You'll be fine. Besides, I'll be with the entire time."

"Alright." I say back slowly agreeing.

We take Anastasia to the park and spend the afternoon pushing her in the swing and sliding down the slides with her

We take Anastasia to the park and spend the afternoon pushing her in the swing and sliding down the slides with her. Around 4 we decide to head back and get started on dinner. "Oh my goodness, she is adorable!" A random women comes up to the stroller as we wait for a light to turn. "She has your eyes!" She looks to Sonny and then to me "It's so nice to see family out and spending time together!" She claps her hands together.

"Oh" I blurt out at her assumption "No, no.-"

But Sonny interrupts me "Thank you mam', I'm a lucky man." He smiles back putting a hand on my shoulder. We then move into the street now that the light has turned.

"What was that?" I ask him once we turn right and she goes straight.

He snickers "it's just easier to let her assume then try to explain it. Besides, it made her happy. Why confuse and embarrass her?"

I nod agreeing in silence and letting the wind fill my eyes until we get back inside. Once there, I start to make dinner while Sonny got Anastasia cleaned up and ready for bed. She eats after her bath and falls asleep quickly, before her bed time. "I'm not the best cook, so I hope it's good." I say as Sonny sits down at the table.

"Looks delicious." He says and opens his hand for me to take and pray.

"Oh." I say taking his hand, still not used to praying before dinner.

He speaks lowly with his eyes closed. "Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen."

"Amen" I add on.

He serves the pasta and asks "so, your not the prayin' type, huh?"

"Not really, not in a while. I'm just trying to be polite." I tell him honestly.

" I get it," he returns "but after everything you went through, religion might help you more than you think." I go to say something back "and that's all I'll say on that matter. I get it."

"Thanks," I mumble back "and thanks again for introducing me to your sister. She is really nice, I'm thankful that she's allowing me to stay here."

He takes a bite, waiting to finish chewing before speaking "you don't have to keep thanking me Addison, it's all good." He says. We spend the rest of dinner talking about our childhood.


	10. Chapter 10: Out

We sit on the couch and watch wheel of fortune. Sonny's phone rings and he excuses himself and goes to another room. When he comes back in his eyes are shadowed with something, averted from mine "What's wrong?" I ask, worried it was Bella who called.

When he comes back in his eyes are shadowed with something, averted from mine "What's wrong?" I ask, worried it was Bella who called

"There's uh.. that was Benson." He sits next to me. I wait with a knot in my stomach for him to go on "they got the evidence back from your rape kit. There was a problem with the chain of custody and uhh, that evidence is out." He tell me "I'm so sorry Addison." He puts his hand on my knee.

"What?" I spit with my mouth gaped open. "How.. how-" but I don't complete my sentence, not sure what to even say. He doesn't say anything either and my heart beats inside my chest as I think through everything that happened since Jason called me over two weeks ago. "I'm.. I'm trying to be strong here detective but I don't know-" I put my hand to my stomach "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Hey, hey" he puts a finger to my chin, lifting it up slightly "we're gonna get whoever did this to you, I promise." He affirms.

"What do you mean whoever?" I question "It was Jason Charles. You don't believe me either?" I ask lowly. He's the one who came to my apartment, he's been there the whole time and now he doubts me too.

He inhales deeply "that's the other thing. Even though the evidence is out, they ran the DNA and it didn't match Jason's. He's not your rapist." Everything stops then. I feel myself go numb and my brain go blank. What is he saying? How could it not be Jason? I saw his tattoo, I know it was him. "Addison, breathe. Breathe." Sonny's voice calls to me and brings my attention back to reality. "I promise we'll get this guy." He says again.

"How?" I ask in a whisper, letting a tear escape my eye. He pulls me close into his chest and I let myself weep for the first time since it happened. This whole time I thought I knew who did this to me, I thought that made it worse. But now I see that it's not. Not knowing who did this is worse, it could be anyone on the street. It could be someone I met once a long time ago or a complete stranger. When I wake up, the room is dark and only the light from the television illuminates my surroundings. The volume on mute and my feet rested across Sonny's lap. "Carisi?" I whisper to him, trying to wake him up. "Carisi?" I say again sitting up and off of him.

"Mmmm." he stirs awake "I told you, call me Sonny." His eyes continue to flicker to get used to the dark.

"Sorry" I whisper back "and I'm sorry about before." I refer to me crying and falling asleep on him.

He shakes his blonde hair, which is now more disheveled "don't be. I'm sorry I had to give you that news, I know this can't be easy for you."

"I just-" and sigh out before continuing "I just want to move on, and I thought after the line-up treat things would get easier." I tell him honestly.

"You think about talking to someone about all this?" He asks me.

"I am." I say back with a smile even though he probably can't see it.

He chuckles "yea, you are." He says simply. "But a professional would be able to give you better advice then some dumb ol' cop." He says quoting the insult I threw at him the night he came to my apartment.

I laugh back at him "I didn't mean that." I say. He holds up his hand and nods, knowing that I didn't mean what I said "and besides, I'm a teacher, I could never afford a therapist." I shake my head.

"We can give you numbers. There are groups and therapists that will work with you, no cost." He tells me.

I shrug "I guess I could look into it." I yawn, feeling tired again. "but I'm gonna go back to bed, I'm actually tired right now." I say to him, putting my head back down on the pillow and closing my eyes.

"Goodnight Adds." Sonny says back.

I lift my head "you're gonna stay here, on the couch?" I ask, wondering why he wouldn't go to the bedroom.

"If that's okay? I'm pretty comfortable here." He eyes me. I nod once and put my head back on the pillow again, feeling more comfortable with him there anyway.

"Addison?" A voice calls to me and I flutter my eyes open quickly, my heart beating fast. "Just me, Sonny." He holds up his hand.

"Sorry, I'm still jumpy." I tell him, sitting up and pushing the blanket off of me.

"I have to go into the office. I made a pot of coffee and Anastasia is in her playpen. Would you mind watching her until they get back?"

"Of course!" I nod, rubbing the crust from my eyes. That was the best nights sleep I got since the attack "we'll hang out and watch cartoons." I mumble standing up to go pick up the little girl.

"You're the best! Thanks! Call me if you need anything." He says throwing on his jacket over his three suit vest. He leans down towards me and kisses me on the cheek. I freeze up and he steps away awkwardly, realizing what he just did. "I'm so sorry about that Addison. I-I don't know why I just did that." He apologizes quickly his blue eyes wide with regret.

" He apologizes quickly his blue eyes wide with regret

"It's okay, no worries." I shake my head trying to think of it as nothing.

"You sure?" He asks, heading to the door.

"Positive. I'll see you later." I affirm and he nods leaving the apartment. I lock the door behind him and turn the television on to a children's network channel. While sitting with Anastasia in my lap, I try not to think about Sonny's smooth cheek and soft lips brushing against my cheek.


	11. Chapter 11: Evidence

"Baby, we're home!" Bella bubbles into the apartment with a smile on her face. "Sonny? Addison? She calls out afterwards just as the door opens.

"Hey! How was the wedding?" I ask her when she comes into the door, her fiance close behind her.

"Fancy! Had a nice steak for dinner and everything." She tells me, leaning down to pick up her daughter. "Did you have a good time with Uncle Sonny?" She bounces her up and down as she coo's.

"We went to the park yesterday, it was great." I tell her. "Do you mind if I shower? Sonny left early this morning and I wasn't able to get one in before he left." I ask her a few minutes later.

"Of course, you don't have to ask Addison." She smiles gently to me and I nod gratefully. After showering, I get dressed and start to blow dry my hair. When I am done, I head out of the bathroom and to the kitchen to ask how I can help around the apartment. I feel bad just hanging around here and want to somehow make it up to her. As I walk out of the bathroom she lifts up her head "Sonny called, they need you to go into the precinct."

"Oh, okay. Did he say what for?" I ask.

She shakes her head no "No, just asked you to come in when you could."

"Okay. Thanks!" I smile and put my shoes on so I can head out. The cold air hits me hard as I walk to the subway station. I wait for the car to arrive in the crowded underground terminal. The smells and sounds keeping me distracted from reality. I don't know why they called me in but it obviously has to do with the case. I want to believe they found who did this to me but I don't know how fast that could've actually happened. The train car pulls into the station and I scoot past the many people piling in and out before the doors closes again. When I get to the station, I walk the familiar hallway to the crowded room and look for any one of the detectives I have met. I spot detective Rollins first and make my way over to her. "Hi, detective Rollins?" I utter.

She turns at the call of her name "Yes? Oh, Hi Addison. We're glad you were able to come in so quickly." She puts her arm behind me and starts to walk me to a room "we have somethings to go over. Why don't you take a seat in here and I'll go tell Benson you're waiting." She opens the door to an interrogation room.

I wait for half an hour before the two of them return, a file in lieutenant Benson's hand. They sit down across from me and Benson speaks first "So, I know detective Carisi told you about what happened with the DNA." I nod, letting her know I remember "well, we can't use anything we got from that evidence but I can tell you we did get something useful."

"What?" I ask, sitting closer to the table eagerly.

"So even though it wasn't Jason who raped you, the DNA matches someone related to him." Detective Rollins says this but I don't process it right away. Someone related? I think to myself, how do they even know that? "Does Jason have any brothers, cousins?" She asks me.

I shake my head, trying to think back to the year we dated "No, no he's an only child. I think his father is too. I don't, I don't understand." I say to them.

Benson addresses me "I know this is hard, but I really need you to think about that night. Was there anything else distinguishable about him besides the tattoo?" She encourages me to think back to the worst day of my life.

I close my eyes, trying to push it out from my head. "I can't, please." I plead with them.

Rollins tries "We know, but any detail you could give us that you may have forgotten would help us. Let us walk you through it." She offers.

"Walk me through it?" I raise my voice "I speak to you only when something is wrong and you want to walk me through it?"

Benson looks to Rollins who bites her upper lip. Benson leans in and whispers something and Rollins stands up and leaves the room. "Would you be more comfortable talking to detective Carisi?" She asks.

I eye her, thinking about how to answer that question. Of course I won't be more comfortable talking about my rape to anyone, but I want to help get the guy who did this to me off the street. If I have to go through it all again, going through it with him there would be better then with any of the other detectives I've met. I nod my head to agree and the door opens as if on cue and Carisi walks in, leaving the door open and sitting where Rollins just was. As he sits, Benson stands and leaves us there. "Addison, take your time. You don't have to go there if your not ready." He starts off.

I nod frantically, trying to prepare myself for this. "I just, I don't know what else I'm going to be able to offer. I told you everything." I tell him, looking down at my fingernails.

"Details are tricky," he says "there could be things that seemed like nothing at the time but can give us more. You might have seen something that you don't realize is relevant."

"Okay." I exhale, ready to go into that dark place.

"How'd I do?" I ask, tears sliding down my face. I went over every detail with lieutenant Benson weeks ago but this time was worse. More questions, more time spent frozen in the moments, more visuals.

Sonny's hand rests on mine "you did great." He encourages with a small smile. He turns his head over his shoulder and Benson walks back into the room.

She returns to the same seat she was in before and pushes over a box of tissues. "You gave us something, thank you Addison." Her voice is low and sincere but it's her eyes that tell me I did what I needed to do.

"What? What did I give you?" I ask, looking between the two.

"He has a tic." She smirks.

"A tic?" I question, not following.

Sonny tries to explain "you said his blinking was rapid, that he was focused but his eyes just wouldn't stop blinking." I agree with a head nod "that's more than likely a tic, something involuntary, a medical condition." He explain.

"How does that help?" I question further.

"We can't use the DNA we have, but we can start looking through medical records. We'll pull in Mr. Charles, figure out where this connection is and move forward. Great work Addison." Benson says again before standing and going to leave the room.


	12. Chapter 12: Talking

"Look, I know you've been through a lot, but Jason is here and he's asking to talk to you." Sonny tells me once Benson is gone.

I shake my head "I don't know if I can see him. I- I accused him of raping me."

"You truly believed he did it, and all the evidence we had then backed that up. He'll understand." He tries to encourage me.

"I don't know." I say, biting my lower lip "what do I even say?" I question.

"I don't know, just go in and see where it leads. I can go in with you if you'd like." He offers.

"No, that's okay." I say, trying to be sure that's what I want.

He walks me to another room and I look through the window at Jason. His hair his disheveled and he looks exhausted, dark circles encasing his brown eyes. Sonny opens the door and goes in first "Jason." He grabs his attention "Addison is here to talk to you. Please, remember what she went through." He asks and Jason nods to agree.

"Hi" I say once I'm in the doorway.

"Addison." Jason's voice is low when his eyes meet mine.

Sonny steps behind me "I'll be right outside" he whispers before shutting me in the room.

I walk slowly over to the table and sit across from him, keeping my hands in my lap. Although I now know he wasn't the one who raped me, I still feel sick around him, like he's bad by default. It takes all my energy to keep my eyes trained on him "I'm uhm. I'm sorry Jason. I don't even know where to begin." I get out in just above a whisper.

"Please, addy!" He sighs my name "I saw the video from your apartment. It looked just like me. I'm sorry about what happened. How are you?" He asks, seeming to generally care.

I shrug back "as good as can be expected, I guess." He nods as if he understands. "Actually, no. I'm a friggen mess. I'm about to lose my job, I can't stay in my own apartment, I feel disgusting and gross every moment of everyday!" I throw my elbow on the table, putting my head in my hand and grabbing at my hair "I don't know how to move on from this."

"I'm so sorry." He whispers back. We sit in silence for a few minutes, neither of us having more to say. Eventually, he breaks the silence with a question "why are you about to lose your job?"

"Because I can't go to work. Someone is following me. We thought it was you but now that we don't even know who did this-" I trail.

"So where are you staying?" He asks next.

"Uhh-" I hesitate not sure how to respond. "The detectives found a nice women for me to stay with, downtown." I keep it simple.

He puts his hand over mine from across the table "you could always stay at my fathers Addison, there is a ton of space!" He offers.

"Uhm, thanks. I don't think that's a really good idea though." I semi smirk, slowly removing my hand from under his. He looks at me as if he doesn't understand and I turn my head back to the window. I know Jason knows he's been cleared but does he know the rapists DNA somehow matches his?

The door opens and Benson walks in with another folder. She sits next to him and he asks slowly "what's going on?" His eyes flickering between the two of us.

She opens the file and pushes the DNA papers over to him and starts to explain "your DNA isn't an exact match to her rape kit."

"Exact match? I didn't do it!" His voice squeaks, defending himself against her words.

She holds her hands up slightly "we know, but when we tested your DNA against the rape sample it came back with some partial matches." She points to the two different strands on the paper.

"What are you saying?" He asks, not following along.

"That my rapist is related to you, Jason." I clarify simply.

"How- how is that possible?" He pushes the chair back, confused and probably angry.

Benson tries to explain "do you have any cousins or uncles?" She asks.

She shakes his head "I'm an only child, my father is too! And you saw the video, it's obviously not him!" He starts to get more defensive.

"Of course not!" Benson quickly objects the thought "but we have evidence to show that whoever did this, is related to you."

"Is that- can that be a coincidence?" He asks, eyes squinted.

"Doesn't feel like it." I return, wrapping my arms around myself.

He stares through me now, thinking who knows what. He finally stands up "I need to talk to my father, he needs to know about this!" He walks to the door.

Benson stops him "we would like to look into it first, if you don't mind?" She asks.

"What? Why?" He basically yells.

"We don't want whoever did this to go into hiding. If your father gets involved, gets the government involved, that just may send him underground." She explains.

"So you want me to hide this from him?" He pushes.

"Jason, please?" I ask, turning to face him "just for a little bit. Let them do their jobs."

"My dad can get people to do it too, Addison." He offers back "he's the governor ."

"But I can trust them." I say, hoping I wouldn't have to remind him about freshman year at Stanford.

He lowers his head with a sigh before re-positioning and standing tall "2 days, then I tell him." He looks directly at lieutenant Benson. "Sorry again Addison." He looks back to me "call me if you need anything, I'm always here for you."

"Thanks" I say back. He leaves the room and Benson puts the paper back into the folder. "So, what do I do?" I ask her.

"Carisi told me you'd think about talking to someone?" I nod to confirm "that's a good thing. We're getting a list of numbers for you."

"Ok. Thanks." I utter back, following her out of the room and to the elevator.

Sonny and Rollins come over to me "we're going to take you back now." Rollins tells me.

"You guys don't have to do that, I'll be fine." I try to assure them.

Sonny declines "you could still be being followed. We'll make sure if you are, we lose them." The elevator bings.

"Sure. Can I stop and get somethings from my apartment first then?" I ask, wanting some more clothes.

"Of course." Rollins assures and we go.


	13. Chapter 13: Elevator

Sonny double parks the car across the street from the building. As we get out of the car I say to them "i'll be right down." To try and get some time to myself.

"Yah, sure." Sonny says back.

I nod, thanking them and quickly cross the street between cars coming by. I quickly unlock the front door and take the elevator up the 4 floors to mine. Once up there, everything is eerily quiet to me. I sigh as I enter into the entry hallway and take the 20 or 30 steps to my front door. I unlock it and move through it quickly, feeling wrong being there. I stuff random things into a duffel bag. It's mostly clothes, a pair of running shoes and some toiletries. I walk to the elevators quickly, but stop before hitting the down button. I eye the old women's apartment who called the police to begin with. She was nosy, not just that night but most days, but she cared. I don't think she had many people in her life and just wanted someone to say hi to. I backtrack to her door and knock on it gently. As I do, it pushes open just a little and I freeze, not sure what to do."Mrs. Blaine?" I finally call inside the darkened apartment. There is no answer and I continue moving inside, calling out to her "Mrs. Blaine, it's Addison from across the hall." I identify myself so I don't startle her. "Mrs. Blaine, are you okay?" I call as I approach the end of the entrance. My heart is beating faster with every step I take. I turn the corner to the kitchen and my stomach churns inside of me.

"Addison. Addison, what's wrong?" The voice is low. Sonny and Rollins are in the elevator when it opens, there feet visible from my hunch, halting to a stop when they see me.

I keep myself hurled over, trying to breathe "she's-she's-" I point down the hall.

"Ok. Calm down. Stay right here." Rollins puts her hand on my back, bending down to look and see if I understand. "Sonny, call for backup." She tells him and the two of them leave me in the hall to go investigate. I keep myself focused on breathing and trying to remember how I ended up in front of the elevator when I was just in her apartment.

As I wait there my mind flashes with everything that just happened. Mrs. Blaine on the floor, blood pooling around her body. I couldn't tell how she died, just that it wasn't natural. I stumbled down the hall I came through. I feel my stomach dry heaving with nothing to cough out and I stumble into the wall. I pick myself back up, trying to see straight and exit the door that was opened for me to go into. I sway over to the elevator, needing to get away. "Addison?" Sonny's call grabs my attention and I turn to see him coming towards me. "Let's go downstairs." He suggests and I agree, pushing the button to go down.

We get outside and the winter air calms me. I let the wind whip through my hair and I breathe. Since my rape, this frigid air has been one consistent thing. It's hit me out of a bad state of mind and helped get me grounded again a few times now. I embrace it and unzip my jacket, stuffing my hands into my jean pockets. "She's dead, isn't she?" I ask Sonny now that I am sitting in the back of the car and looking up to him.

"She is. I'm sorry." He returns sadly.

I shake my head not wanting to believe it, but I know what I saw "who would do this?" I choke out in a whisper.

"We're gonna find out." He says back. The faint sounds of sirens are now directly next to my ear and an unmarked vehicle pulls up in front of the apartment. Another 2 cops cars show up behind it soon after. "Stay here." Sonny directs and shuts the door.

I keep my eyes trained at the scene unfolding in front me, fascinated by all the different bodies moving around. There's people with cameras, medical equipment, notepads, evidence bags, and lights rotating in and out of the building. Traffic is stopped from coming down this street. I don't know how much time passes when the body of Mrs. Blaine is rolled out on a gurney, covered in a sheet by 2 men and a women. I fold my eyes and apologize, knowing this can't be just a coincidence. "Addison, I need you to get looked at by this medic, okay?" She asks gently.

"What? Why?" I argue, not wanting someone to look me over, not wanting to me examined by someone else again.

"Stay here." She holds up a finger and leaves me again.

"What were you doing going in there?" Sonny asks me when he and Rollins walk to the car. They both stand outside the back door looking down at me. Sonny's blue eyes searching for something in mine.

I shrug "I was about to leave but I wanted to thank her." I tell them.

"Thank her for what?" Rollins asks.

"For calling you guys. I would've tried to push it away, acted like it never happened. I wanted to thank her for being strong enough to do something for someone else." I explain "I knocked on the door but it was already open a bit, I thought maybe she was hurt or something." I continue on "so I called out to her, expecting a reply but didn't get one. I noticed her body and all the blood when I turned the corner." I shutter at the memory flooding back into my brain.

"Did you touch anything while you were in there? Did you go to her?" Sonny asks me.

I shake my head "no, no I didn't go to her. I uhm, I think I freaked out, stumbled out of the apartment." I try to recall it again.

"Okay, well- there's some blood on your shirt, a uh cut on your head. Can you tell us how you got that?" Rollins asks.

"What?" I look down at what I'm wearing and see some blood splattered onto my clothing. "Wha- what's happening? I- I don't know how that got there!" I semi yell out, my breathing picking up.

"Wha- what's happening? I- I don't know how that got there!" I semi yell out, my breathing picking up

"Addison, this medic is gonna look at the cut on your head. Okay?" Sonny asks quietly, another man appearing next to him with a red bag in his hand. I sort of nod, or at least I try but I'm more focused on trying to remember how I got hurt and how this blood got on me. "I'm right here." He adds, once the medic is kneeling in front of me and flashing a light into my eyes.


	14. Chapter 14: Forget

"I don't remember what happened." I whisper into the moldy air of SVU's station.

"Why is her blood on your clothes?" Finn asks me.

I've been sitting in the room for 4 hours now. I was given a zip up jacket to change into so my blood stained shirt could be admitted as evidence. "Maybe, maybe I did go to her? I'm telling you, I don't know, I can't remember." I put my head in between my hands and try to recall more from what happened hours ago.

"Alright. Carisi and Rollins said you were up there for about 45 minutes. Took you that long to get your things?" He asks skeptically.

I shake my head and answer without looking up to him "no, it only took, like, 5 minutes! I couldn't have been up there for that long."

"Well, here we are." He sits back in the chair and opens his hands.

"That doesn't make sense." I bite my lower lip trying to recall more. The door opens and Benson and Sonny walk into the room "are you really thinking I did this to her?" I ask, worried about their answer.

"Of course not." Sonny says quickly.

Benson eyes him cautiously but holds a hand out towards me "Addison, we need you to really think about what happened earlier today."

"I'm trying, I am! I just- I can't remember." I reaffirm to her and everyone else in the room.

She looks to the door and in walks a man I've never seen. He's short, with dark and greying hair "hi Addison, I'm doctor Wong." He smiles softly.

"Dr. Wong works with the FBI. He's a friend of ours here and we gave him a call to help out with this case." Sergeant Benson explains to me.

I try to follow what she said but am too confused "help with what?" I ask.

"I believe your experiencing some projected memory loss." He starts off walking in further. Finn stands up and he leaves the room first.

"What does that even mean?" I ask.

He takes a seat across from me "can I assume that since your rape, you've been having a difficult time sleeping?"

"Ya." I say lowly, willing to give that information to him.

He smiles without showing his teeth "and your angry? Not able to show much emotion?" He asks.

He smiles without showing his teeth "and your angry? Not able to show much emotion?" He asks

"I guess, mostly." I confirm that too. Even though all I want to do is cry all day, I'm too angry about what happened to let anything come out of me.

"It appears you're suffering from PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder."

"PTSD? Isn't that what people get when they come back from war?" I question, not sure how I could I have that.

"It affects a lot more people then just veterans. You experienced something traumatic, your brain is not processing it in a way you can handle." He tries to explain.

I look up to Sonny then Benson before putting my eyes back to his "how is any of this related to what happened today? I can't remember!" I remind them.

"Situation-specific amnesia" Dr. Wong follows up my question with more medical terms. "You experience something traumatic after already having PTSD, causing the amnesia."

"Seeing her there was traumatic enough to cause that?" I ask him.

He leans closer "I think something else happened that you are blocking out. With your permission, is like to try a cognitive interview?"

"What's that?" I ask.

Dr. Wong explains for me "it is a method of interviewing eyewitnesses and victims about what they remember from a crime scene. Using four retrievals, the primary focus of the cognitive interview is to make witnesses and victims of a situation aware of all the events that transpired."

"Ok?" I look around at everyone looking at me not getting what he said at all "what do you do?"

He looks over his shoulder at Sonny and Sergeant Benson and the two of them leave the room, closing the door behind them. "Close your eyes and breathe slowly." He directs me. I do as he says, trying to calm my breathe. I don't know when but eventually he talks again "I want you to go back to your apartment, back to earlier today. Tell me what you see."

"I'm standing in my apartment, there's a bag in my hand." I explain.

"What is around you?" He asks.

"My living room couch is in front of me, the kitchen to my left." I say.

"Look at the couch, what do you see?" He asks.

I squint my eyes further to look closer "the middle cushion is pushed up, not sitting right. The pillow is lying flat on the cushion."

"Is the heat on?" He asks.

I shiver, remembering how cold my apartment was "no, it must've turned off when I was gone."

"Do you have a jacket?" He questions.

I look down at my bag "in the bag. I'm in a long sleeve shirt and jeans."

"What do you do when you leave your apartment?" He asks me to move on.

I exhale re going through the steps "I go to the elevator, hit the button to go down."

"But you didn't get in the elevator. Why not?" He questions.

"I wanted to thank Mrs. Blaine, for doing something for me." I tell him.

"Out of nowhere, you sure that's why?" He pushes.

"Well-" I pause thinking of what I am about to say "no, I heard something when I passed her apartment. I thought that was weird." I tell him, actually remembering that now.

"Why is that weird?" He questions.

I shake my head "I'm not sure, it was like a crash or something. I thought maybe she fell, or needed help." I tell him.

"What next?" He asks.

"I went to the door and knocked, but it was already open. I hesitated going in but figured if she was hurt, then she'd need help." I slowly go over the memory in my head "I called out to her, told her I was coming in." I repeat the words out loud.

"You walked in, saw her body. What else did you see?" He asks.

I shake my head "that's-that's it. I ran out, tripped on the way to the door." I stutter, opening my eyes, my hands shaking.

"Okay Addison, calm down. You're in a safe place." Dr. Wong says back to me "close your eyes, go back to that hallway."

"I-I can't" I tell him, keeping my eyes open and staring at him.

"Why not?" He asks.

"Because he was there. He was in the room with me, smiling at me, laughing at me." I tell him, the memory of what actually happened flooding back to me like a flood.


	15. Chapter 15: Memory

"Okay Addison, okay. You're safe, it's alright." Dr. Wong assures me as my eyes dart across the room with worry. "Can you go over what happened?" He asks.

"I went to check on her, see if she was okay. After I knelt down there was a crash in another room. I froze, worried I interrupted a burglar but it was worse than that." I tell him. "I knew it was him when he walked in, his eyes were jerking like they did when he raped me." I inform him.

"Do you know who it is, have you seen him before?" Dr. Wong asks.

I shake my head "he- he looked like Jason, but like younger, had scruff on his face." I try to explain, the memory just recently buried in my brain now frozen into my eyes. "He smiled when he saw me, starting laughing." I backed up towards the door, knowing I had to get out there."

"Did he say anything to you?" Dr. Wong asks me.

I shake my head "he said I made it easier for him to get me, that he's been looking for me."

He nods "what happened next, did he attack you again?"

"I screamed for help as loud as I could, hoping to scare him away. He laughed some more, pulled a knife out from behind his back. He said today wasn't my time but that he'd see me again soon." I tell him everything that I remember, everything this man said to me.

"Detective Rollins and detective Carisi didn't see anyone coming in or out after you went in. Did he go out the front door?" Dr. Wong asks me.

"No, he left through the window. I uhm, I went to run out to get them but I stumbled. I hit my head on the floor, got up and stumbled to the elevator. I-I don't know why I didn't tell them about him then, I don't know why I forgot." I explain.

"When you hit your head, it was an excuse for your brain to let the memory of your attacker escape you." He says "thank you for sitting with me."

"Yea, no problem." I roll my eyes, I'd rather have amnesia than remember the man's face who ruined my life.

Sergeant Benson walks in the room and thanks Dr. Wong. She directs herself back to me "you said he looked like Jason, but younger?" I nod to confirm. She turns to the door where Finn is and I hear her mutter under her breath "we have to bring the Governor in, make the call." She walks closer to where I am and "we're going to have you answer a few more questions, but why don't we go somewhere a bit more comfortable, okay?" She offers.

"Sure." I return back, standing up and walking out of the box and into another room, one with painted walls, decorations, a book shelf and other random decor. "What's going to happen next?" I ask her once inside and seated.

Sonny walks in after her with a cup of something hot in his hand. He passes it over to me and I thank him with a head nod, Benson says "well, we're going to put you under protective detail until we catch this guy. He knows where you live so we'll get you a hotel. One of our detectives will be with you 24/7, you'll be safe." She assures me.

"And work?" I question, knowing I can't keep missing work.

She semi-smirks, a sad one that tells me what I already know "it's not a good idea to go back to work. We don't know how dangerous this man is, if he's working alone or what his agenda is." She says.

"This is bigger then me, isn't it?" I ask.

Sonny tells me the bad news "We believe so, yeah."

I chuckle back "great, just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Let's get your statement, answer some questions and get you out of here." Benson sits across from me and begins the interview.

"Addison! Are you okay?!" Jason rushes over to me and wraps his arms around me before I can move aside or stop him.

I gently wrap one arm around him and release as soon as I could. "I'm uhh, I'm fine." I smile when he looks at me.

"They told me what they think is going on, that someone is coming after me or my father. Addy, I'm so sorry you're involved in this." He tries to apologize.

Although I don't want to blame him, I can't help but be angry that he called me that day weeks ago. "It's uhh, it's whatever." I try to shrug it off and move away from him.

"They told me that he threatened you? Come back with me to my fathers, you'll be safe there." He urges me, grabbing a hold of my arm.

I pull it away from him "no, it's alright. They got me a hotel, i'm on 24 hour surveillance."

"Oh, come on Addy. Were were they when you were upstairs face to face with this man. They were suppose to be protecting you then. You know no one is getting into my father's place." He tries to convince me.

"I can't!" I yell out with anger. He looks at me again, bewildered and I go on "he looks just like you Jason! I can't even look at you right now without being sick." He looks hurt, but I can't stop talking "I know you didn't do this to me, but it's like reliving this nightmare all over again when I see you!" I tell him.

"Addis-" he tries to say something.

"No, please. Stop. I know you didn't do anything, I know but I can't be near you right now, or your father. Please, just-" I sigh "just give them whatever information they need and let them find this guy." I beg him.

"Okay." He says lowly, eyeing around my feet "I'll do whatever I can." He says. I nod thanking him and move back to head to the elevator where Sonny and Rollins are taking me to the hotel.


	16. Chapter 16: Checkers

"I'm on first watch, what do you say to a game of checkers?" Sonny asks me once we are checked into the hotel.

I shrug, looking out of the window "I'm gonna get cleaned up, is my bag here?" I look to him over my shoulder.

"They took it as evidence. We can get the contents of it tomorrow after the bag is processed." He tells me, apologizing in his tone. He leans down to his bag and pulls something out "I did grab my sweats from my locker before we left, figurin' you'd want something more comfortable to sleep in." He offers it to me holding his arm out "it's nothing fancy, but it should do the trick." His smile is lopsided.

"It's fine, thanks Sonny." I go over and accept the t-shirt and sweats from him. I leave the room and close the door to the bathroom. I turn the water on and let it run before stepping inside. The shower is long as they have been since the rape and I use both bottles of soap the bathroom had in it.

I come out of the bathroom clothed and ready to sit and wallow in my misery but Sonny sits at the table with Chinese food and a game of checkers already set up. "Come get somethin' to eat." He waves me over.

I walk over "I'm not very hungry." I say, although the smell of the food is making my stomach growl.

He laughs "I think your stomach disagrees with you. I got a bit of everything, didn't know what you'd like." He starts going over the different containers "eggs rolls, orange chicken, lo mein-" I stop him from going on.

" He starts going over the different containers "eggs rolls, orange chicken, lo mein-" I stop him from going on

"Okay, fine. I'll eat something." I stop him and sit across, grabbing a plate and pulling out an egg roll. "I'm black." I spin the game around and start the game.

"Ugh, I'm so full!" I sit back into the chair after taking Sonny's last game piece. "Best of three should've been over after game 2." I laugh to him.

"Maybe chess is more my thing." He sits back as well, taking an egg roll into his hand and biting into it.

"I appreciate this a lot. It actually got my mind off of everything going on." I tell him putting my hand under the shirt and rubbing my now full stomach "I can't remember the last time I ate this much food." I smile.

"You really can throw it down." He chuckles pointing down at something on the shirt.

I look down and see the duck sauce stain by the neckline "Oh no! I'm so sorry!" I grab a napkin and dab at it, the dry material only rubbing the stain in further. "Shit" I mutter standing up and moving to the sink in the bathroom. I wet a towel and start working on the stain again.

"Hey, it's alright. Just my graduation t-shirt." He stands behind me, smiling through at me from the mirror. I lower my hand and my eyes, trying to hide the tears that are falling down my cheek. "Addison, I'm sorry. I was just kidding, really, it's just a shirt."

"I'm sorry." I choke out, trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

He reaches out to me "come here," he offers me his arm and I accept it, moving into his chest and letting myself cry for the second time. After a while the tears stop falling and I sit up and wipe my nose with my arm "better?" He asks when my eyes meet his. We've moved to the couch, unbeknownst to me.

I nod and say the only thing I can think to say "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head "it's just a shirt." He says again.

I shake my head this time "not about that. About this." I gesture to myself "I always seem to lose control of my emotions when your around, it's not your job to deal with me." I choke out, my throat still raspy from the crying.

"It's my job to catch the guy who did this to you. To protect you from him while he's still out there." He tries to assure me.

I half smile "I wish I knew you before all this happened." I whisper out, not knowing where that announcement came from. He pauses for a moment and I realize I went to far "I'm-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was wrong." I apologize quickly.

"It's alright." He stops me from embarrassing myself further. "I wish I knew you sooner too Addison." He returns the words to me and my numbing heart twirls with something small, beating just a bit faster "but I know you now." He rubs a finger over my hand but just as quickly as it is there it is gone and he's standing up. "Why don't you get some sleep. I'll be right outside the door." He turns and leaves me there, feeling more confused then before.

I lay in the bed unable to sleep, my mind speeding through the events that transpired all within the past 24 hours. I came face to face with the man who raped me but I'm more focused on what happened with Sonny in the hotel earlier. It's been hours since he's been waiting outside and I can't take it anymore. I throw the blanket off of myself and beeline to the door. "Sonny, can we talk about-" but I stop when I see Rollins at the door at not Sonny. "Oh, sorry." I stop in the doorway.

"Is there something I can help you with?" She asks, eyeing me.

"Uhm, no. I was just uhh, hoping for some coffee." I make up on the fly.

She looks down to her watch "it's 3:30 in the morning?" She questions.

"Uh, yeah. I can't really sleep so might as well.." I shrug.

She nods "we can walk down the street to a bodega?" She offers.

I try to decline "Nah, it's late, I don't want you to have to walk in the cold with me. I can wait till later."

"No, no. It's fine, I'm here anyway. Grab that sweater from before and we'll get going." She smiles. I smile reluctantly in return and we leave the hotel.


	17. Chapter 17: Partners

We leave the bodega with coffee's in hand and head back to the hotel "can I ask you something?" Rollins asks, her breath escaping into the air and fading quickly.

We leave the bodega with coffee's in hand and head back to the hotel "can I ask you something?" Rollins asks, her breath escaping into the air and fading quickly

"Sure." I return, blowing into the small entrance of the lid.

"You have feelings for Sonny?" She doesn't beat around the bush.

I slowly sip the coffee before answering "I don't really know. He's nice." I simply say to her.

"Yea well, see, I've been working with him for awhile now and I can tell he likes you." I stop walking, wondering why she's saying all this to me. "And I know he's too good for himself sometimes and if you lean on him, he'll be there for you even though he can't be."

"What are you saying?" I ask, not sure I understand what she's trying to say to me.

She steps one more step forward and turns around to face me "Sonny is a great guy whose gonna wanna take care of you. But he needs to do his job, and you shouldn't get in the way of that."

"I uhh- I don't know what to say." I respond bewildered.

She sighs "he can't get involved with you. You are a victim of a crime we are investigating. If Benson finds out, he'll be off the case. If IAB finds out, he'd be out of a job." Her voice is stern when saying this "like I said, he's too nice for his own good."

"So, what do you want me to do?" I ask in a low voice.

"Just, be careful." She finally says, eyeing me wondering if I understand what she is saying. I nod to her, telling her I do and we walk back to the hotel in more silence.

I crawl back into the bed and finish my coffee in silence. I turn the TV on a random channel, mute it and try to force myself to get some sleep. When I wake up it's 90 minutes from when I last checked the time. It's as much sleep as I've normally been getting so I dredge myself up and head to the bathroom to clean myself up. I brush out my hair, putting it back into a quick braid and return back to the bed, sitting in silence for the day to begin. Eventually there is a knock on my door and I holler back "come in." Figuring it's another detective or cop switch.

Sonny walks in with a bag in his hand and a smile on his face. "I went to my sisters and got your other things."

I try to hide my smile, Rollins words echoing through my brain. "Did you get any sleep?

"I got a few hours on Bella's couch." He shrugs "anyway, I grabbed some old VCR tapes, figured we can pass the day by watching some bad quality movies." He holds some up with his other hand, his smile never faltering.

I sigh with a smile "I appreciate the offer Sonny, but I just want to be left alone. I didn't sleep very well last night." I lie.

" I lie

"Oh." He quickly adjusts, "no problem. Here." He puts the tapes on the coffee table and drops my bag next to it "in case you get bored." He makes his way back towards the door "I'll be out here if you need anything."

The door opens and I open my mouth to say something to him, but nothing comes out and the door shuts before I could form a sentence. I try to stay busy by organizing my clothes into a drawer and cleaning the previous nights game of checkers off the table. I can't help but get bored enough before I pop in a VCR tape he left behind and sit on the couch to watch the movie. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen and can't get through half of it before having to turn it off.

"Addison, we need to talk to you."Llieutenant Benson walks into the hotel after I open the door to the knocking. Rollins and Sonny also walk in behind her, eyeing me like I'm about to fall a part. It's been a week since Sonny and I have talked. Everything has been strictly professional between us since the night Rollins talked to me.

"Jason is in the hospital, he's been in an accident." Rollins says to me.

My eyes open wide looking to her then to Benson "what? when?" I question.

"Earlier today." Benson explains, moving further into the room "he's out of surgery now but he's asking to see you."

"Me?" my voice squeaks, not sure what he would want to see me for.

Rollins steps up "we can take you there."

"I don't know. I don't have anything to say to him." I tell them

"Maybe he has something to say to you." Sonny says to you, but something in his voice isn't right, it's like he's angry.

"I-I guess I can go." I say out loud before I could shut my mouth or talk myself out of going. "Let me just get changed." I say to them and turn to retrieve some clothes.

We get to the hospital and the walk is eerily familiar. It's not the hospital I went to after my attack but it seems so much alike. The bad fluorescent lighting, nurses and doctors rushing quickly pass everyone, the cries of different types of pain. The chills run through my bones as we pass door to door to reach Jason's room. "He's awake but on pain meds, take it easy." The nurse directs to us all before walking away.

"Do you want one of us to go in with you?" Benson asks.

I shake my head, not sure what that would do anyway and open the door to Jason's room "we'll be down the hall when your done." Rollins tells me and they walk away.


	18. Chapter 18: Hospital

"How are you?" I ask Jason once the door behind me is closed.

He semi smiles, his one eye basically closed with a bruise "better then that night from the woods." He brings up the memory and his semi smile grows into a wider one.

I chuckle as well remembering that night "that poison ivy was a bitch."

"Oh, don't go there. You had it so much better than me." He spits back through the grin.

"Yes, yes I did." I don't argue, remembering the injuries he sustained after jumping from a tree on my dare. "I'm sorry this happened to you." I say, stepping closer towards him.

"They say someone cut my breaks, it wasn't an accident." He tells me "I don't think I was suppose to make it out alive." His voice cracks, wincing in pain when he talks.

"I'm sorry." I say again at his words, feeling bad for him in that bed.

He shakes his head "no, I'm sorry." He says, trying to sit up further. I move closer, wanting to help him and take his hand to help "this guy, this guy is coming after me. You were just collateral damage."

"Why is he coming after you? Who is he?" I ask him, his hand still entangled with mine.

"I don't know, just that we share DNA from my fathers side. I tried to talk to him but he shut me out, he won't take my calls."

"You have a brother?" I ask, the familiarity of their faces clearly obvious. I thought he could've had a brother or a cousin after seeing him in Mrs. Blaine's apartment, but I didn't care to think much about him.

He coughs for a moment and points towards a glass on the side table. I grab it, handing it to him and wait for him to finish before taking it and placing it back "It appears so. I just can't bare to think about what happened to you." His head shake further "I am so sorry Addison, it's all my fault."

I sigh, wanting to say it's okay, wanting to forgive him but I can't get those words to form out of my mouth. All I can get out is "I know."

"You know, I came to the city wanting to get back together with you. Some of the best times of my life were when we dated Freshman year." He tells me, looking at me with kindness.

"Stop." I try to defer from having that conversation with him, right here, right now.

"I mean it. I see all my friends getting married, settling down with kids and I thought back to all the women I've been with and yours is the face I see that happening with." His words are kind but don't mean anything to me anymore. Jason was fun, but he isn't someone I wanted to end up with, it's the reason I ended it back then.

"Jason." I sigh his name, trying to find a way to be nice about this.

"I know, I'm not who you want to be with. I just wanted to tell you all this in case I don't get a chance to again." He says lowly.

"Stop, you'll get out of here and we'll both be just fine." I assure him, putting my hand on his forearm and squeezing for good measure.

The door to the room opens and my body freezes when the familiar twitching eyes from Mrs. Blaine's apartment comes into view "what a touching speech!" He smiles, pulling the nurses mask off of his face.

"Jason!" I squeeze his arm tighter now, my legs locking and my heart racing.

There's a gun in his right hand, pointed directly at me but his eyes are staring down at Jason. "Do you even know who I am?" He snarls towards him.

"I, I don't. Why don't you tell me?" Jason says in return calmly.

He snorts out loud "I've always looked up to my big brother, yanno. Wanting to be just like him. Wanting him to approve of me, but I could never meet him. Could never let anyone know who my father was or we would lose everything."

"My father slept with your mother? Paid her off?" Jason asks him, his voice still steady.

My hand stays onto Jason's arm, squeezing with all the fear inside of me. I can't decide if I should yell for help, beg to be let go or just stand there frozen like a statue. The man continues as he keeps his arm steady and pointing at me "He never once came to see me, never once acknowledged us as his family. We were nothing to him. NOTHING!" his voice raises, stepping closer towards us.

I shriek with fear and his eyes come to mine "and her!" he laughs "she was so drunk after that benefit that I figured 'I'd just frame you' with a crime." His smile is wide and devious. "See, you may have went to Stanford big brother, but I'm the smart one! I'm the one who should've went IVY league, I'm the one who should've been the golden child."

"You still can be." Jason tries to regain control of the situation. "My dad, we can call him, get together and talk this all through."

The man laughs louder this time "it's too late for that! I tried everything to get his attention! I raped and killed to try and get his attention and where is he now? He's not even here to see his star child after his accident."

"He'll come here, I can get him here. Just lower the gun." He continues to talk to him as I continue to stay there frozen.

"That's right, he will come here, when I drop you and he needs to identify your body." He steps closer again, but this time the noise of the door opening is what he moved for, grabbing me by my arm and swinging me in front of him, the gun to my temple. "Don't move or I'll shoot her brains out!" He yells forward.

My eyes meet Sonny's as he walks into the room. He quickly throws his arms up in surrender "alright. You're in control here."

"Shut the door!" He demands and Sonny quickly complies

"Shut the door!" He demands and Sonny quickly complies. "Close those blinds." He nods his head towards the window and Sonny twists the blinds closed. "Back to the door." He directs and Sonny listens, still with his hands up.

"Like I said, you're in control. Why don't we start with your name? Mine is Dominick, you can call me Sonny." He offers the olive branch.

"Don't try to butter me up with pleasantries, I know you're a cop. A bad one at that too!" He snarls.

"And why is that?" Sonny asks keeping him talking.

The man laughs, the gun moving against my temple "you're sleeping with the victim! How cliche can you get?"

"What?" Jason asks, eyeing me then Sonny.

"We are not sleeping together." I roll my eyes.

"I see the looks you two give each other. It's the same look you used to give Jason here back in college." The man yells louder at us all.

"We are not sleeping together. You think I'd be able to sleep with someone after what you did to me just like that?" I ask, the rage inside of me stirring.

Sonny speaks out "you think it'd hook up with someone's damaged goods? Come on, give me some credit." His words offend me, and the rage spins further inside of me.

"You knew who I was back in college?" Jason asks, changing the subject.

"I knew who you were my Junior year in High School. We studied genetics, it wasn't hard to figure out my father was not my father. I already knew we were living better then we should have been." He explains. "Wasn't hard to get it out of my mother, once I figured she was lying, I held no reserve on her."

"What? Why didn't you come to me then, or in college, or-" Jason asks, clearly confused about everything.

"Our father had me shipped out of the country, to some mental institution in Brazil when I reached out to him." His hand shakes as he spits out to us "I had to leave that country under a new name and start all over."

"But you did, and you're here." Sonny speaks up, not allowing him to go on "and you're smart, smarter than he is. Everything you've done is untraceable, unable to be connected to you."

"Except the rape." He rubs the tip of the gun against my hair, and his breath flows down my neck and over my body.

"Why?" I choke out, the rage and fear all combining together.

"He wanted you back, and I didn't want that to happen." He simply explains.

I sort of chuckle and snort at the same time "so you had to ruin my life along with his? I didn't do anything to you, ever!" I yell, still pulling at the arm around me.

He wrestles with me "exactly, you never even looked at me. None of you did!" He yells. "STOP MOVING!" He yells into my head pushing the gun tighter against my head and I do as he says, freezing.

"Listen, we can work this out. Just tell me what you want?" Sonny takes a step closer towards him.

"Don't move or we'll all have her brains on us." He reminds him and I hold my breathe, eyeing Sonny with nothing but fear emitting out of them.


	19. Chapter 19: Hit

"Whatever you want, we can get for you. Just put the gun down, you don't need her." Sonny tries to get control of the situation.

He shakes his head "I do need her, I need them both and I need you to leave!" He shouts back.

Sonny shakes his head "now you know I can't do that. But listen, why don't you let her go and take me in her place. Come on." He tries to convince him.

He laughs back "I know what you're doing and it's not going to happen so just stop!"

"Alright, alright." Sonny puts his hands up, stepping back just a step. "What do you want to do next?" He asks.

He puffs up his chest a bit "I want my father here, to look me in the eyes and tell me what I did to him to make him hate me!"

"I'll call him." Jason quickly spits out, moving to the side of his bed.

"Stop!" He yells at him and Jason freezes. "What are you doing?"

Jason hesitates answering but stutters "get- getting my phone."

Everyone stays motionless, waiting for the man whose name we still do not know to say something back to him. "Put it on speaker." He directs. As Jason moves further to grab his phone off the side table he tells us "don't say anything!"

I keep my eyes on Sonny and he keeps his eyes on me, even as the phone begins to ring out loud into the room. The phone stops ringing and it's obvious someone has picked up "Hello, Mr. Charles line, please hold." The women on the other end says and clicks a button before Jason can even say anything further. Minutes pass, and it feels like hours before she returns to the line "Thank you for holding, how may I help you?"

"Jenna, this is Jason. May I speak to my father please?" He asks, trying to keep his voice calm and even.

"Jason, you're father knows about what happened. He is in a meeting right now but he will be down to see you later this evening." Her voice is a fake pleasantry over the phone, having said lines like this dozens of times a day.

"No. I need to talk to him now." He says with more force.

"Jason, I know this must be hard but he is really busy at the moment and-"

Jason interrupts her "I know he can talk. I need him on the phone. Now." His voice is almost like a growl and the phone line sits silent for a few seconds.

After those seconds tick by we can hear the chair she is sitting in move and I sigh in relief, hoping he'll let me go when he gets what he wants. "Jason, what is this all about? I'm extremely busy here." The governor's voice echo's through the small room.

The man quickly releases the arm that's holding me, trying to keep the gun to my head and reaches for the phone in Jason's hand. "This is Jacob, you know-your other son. If you-' He starts to yell into the phone with rage but the loud bang and ringing of a gun shot goes off and my scream shouts over anything else going on in the room.

"LIEUTENANT!" I hear Sonny yell out. His feet now in front of me kicking at the gun near my side away from me and the mans' body that lies semi on top of me, warm blood dripping onto my skin.

"What the hell happened in here?" Rollins and Benson charge into the room with their guns ready to be pulled if necessary.

"Get a doctor." Sonny directs to them, trying to move the man off of me and cover the wound by putting pressure on it. "I got him in the left shoulder."

Rollins quickly steps out of the room and that's when the pain settles in, the high from the shock calming down. I try to move, to figure out where it is coming from but my arm doesn't do what I want it to and I realize then that I've also been hit by the bullet. "Get another doctor!" Benson's voice calls out, and I lift my head to see her leaning down to me, to hold my wound and put pressure on it.

Nurses and doctors rush into the room and carry me out and onto a stretcher waiting in the hall. I try to stay focused on something other then the medical terms flying from mouth to mouth as they roll me to the OR. "Clean through" I hear one say loudly. "A lot of blood loss." Another voice says to someone else. Soon they are stringing me up with wires, stuffing a tube into my arm and telling me to count back from 50.

"Hello?" I say lowly into the stale air. I try to open my eyes but they are heavy with exhaustion.

"Welcome back darlin', how you feeling?" Sonny's voice is the first thing I hear and I try to not smile

"Welcome back darlin', how you feeling?" Sonny's voice is the first thing I hear and I try to not smile.

I finally get them open, seeing him come over to the side of my bed "like I was run over by a boat's engine." I murmur.

He chuckles back "shouldn't that be run over by a truck?" His eyebrow raises in the cutest way and I turn my head away before he can see me smile further. The memory and the words of what happened whenever amount of time ago coming back to me in flashes.

I try and sit up, quickly realizing my arm is bandaged to my body and unable to be used. He realizes my struggle and helps me sit up in the bed, putting another pillow behind me "who did this?" I ask him.

He bites the inside of his lower lip "well, it was my bullet that went through you and hit him. I'm so sorry Addison, I was just trying to get that gun away from your head." He rushes to an apology.

"I didn't mean you Sonny. I meant who is this guy who held a gun to my head and raped me?" I clarify.

"His name is Jacob Morales. He's the governors illegitimate son. We're working on getting a hold of some medical records from doctors and psychologists from here and Brazil." He explains.

I nod, trying to process the thought of this man actually being caught "so what happens next?" I ask the familiar question.

"Well you are going to work on healing and we'll do the rest. The DA is putting together all the paperwork and we're moving for a swift trial." He explains to me.

"A trial, what does that mean? Would I have to testify or whatever?" I ask, only knowing so much about court.

He sighs "it's looking like they are going to try and claim an insanity plea, so yes, you made need to testify." I exhale slowly, not sure what else to say. "Addison, about what I said yesterday," Sonny looks to the side of the bed but soon meets my gaze "I didn't mean it, I was trying to build a rapport, tell him what he wanted to hear."

"I know, it's alright." I say back, knowing what he was doing and not blaming him for it.

He puts his hand on my hand, making sure I am paying attention to him "I mean it Addison. I know I shouldn't but I like you, and I'm really glad you are okay." He rubs his thumb across my hand.

"Sonny." I sigh out his name, knowing what I have to do "that's really sweet, but you can't like me. You don't even know me."

He tilts his head, keeping his hand on mine but stopping from moving his finger across "what about the time in the park, the dinners we had?" He asks.

I try to keep my voice firm "I thought you were just doing your job, I'm sorry Sonny." I keep it short, not wanting to get caught up in my own lying.

He removes his hand, keeping his composure and wiping at his chin "that's alright, I'm glad it's cleared up and I'm glad you're okay." He half smiles and heads to the door "the DA will be in contact." He adds on just before leaving me alone in my hospital room.


	20. Chapter 20: Trial

"This is going to be tough for you, the defense will not go easy." ADA Barba says to me after I take the seat in an empty court room to go over my testimony. It has been 2 weeks since my release in the hospital and 3 days since the trial started. It's a public mad house that the media is eating up due to the political father sitting beside his injured son, ready to put his mentally ill one away for life in a mental institution. I try and flatten out my skirt with my one arm still bandaged and sit on my hand waiting to begin. "I'll start off with how you knew Jason, your past relationship together and why you were together in the city."

"Alright." I say simply, knowing that would be the easy part.

"Just be honest and you'll be fine. We'll go into the details of your rape. I'm going to ask you questions I want you to be specific to. What he did to you, how he was behaving, how he left you. Can you do that?" He asks. I nod, assuring him I could. I've been in daily therapy since I got out of the hospital and I've been talking to my therapist about the incident pretty openly from the start. It felt good to talk to someone who doesn't judge me, or look and act like I'm damaged around them. "Now, when the defense comes up, they are going to try and convince you it wasn't him. You didn't see his face, you didn't get a look at him and that it could have been any white male in that video."

"But you have evidence." I remind him.

He holds up his hand "yes, we do. I'm just letting you know. I'll move on from the rape to the incident in your neighbors apart-"

I interrupt him "Mrs. Blaine's apartment." I clarify.4

He adjusts his tie "yes, Mrs. Blaine's apartment. Same routine questions you answered at the precinct. Why did you go inside, what did he say to you, why did he let you go. The defense will be harsh on this too, claiming your memory loss to the incident was convenient for you or some other deflect tactic to distract the jury. Just remain calm, stick to the facts and you'll do just fine." He waits to go on, waiting for me to confirm I understand. I nod again, and he continues "We'll go to the incident at the hospital, the hostage situation and everything he was saying there. Is there anything you haven't told any one yet, anything else you want to go over before we go into all the questions?" ADA Barba asks one more time.

"I told the police everything I know." I assure him.

He pulls out a paper but his phone rings and he quickly picks it up. "When did this happen? I told you to take care of it. No, fine. We'll just have 2 separate trials." He hangs up the phone and looks at me with a saddened stare. "Addison, I have some bad news."

"What?" I ask, my air getting caught in my breath

He puts a hand to his temple rubbing at it "I had an intern try to take care of a motion and well, he failed. Nothing is changed, we just have to have two separate trials. One for the rape and one for the murder and hospital attack."

I kind of gasp "what, why?" He asks.

"We have plenty of evidence for both, don't worry about it. Tomorrow's will be for the murder. Let's get started." He pushes my questions away and pulls at the paper from the folder and reads off the first question "where did you meet Jason Charles?"

" He pushes my questions away and pulls at the paper from the folder and reads off the first question "where did you meet Jason Charles?"

I answer honestly, to every 50 or so questions he asks me in that booth. He attacks me, bullying off of some of my responses as the defense might do. He tells me when to elaborate or when to shorten my response. After 3 hours, we are finished and I head back to my empty apartment.

Rollins and Carisi pick me up from my apartment at 6:30 the next morning. I wear the nicest skirt suit I have and walk as confidently into the courthouse as possible. Benson meets us in the hallway and explains I can not go into the court room until after I testify. They will start shortly and I'll be called in soon after. They put me in a small empty room, guarded by an officer and I wait for my turn to face the man who ruined my life. The officer opens the door for me and I am led into the court room and sit in the chair in front of everyone. I'm sworn in and sit down, keeping my eyes on ADA Barber then on Jacob or anyone else in the room. "Thank you being here Addison." He starts. I nod, waiting to get started. "Can you tell us what happened in the afternoon of December 2nd, 2016?"

"I was going to my apartment to grab some things. I wasn't staying there at the time. I went to leave and noticed a noise coming from my neighbors apartment." I explain.

"What kind of noise?" He asks.

"Like something breaking." I clarify.

"What happened next?"

I sit up a bit straighter in the chair "I went to her door. I wanted to see if she was okay, and thank her for helping me."

"Helping you with what?" He asks.

"She's the one who called the police after Jacob raped me." I state.

"Objection, your honor!" The defense attorney calls out.

The judge says back "sustained, the jury will disregard that statement. Ms. Collins, don't do that again."

"Sorry mam." I bow my head a little in embarrassment. "Mrs. Blaine did something nice for me, so I wanted to thank her." I reword my response.

"Did Mrs Blaine let you into her apartment?" Barba asks me.

"No. When I knocked on the door I saw that it was open. I thought that was strange but she's an elderly women, she could have forgotten to shut it." Barbra doesn't say anything, wanting me to continue "so I went in and called out to her, letting her know who I was and that I was inside. She didn't answer me so I kept walking in. That's when I froze, and saw Jacob standing over her bloody body."

"Is Jacob in the courtroom today?" Barba asks me.

I nod "yes, that's him." I point to Jacob whose across from me and behind a table.

"Let the record state that the witness has identified Jacob Morales as the man in the apartment." He turns back to me "did he say anything to you, did he attack you?" He asks.

"He was already looking at me when I got through the hallway. He had a smile on his face, and he started to laugh. Then he got real calm and said "thanks for making it easier for me, I've been looking for you." And he pulled his hand out from behind his back and he was holding a knife."

Barba turns to his table and holds up a bag with a knife inside "this knife?" He questions me.

"Yes." I assure.

"Exhibit A, your honor. The knife with the victims blood on it that was found at the crime scene. Addison, what happened next?" He asks, telling me to go on.

"I knew I had to do something but all I could think to do was scream. I wanted to move but I was frozen. I knew detective Rollins and detective Carisi were outside, I just hoped they could hear me. He laughed some more while I screamed then he muttered that it wasn't my time and that he'd see me again soon." I shiver repeating his words out loud, his actual voice saying it to me in my own mind.

"How did you get away?" Barba asks me, wanting to wrap up this part of the trial and move on to the incident at the hospital.

I look at the jury, most still wide eyed while listening to my testimony "He headed towards the window and as soon as he was out I made my way to the door and then to the elevator."

"When was the next time you saw Jacob Morales?" He questions.

"At the hospital a few days later." I say.

"Were you a patient there?" He asks, already knowing what my answer is.

"No. Jason Charles called me. He was in an accident, his brakes were cut and he-" I say trying to remind the jury of Jason's testimony.

"Objection!" His defense lawyer interrupts me from continuing.

Barba quickly jumps in before the judge could "I'll rephrase. Addison, when you went to visit Jason at the hospital, were you expecting to run into the defendant?"

"No." I quickly shake my head "I was going to see my friend." He looks at me, telling me to continue. "I went in to see him and then Jacob came in with a gun in his hand. He told us not to move and wanted to talk to Jason's father."

"Do you know why?" Barba asks me.

"He started talking about how he was his brother, that he was shipped away by Mr. Charles. When detective Carisi came into the room he grabbed me and held a gun to my head." I explain.

"Was Jacob Morales agitated?" He asks.

The other lawyers yells out "Objection, she can't say what he was feeling!"

"I'll rephrase." Barba quickly claims. "How was Mr. Morales behaving after detective Carisi came into the room."

"He was holding onto me pretty tightly, the gun pressed against my temple. I could feel him shaking when he was talking, his body was tense. I was afraid he was going to kill me. Jason decided to call his dad, and he was told to put it on speaker phone."

"Did his father pick up that call?" Barba asks me.

I shake my head "no, his assistant or someone did. Jason knew who it was, made sure she put him on the phone." I explain.

Barba comes closer to where I sit "what did Mr. Charles say?" He asks.

"He started talking right away, before Jason could say anything. He said he knew Jason was in an accident but that he was busy with meetings, that he would get to the hospital as soon as he could. Jacob started to yell and lean for the phone. That's when I heard a loud shot and fell to the ground."

"Thank you Ms. Collins." Barba nods towards me then stares at the jurors for a moment "nothing else your honor." He tells the judge and returns to his seat behind his own table.


	21. Chapter 21: Testimony

"Thank you for being here today Addison." The other lawyer, Mr. Grender tells me. I nod at him, not wanting to say anything more to him then necessary.

"Can you tell us again what you were doing going into Mrs. Blaine's apartment?" He looks to me then at the jury, ready to attack my story.

"I heard something break, so I went to her door to make sure she was okay." I re inform him.

"And you just walked into her apartment? She didn't invite you in?" He wants me to answer.

I sigh "No, I knocked but it was already open. She's an older women, she didn't have many visitors so I wanted to make sure she was okay before I left."

"So, when you went into the apartment, your alleging you saw my client in there?" He asks me.

"Yes." I respond.

"Did it occur to you that maybe he went in there to help Mrs. Blaine?" He asks.

"No, because he-" I try to respond but he interrupts me.

He looks to the jury "could it be possible that he was helping her when you walked in, and startled him?"

"No. He had the knife in his hand." I reiterate my earlier statement.

"What would you say if I were to tell you that he was afraid when you called into the apartment? That he thought the person or persons who actually killed Mrs. Blaine returned and he picked up the knife to protect himself?" He suggests.

"Objection!" Barba calls out.

"Objection!" Barba calls out

"I'll allow it." The judge says.

I look from her to the lawyer "I guess it's possible. But then why would he-"

"Thank you." He stops me from continuing with my statement. "When you were at the hospital, in the room with your friend Jason, what was your conversation about?" He asks.

"Objection." Barba calls again "relevance?"

"I'm getting there your honor." Grender tells her, wanting to pursue this form of questioning.

She nods "I'll allow. But get there faster Mr. Grender." She purses her lips and warns him.

He nods to her and looks back to me "what was your conversation about?"

"He uhm, he wanted to get back together with me."

"And you guys recently went out on a date?" He asks me.

I shake my head "he invited me to be his date at an event, but it wasn't a date." I tell him.

"Have you gone out with anyone else since that date?" He ignores my words and asks.

I sit up a bit more, agitated with how he's wording everything. "No, and it wasn't a date!" I almost yell.

Barba eyes me, telling me to calm down and I slightly bow my eyes, embarrassed about my outburst and nod just a little to tell him I'll try. "Exhibit D, your honor. A photo of your witness with detective Carisi."

"Objection, your honor! We have not seen this evidence yet or been made aware if it's existence." Barba calls out to the judge, standing and resting a hand on the table.

I eye Jacob, whose greasy smile is wide and he eyes me back. My stomach churns and I look away, eyeing Sonny in the crowd of the people. Benson looks to him and he looks to her and whispers something. Benson nods in return. "Approach, your honor!" Barba quickly comments out.

The judge nods and after a few moments of the three of them talking in hushed tones the two lawyers retreat back to their respective sides and I wait anxiously for what's to happen next. "Is this you and detective Carisi?" He asks, holding up a photo to me.

"Yes." I simply state, not sure what he's doing. It's a photo of us outside, when he pushed me against the store wall and told me we we're being followed. "He noticed we were being followed, and wanted me to play it off." I inform him.

"Is that so?" He asks rhetorically, showing the photo to the jury. "So, you can say here, under oath that there is nothing going on between you and detective Carisi?"

"So, you can say here, under oath that there is nothing going on between you and detective Carisi?"

"Objection!" Barba yells, stopping the nonsense from continuing.

"Sustained. Move along Mr. Grender." She pushes him.

"Of course. Now Addison, can you tell me what happened when Jacob entered the room in the hospital?" He asks me.

"He was listening to Jason and I's conversation, walked in. I recognized him from the apartment and was scared, worried about why he was there." I explain.

"Who wanted you at the hospital? Was it my client?" He asks.

"No. I was at the station and the detectives told me Jason wanted to see me. I felt bad about his accident, so I decided to go." I feel like this is going around in circles and I can't seem to follow what he's doing or trying to pull off.

He nods, coming over closer to me "who took you there?" He asks.

"Detective's Carisi, Rollins and lieutenant Benson." I say.

"And who walked into the room when you were "being held hostage." He uses quotation marks as if this is grade school.

"Detective Carisi." I say.

"Interesting. The two men who are vying for your affection in one room at one time all the while you are being hostage. Do you find that strange?" He asks.

"No. It wasn't like that with either of them. I- I don't know what this has to do with anything!" I spit out getting frustrated.

"Me neither Mr. Gredner, please, get were you are going." The judge directs him once more.

"Ms. Collins, why did detective Carisi shoot my client, shooting you in the process?" He asks.

"Your client had a gun to my head." I say.

"I see, and even as that was the case, detective Carisi took the chance of shooting to save you from him. Why do you think that is?" He asks.

"Objection!" Barba calls out.

"Sustained. Move on Mr. Gredner." The judge says yet again.

"Did you know anything about who Jacob was before going into that hospital?" He asks.

I nod "I knew he was somehow related to Jason." I inform, hoping he opens the door to the rape case.

"Did you know Mr. Charles had called Jacob to meet him at the hospital?" He asks next.

I eye Jason in the court room, whose bewildered face as he turns to look at his father tells me he didn't know about this "why would he do that?" I ask.

"What happened when Mr. Charles was on the phone?" He asks me.

I repeat my earlier explanation "well Mr. Charles started talking and Jacob flipped out, he went to reach for the phone and that's when detective Carisi shot him."

"You mean shot you." He clarifies.

"He wasn't aiming for me, he was trying to save me. Jacob had a gun to my head." I retell it again.

"Alright." He says back. "Ms. Collins, have you seen this check before?" He asks, pulling out a picture of the check I received after my rape.

"Yes. It was stuffed under my door." I explain.

"What would you say if I told you that Mr. Charles had this sent to you?" He asks.

"Uhm, I- I don't know." I simply say back.

"Do you know what this money is for?" he asks me.

I know I'm not suppose to but I can't help it and I bring up the rape "I thought it was hush money after being raped."

"Is that why you didn't cash it?" He asks, ignoring my implication.

"Yes. I didn't want the money, I wanted justice." I say back. I can see Barba eyeing me to be cautious but I ignore his gaze and keep staring at the other lawyer.

"So you wanted revenge? Is that why you are framing my client?" He asks.

"What, no!" I yell back.

"OBJECTION!" Barba yells into the court.

"Nothing further." Mr. Grender quickly states and retreats back to his seat.

"You may step down Ms. Collins." The judge tells me. The baliff ushers me out of the court room and into the small waiting room from before. I walk into the hallway and meet lieutenant Benson and Sonny there. "I have no idea what any of that was about." I say shaking my head confused. He went in so many different directions only to try and claim I was setting up Jacob.

"You did just fine Addison." Benson puts her hand on my shoulder. "He was trying to make the jury have reasonable doubt. Confuse them or make them have questions."

"Well, will that work?" I ask worried.

Sonny shakes his head "Barba knows what he's doing, he'll take care of it." He assures me.

"Okay." I nod slowly "what now?"

"We wait for the trial to wrap up and for the jury to reach a verdict." Benson tells me. "You want to come in?" She asks.

"No." I quickly decline "I don't want to see him again, I'll wait out here."

"I'll stay with her boss." Sonny says. Benson nods and goes back into the court room while Sonny walks me to sit on a bench.


	22. Chapter 22: Verdict

"The jury is in." Benson tells me coming out into the cold staircase of the courthouse. The rest of the afternoon was for closing statements and the jury returned after 3 hours of deliberation.

I exhale slowly and follow her inside. I take a seat on the outside of the last row next to Benson. Sonny and Rollins sit next to her. After another few minutes, the judge comes in and after we sit she asks the jury "has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have your honor." The women in the first seat says. The bailiff retrieves a piece of paper, hands it to the judge.

The judge looks it over and with a nod she returns it back to the bailiff to return to the juror "what say you?" She asks her once the paper is in her hand again.

"In the charge of attempted murder in the first degree, we find the defendant guilty. In the charge of murder in the first degree, we find the defendant not guilty by reason of mental defect or insanity."

"The state of New York would like to thank the jurors for their time. Mr. Morales, you are remanded to Ryker's until further sentencing." She bangs her gavel and the court people begin to pile out.

"What does all that mean now?" I ask, my mouth gaped open and a sense of some kind of relief washed over me. He was guilty on one have and not guilty on another.

Sonny slaps me slightly on the back "he's going away for life for the attempted murder charge."

I chuckle out, still not feeling completely relieved but that it's okay to finally not have to look over my shoulder every second of the day. Barba comes over and I shake his hand "thank you so much." I say, removing my hand and swooping him into a hug.

He awkwardly hugs me back and says "no problem." He replies and when I release him he turns to lieutenant Benson "we need to talk." He says to her and she excuses them both.

"Thank you guys so much for everything, I can't believe it's over." I semi smile as I thank Sonny and Rollins.

"You know, you still have to testify in the rape case." Rollins reminds me.

I exhale again, nodding my head "I know, but still. He's going away for life, that's good."

"Sure is. Hey Amanda, will you excuse us for a second?" Sonny asks his partner. She smiles and nods, eyeing me for one second before leaving the court room ahead of us. "So, I wanted to talk to you about something." Sonny says as he begins to walk out of the room, towards the front of the court house.

"What's that?" I ask him, already worried about what he's going to say to me.

He looks behind me at the people coming in and out of the court house. He inhales quickly and spits out "my sister has been buggin me to ask you over for dinner?" He meets my eyes waiting for an answer.

He inhales quickly and spits out "my sister has been buggin me to ask you over for dinner?" He meets my eyes waiting for an answer

I drop my head to look at our feet to hide a smile. Of course I want to go to dinner with Sonny, but I can't do that to him. After everything that I've been through, I shouldn't get involved with anyone. I sheepishly look up to him "will you be there?" I ask. I know it's stupid but I can't help but think of Bella and Sonny as my friends. He was the detective working on my case but still, he was nice to me and I got to know both of them pretty well the past few weeks.

"I was asked to be." He smirks back. He head nods to someone behind me and I know he has to go.

I quickly respond with a "I'll let you know" and he nods, grabbing my upper arm and giving it a light squeeze before walking off to greet whomever he saw. I keep my focus ahead, ready to focus on moving forward.

I made an appointment with my therapist when I knew I would have to testify. We both agreed that no matter the out come, it would be best for me to meet with her afterwards to go over everything after testifying in front of him. I knock on the old cream colored door in the broken down New York City building and wait for her to answer. She opens the door with a smile "Addison, come in. You did so good!" She squeezes me with a quick hug before letting me go past her.

I move quickly to the chair and respond "I didn't do anything, it was all the ADA." I respond.

She shakes her head while taking a seat "no. You testified against him. After everything he put you through, you stood in front of him and told them who he was. That takes strength." She encourages me.

"Well, thank you." I say back. "I don't really know how I'm feeling right now." I tell her openly "it's kind of weird."

"Why is it weird?" She asks me to elaborate on that.

"I testified about the murder and the hospital but not about the rape. I know I still have to testify but it's like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I'm ready to move on with my life."

"That's really great Addison. Do you know when the trial for the rape will be?" She asks.

I shake my head "he's going to be sentenced first, then I guess we'll see from there." I explain.

She nods "okay then. So, what do you want to do next? You ready to go back to work?" She asks.

I squish my nose up "maybe." I reply.

"You don't sound to confident about that." She bluntly calls me out.

I shrug my head from side to side "I don't know. I mean, I used to love teaching but now- I don't know what I want to do." I tell her, really feeling lost about that.

"Well, I'm sure there's something going through your head about what you want to do." She starts off "why not explore one of those options."

"What if I became a cop or something? Or like a counselor to help people of trauma?" I spit out, not really sure what I was saying.

She sort of laughs and lowers her glasses "that's quiet the career change, would this have something to do with that detective you told me about?" She pushes.

"Who, Sonny?" I ask as if I didn't know who she's referring too. She nods to confirm "no, I just want to help people like he helped me." I say, quickly realizing what I said "well then, yah, I guess it does have to do with him." I tell her. "He helped me through this whole thing, he made me feel like an actual person after the rape. I think I would like to do that for someone too, help them through something bad like that."

"Do you have feelings for him?" She asks.

"Yah, I do." I tell her honestly. She doesn't say anything, and the silence makes me expand further "he invited me over for dinner tomorrow night. I told him I'd think about it."

"What's there to think about?" She asks.

"He's the first person I liked like this in a long time, but I don't want to go out with him because what if I ruin it?" I ask out loud.

"What makes you think you'd ruin it?" She pushes me to answer.

I quickly tell her my reasoning, thinking about it since the night at the hotel after Rollins talked to me outside. "I was raped, I'm damaged goods. I'll find some way to mess it up and he's someone I don't want to mess things up with."

"So don't." She simply says.

I sarcastically laugh "like that'll happen." I roll my eyes.

"You were just saying how good you felt, how a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. But you talk about your future like your restricted, you're held back by something. If you truly think you're ready to move forward, you should. Don't limit yourself because you're afraid, that's how he wins." She says.

I think about what she said, wondering how I could feel that I'm ready to move on with my life but still feel scared about it. "So, even though he's going to be locked away, he can still win?" I ask her like it doesn't make sense.

"Afraid so, if you let him." She confirms.

"So what? Just call him and agree to dinner? What if I do mess things up, what if I ruin it?" I ask, worried that that is exactly what I'd do.

She looks at me with a smile "then you lived, you moved on, and life goes on. After everything you'd been through, haven't you figured that out yet?"

I sigh, taking my phone out of my bag and calling Sonny. He picks up after the 2nd ring "Is everything alright Addison?" He quickly rushes out his words.

"Yes, it's fine. I wanted to say that Yes, I'll come to dinner at your sisters tomorrow." I quickly spit it out before I could chicken out.

It's like I could hear the smile from the other side "great! I'll pick you up at 6."

"Great." I say back "bye." We say to one another and hang up, replacing my phone back to my bag "Well, there's that." I look to my therapist.

"What do you say we meet back here in 3 days at 1 P.M?" She offers to schedule me in.

I nod, taking my phone back out and putting it into my calendar. "Yea, that works. Thanks a lot Mrs. Foye, I'm lucky I came to you." I stand up to shake her hand.

She takes mine in return "I'm happy to help."


	23. Chapter 23: Friends

"Hey." Sonny says when I answer the door to my apartment. He's wearing a suit like most of the times I've seen him before and his hair is slicked back as usual too. He's got a smile on his face that is contagious.

"Hi Sonny." I say back, opening the door a bit further "you look nice, as usual." I say like an idiot.

He chuckles "You look amazing. These are for you." He pulls his hand out from his behind his back and hands me a bouquet of Sunflowers.

I take them from him with my cheeks flushing red "they are beautiful. Thank you." I say before turning around to put them in a vase of water. "Can I get you anything?" I ask him as I try to quickly put them down.

"Nah, I'm okay." He responds and waits for me at the door. "Ready?" He asks, opening his arm once I am back at the door with my jacket on.

"Ready." I accept and wrap my hand around his arm, the butterflies still in my stomach from when I called him the day before. "It was really nice of your sister to invite me back over. I really like her." I tell him as we walk down to the car.

He opens the door for me and answers once inside and buckling up "she's a real pistol. When I told her you said you'd let me know she would not stop texting me asking what I did to scare you off." He laughs as he pulls away from the street.

"I just had to think about-" I stop, not wanting to tell him what Rollins said. "Nothing. I'm here now." He eyes me suspiciously so I quickly change the subject "those sunflowers were beautiful but there not exactly in season."

"I picked them up special. I know this little shop in Queens." He tells me.

"Queens?" I eye him.

He just gives me a look as if to say 'why not' and I decide not to ask further. On the way to Bella's apartment we talk about our favorite kinds of food, music, television, and books. We both like pop music but have a soft spot for old jazz as well. He binge watches reality TV when he's at home cooking and loves to make anything with pasta. He rings up to her apartment and she quickly buzzes us in. We walk up and knock on the door. She answers it in a huff "Hey Dominick, Hi Addison. Come in!" She rushes back to the kitchen to take care of whatever is beeping.

"Thanks for having us over Bella." I kind of call into the kitchen after her. Sonny takes my jacket and leaves to put it away. I make my way to the kitchen "can I help you with anything?" I offer.

She gives me a job to do without even turning "will ya mash those potatoes?" She points to the pot of boiling water on the stove. I quickly turn the gas oven off and remove it to the sink that's already waiting with a colander. I pour the potatoes in to drain and return them to the pot to get them mashed.

I look around the kitchen counters for the potato mashers but can't see it "Bella, what do you want me to mash them with?" I ask her, as she lifts her baby into her arms to try and sooth her from crying.

"Sonny! Can ya get the masher from the drawer!" She calls out.

Sonny quickly comes into the kitchen and in 2 swift movements the masher is plugged in and in front of me. "Let me." He offers to take care of it for me.

"No, that's alright. I don't mind." I say back, taking it from his hand.

"Suit yourself. Tommy gets real cranky if there are lumps in his potatoes." He smirks at me.

Bella quickly jumps in "don't lie, that's you who can't stand lumps!"

Sonny winks at me with the same smirk before walking to his sister to take Anastasia from her "come here princess!" He coos and leaves the kitchen.

"So, Dominick told me what happened at court. Are you relieved?" She asks as she takes veggies out of the oven.

I add the butter, milk and salt while answering her "I am. It's been a whirlwind month but it's finally starting to feel like life again." I tell her.

"Yea, Tommy was raped before, took a long time before things with us were good again." She says. She sort of chuckles "still so weird thinkin' bout him being raped. I mean -" She trails off.

"I'm sorry that happened to you guys." I tell her solemnly, looking down at the machine in my hands. I didn't know that about Tommy, and it's weird to think about having something so dark in common with him. I take the silence as a cue to start mashing and turn the device onto 5 to get started.

Tommy arrives home from work just as dinner is done. We all sit down at the table and hold hands for the prayer. Sonny says it "Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord." I wait for the Amen but he doesn't say it, instead he takes another breathe and adds on "and thank you Lord for being with us through these tough times and seeing that your light shine through. Amen." He lifts his eyes up from his bowed head and looks to me.

My stomach knots as I repeat the words "amen" along with Bella and Tommy, staring at Sonny as he stares at me. "So, what are your plans now that you are free?" Tommy asks while plating his dish with some steak.

Sonny jumps in before I could answer "she's always been free Tommy." He kind of shakes his head at the choice of words his future brother in law used.

"Well, all I'm sayin' is, after I faced my rapist in court, I felt a whole lot free-er." He starts to eat his food.

"It's alright Sonny." I quickly add on before he could argue "it's weird, it's kind of like I'm starting my whole life over again." I say to them like I said to my therapist.

"I hope we're involved in that new life of yours. You're a real good person Addison, you and Sonny are real cute." She says looking at her brother with a grin.

"Alright, enough of that Bella." Sonny looks to me with an apologetic look.

"I'm just sayin', she's a lot better then other girls you brought home." She quickly adds on before taking a bite of her food to hide her smile.

He sort of laughs loudly and awkwardly "she's not someone I just brought home Bella, come on."

I can't tell if he's annoyed, embarrassed or what so I try to ease the situation "seriously, it's not like I've met the parents or anything." I wink to Bella who smiles back and I start eating my own meal.

After dinner the four of us sit in their living room and play monopoly. The game goes on for 2 hours, only ending once Sonny gets frustrated enough to push the game aside, moving everyone's pieces off the board and forfeiting. The 2 of us say goodbye to Bella and Tommy and leave. In the car ride home Sonny says "I'm glad you came over tonight, it was a lot of fun." His eyes are on the road but he glances over, the moonlight still illuminating his blue eyes.

"I'm glad I did too, it's good to get back out there." I say to him.

"So, can we go out to dinner again? Just us next time?" He asks slyly.

"Like a date?" I ask him.

"Yah, like a date." He answers. I bite my lower lip thinking of how to answer him. "What?" He pushes "I can't be the only one who feels something here." He says. When I don't answer him though, his eyes start to dart faster from the road to me "or am I?"

"No, you're not." I quickly ease his worry "it's just, what if IAB finds out you're dating a victim?" I ask him.

He raises his eyebrows towards me "well one, it's just a date. Two, IAB? victim? Who have you been talking to?" I bite harder on my lower lip to keep from telling him about the conversation had with Rollins. "Was it Finn?" He asks. I focus my eyes on the road and he keeps trying to guess "Nah, he'd tell me to do whatever I'd wanna do. It was Amanda, wasn't it?" He pushes. "Damn it Rollins." I hear him utter under his breath "is that why that night in the hotel you said what you said, cause she told you to stay away?"

I nod a little to confirm and softly say "she said you're too good for yourself and that you'd want to take care of me, and that it could ruin your career."

He chuckles "of course she would" his eyes roll. "Adds, I'm not worried about IAB or losing my job. You're not a victim to me, you're just a girl that I want to get to know more about, someone I really like."

I nod slowly, trying to let his words sink in "then sure, I'd enjoy going out on a date with you tomorrow." I agree. When we pull up to my apartment building he quickly pulls in front of the building, putting his flashers on "you don't have to walk me up." I tell him as he goes to open the door.

"Nonsense" he quickly mutters and gets out and helps me out of the car. We get upstairs and to my door and I unlock it before turning to face him.

"Thank you, Sonny." I say, my stomach filling with butterflies at how this might end.

He smiles back at me "thank you, it was a great night." He leans down to kiss me and as his lips get closer to reaching mine the memory of that night happening right behind me quickly flash through my mind. I don't know if he figured out what was wrong or was planning on this anyway but he kissed me on the cheek and whispers "goodnight Addison." Before turning and walking away


	24. Chapter 24: Change

"How was the dinner with Sonny and Bella?" My therapist asks once I'm seated in her office.

My smile grows wide "great, and I actually went out on a real date with Sonny last night."

"Alright, and that went well too?" She asks.

"Very. He's really sweet, I like him a lot." I tell her but adjust in my chair as I get ready to tell her more "but I'm worried about what comes next. The other night after dinner at his sisters he leaned in to kiss me. He ended up kissing me on the cheek. But I started to have flashbacks from the rape."

"Well, that's normal." She tells me, she opens her mouth to say more but I interrupt her.

"But I thought I was moving on. I'm ready to move on." I argue.

She holds her hands up "it's going to take time, it's going to be hard Addison. Right now, you are motivated and eager to put this all behind you. However, you experienced a huge trauma and it is going to shape your life from now on. Even though you don't want it to, it will." She tells me.

"How do I control it?" I ask her, feeling defeated now. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because you're going through your own timeline. I wanted you to feel that relief, feel that hope so you know what it's like when it comes again. To know that you will get there again, it will be okay. I can help by being here for you, to listen to you but this is your mind, your experience, and you are the one who will shape what it is going to turn you into. What do you want this to do to you? Who do you want to be?" She asks me. I hum out with an exhale, not knowing how to answer her. "Do you want to be who you were?" She asks. I shake my head no "do you want be a victim?"

"Of course not." I instantly say back to that question.

"Then don't be. Let out everything you've been harboring since the rape, since the trial and use it to mold into someone you want to be. Surround yourself with people who will help you, become a survivor."

"Sounds easier said then done." I hum out.

She taps her pencil against her paper "that is true, it will not be easy. But you have people in your corner."

I nod with a small smile to thank her and we finish the session without much more back and forth. I leave and when I get into my apartment her words flood back through me. I know I can't stay here and expect to move on easily. I pull up my laptop and start searching for a new apartment to move into. The options are slim for my budget but there's a studio a few blocks away that I can manage, cheaper then what I am paying now. I email the realtor to set up a time to see it and close the screen. The next day I go out and stop at my school, and officially resign. "Can I say goodbye to my students?" I ask the principal and he allows.

"Ms. Collins!" They all cheer and jump up when they see me. It's been over a month since they last saw me, and there smiling faces bring one to my own.

"Hey kiddies!" I squeal back trying to hug them all.

"I missed you!" One yells out. "Where have you been?" Another one calls. "Our sub is mean!" Another adds on and I chuckle.

"I missed you all so much. I've been dealing with some things, but you guys look so much older!" I change the subject, knowing how 2nd graders are with their questions. "Can you believe it's almost spring break? Whose going somewhere fun?" I ask, waiting for them all to shout out to me what they think they are doing.

After an hour catching up and saying goodbye to my students I leave the school and head back to my apartment to try and figure out everything that goes into moving out of my apartment and getting out of my lease. The realtor messaged me back and we made an appointment to meet tomorrow at noon at the building. I sort through a bunch of old paperwork and call my landlord. "Hello?" He answers in a husky voice.

"Hi Mr. Frag, this is Addison Collins. Apartment 603." I re-introduce myself over the phone. I saw him at the police station after Mrs. Blaine's murder. I figured he might know who I was by name but still wanted to mention where in the building I was located.

"Hello Ms. Collins, what can I do for you?" He asks.

I've only dealt with him twice before in the 4 years I lived here and he seemed nice enough "well, I'm sure you are aware of everything that happened here prior to Mrs. Blaine's death?" I ask, hoping he doesn't make me have to tell him.

He hums back "mmmm, I do. And I am so sorry about what happened. We are lucky we had those cameras installed."

"Yes, we are." I say back, annoyed he's trying to act like this happened to both of us. "Well, I know my lease isn't up for another 5 months but I just can't bare to stay in this apartment anymore. Is there anyway you could help me out and let me out of my lease?" I ask kindly, hoping he has some kind of sympathy for me.

The line is silent for a bit and I bite my lower lip waiting for his response. He exhales as if what he is about to say is hard for him "I would like to help you but if I let you out of your lease and word gets out then everyone will start asking for favors. The incidents here the past few months have caused people to chatter, and I just can't risk it. I'm sorry Ms. Collins." He explains to me.

"Ya but the incidents here are one's I've been directly involved in, they would understand." I argue.

"I'm sorry I can't help you. If you want to pay the fine to terminate your lease you can." He simply says back.

"Alright. Thanks." I return, hanging up before he could say anything more. It'll cost 3 thousand dollars to be let out of my lease and with putting a down payment on a new place, I just can't afford that at this time. I throw my cell phone down next to me and stare blankly ahead. There's a knock on my door an hour or so later. I quickly rush over to the door and call out through it "hello?" Hesitating to answer.

"It's me." Sonny's voice calls in.

My mind quickly remembers we were suppose to go out to again tonight and I open the door with a frown on my face "Sonny, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot about tonight." I look down at myself in the t-shirt and sweatpants I'm wearing.

"Oh, that's okay." He smiles back undeterred. "Do you still want to go out?" He asks.

I purse my lips together "I do, but I'm not ready to go anywhere, I look ridiculous." I semi chuckle.

"Nonsense, you look great in that t-shirt." He winks.

I look down at it and notice that it's the one he gave me to wear when I was staying in the hotel. I semi-laugh with a blush "thanks."

"We can stay in, watch some bad TV?" He offers the idea.

I open the door further allowing him to come in "sure."


	25. Chapter 25: Date

"Should we order some Chinese food or something?" I ask once the door is closed and he's behind me.

He goes straight to the kitchen "I'm sure I could whip something up. What do yo have here?" He asks, opening the fridge to look inside.

I go over to his side, also peering into the basically empty fridge "not much" I inform, just realizing how little I've been eating since everything.

I start to think about everything my therapist said, about taking control of my life and needing to mold myself into someone I want to be. I don't want my rape to be what defines me. I keep thinking about what she said when Sonny pulls me out of my trance "you okay?" he asks me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I look up to him and smile "what?" I get out "sorry, I was just thinking about something." I tell him embarrassed.

"I was just saying you have enough here for me to put something together, is that okay?" He asks.

"Sure!" I say happily "what do you need me to do?" I ask next.

"I'll cook, you just relax, put your feet up." He responds leaning into the fridge to grab some things from it.

I ask "you sure?"

"Yes. Go find some bad reality show on the TV and I'll start dinner." He assures me.

I nod, moving over to my phone instead to put on music. I put on a jazz station from my pandora playlist and he looks at me with a raised eyebrow "I'm not really in a TV watching mood tonight." I lie, not telling him about my cable being disconnected because I haven't paid the bill.

"Good choice." He smiles, rinsing the lettuce.

I go back into the kitchen and push to help "I want to help, what do you need me to do?"

"Why don'y you chop up that onion in your fridge?" He offers, looking over his shoulder at me as he chops the lettuce, "and I'll need a bowl to put this in."

"You got it." I say moving over to where he is standing "excuse me." I say, needing to get to the cabinet he's standing in front of. He moves to the side so I can open it and I get out a bowl for the lettuce. I lean up and go to hand it over to him. The bowl presses against both of us, making me realize how close we actually are to each other. I drop the bowl from being flustered and it crashes to the ground, breaking into pieces. "Oh crap!" I mutter as the glass falls across the floor.

Sonny chuckles "here, come here." He puts the knife down and opens his two hands as if to pick me up. I eye him cautiously at his gesture but he just keeps his hands there "you want to try to step around all this glass with bare feet?" He smirks at me, only trying to be nice. I sigh with a semi-eye roll and shake my head. I lift my arms for him to be able to wrap around my waist and he lifts me up easily taking a few steps out of the kitchen and placing my feet down on the rug. I'm thankful for his kind gesture but also regret thinking what I thought. Sonny is a good man, of course he wouldn't use that as an opportunity to get closer to me, to cause more anxiety about being with a man again. All of that, deepening my feelings for him "broom?" is all I hear him say to me and I look at him with a confused glaze "Do you have a broom?" He repeats to me.

I nod my head and move to the entry closet "yes, sorry!" I say as I open the door "here" I grab it and hand it over to him. "So sorry I dropped that, I don't know what happened." I lie, knowing very well the closeness of our bodies is what caused it.

"It's fine, just some glass." He returns sweeping. A minute goes by and he's all done "all done. But you should put some shoes on just to be safe." He leans down to pick up the dustpan and throw the glass into the trash. I nod my head and retreat back to the closet to put on my sandals. When I return he just finishes washing his hands. "I'll get another bowl." He leans down and grabs another bowl from the same cabinet.

I go to the fridge and get out the onion, placing it on the cutting board I got out before and begin to cut. It only takes Sonny 20 minutes to make the salad, then he moves to my pantry to see what else I have to make. "Just salad is okay, Sonny." I holler at him from the bar stool at the counter.

He looks over his shoulder "Absolutely not. I'm Italian, every dinner needs a pasta dish!"

"Alright!" I smile back, pulling a magazine from the stack of mail I have and begin to flip through.

I look up from a page a little bit later and see him swaying to the music in the background. His back turned to me as he sways to the rhythm, moving his feet with the beat. I try to hide my chuckle and as I see him turn around to look at me. I force my head back down to the magazine in front of me. "what's so funny over there?" He asks me.

I look up as if I wasn't just staring at him and try to lie "nothing, this article is just ridiculous." I say.

But as I say it he comes over to look at what I'm reading and of course it's just a page for an over priced perfume. "Oh, really? It's so ridiculous?" He stops me from trying to close the magazine to cover up my lie. "Oh yes, Keira Knightly posing for perfume is real funny!" He grabs the magazine from me.

"It's just.." I say, having no words to finish the sentence.

"You have something to say about my dancing?" He asks, putting the magazine down and putting his hands on his hips.

I shake my head "dancing? I don't know what you are talking about." I smile, knowing he knows.

"Nope. You are not getting out of this!" He snickers coming over to where I'm sitting. He puts his hand on my shoulder and another takes my hand. I stand up, wondering what is going on and he adjust so we are in a dancing position. He leads through the song, dancing along with the rhythm "my dancing funny now?" He asks with a wide smile.

I chuckle out "not at all." And let him lead the way. His left hand rests on my lower back and his right has a hold of mine, moving where his right foot does.

We dance for at least two songs before he stops, cursing as he lets me go and moves back to the kitchen "oh, crap!" he claims, grabbing a hold of the oven mitt and moving the pot off the hot stove. He looks down at the pot with pasta inside and shakes his head "so, I think I'm in the mood for some Chinese food."

I cover my mouth to hide my laugh and respond "I'll get the menu!"


	26. Chapter 26: Walk

The Chinese food arrives within an hour and Sonny gets the door. "Here we are!" He smiles putting the stained brown bag on the counter.

"Should we start with the salad?" I ask, now in the kitchen placing the dish he made down next to the bag. Sonny nods and I serve the salad. We sit next to each other in the bar stools and he goes to eat. "wait, no prayer?" I ask him with an eyebrow raise.

"It's usually a family thing." He answers back "no need to do it on a date."

I smile back "okay." We eat our salad as we laugh about the over cooked pasta. After, he serves me some of the Chinese food on a plate and we continue talking.

"So, how's working going?" I ask him before taking a bite into my shrimp fried rice.

He exhales "it's fine." He says, his voice sounding strain.

"What?" I ask him, clear something isn't right.

He shakes his head taking a bite of his own food and waiting till he finished chewing before responding "nothing, it's all fine."

"Sonny, come on." I urge "what is it?" I ask, putting my fork down.

He follows my lead and puts his down "I don't want to ruin our date with work stuff, it's not the happiest of jobs. Please?" He asks, his blue eyes pleading with me not to push it.

"Fine." I smile back through my teeth. "How's Anastasia?" I ask changing the subject.

He gushes about his niece for a moment and then asks me about my job "so, have you gone back to to work?"

I shake my head then explain "I actually quit that the other day."

"Why?" He asks. I give him a knowing glance and he nods his head in understanding "I guess things don't stay the same after going through the things you went through." He says kindly, not judging my choice to leave. "What do you want to do next?" He asks.

"I'm not sure, but I think I want to help people who are going through similar things to what I'm going through." I say to him.

He nods with a small grin "that could be tough. It's only been a few months since your attack." My own grin fades away, knowing that he's right but sad he felt the need to mention it. As if reading my mind he adds on "I think it's wonderful you want to help, I just hope you take some time to heal first."

"I will." I assure him "I can't even really think about getting another job yet, I still have to move out of here first."

"You're moving?" He asks curiously.

"I don't think I can stay here after what happened. I kind of want a fresh start somewhere else." I say.

"Are you planning on staying in the city?" He questions. I can't tell if it's just me reading into it or not, but his voice sounds strained, like he's worried.

I nod my head to confirm. "Yes, if I can find somewhere cheap enough!"

He kind of snorts "good luck with that. If you want someone to go with you to look at places, I'd be happy to come along." He offers.

"That's actually really sweet of you Sonny, thanks. I may take you up on that." I respond, I take one more bite of food from my plate and put my napkin on the counter, already full.

Sonny takes a few more bites of his food before being done. "So, should we make this into a dinner and movie kind of night?" He stands up heading over towards the couch, as comfortable as ever.

"Well actually-" I try to explain but he clicks the TV on and the screen fuzzes back at him. He flips through a few channels before catching on and clicks it off "I haven't really gotten around to paying that bill this month." I wipe my hands across my jeans in a nervous manner.

He throws the clicker on the couch "not a problem, it's a beautiful night for a walk. What do you say?" He asks with a gleaming smile.

"Sure" I agree, heading over to the closet to put a jacket on. Sonny puts his black one on, leaving off the suit jacket and closes the door behind me. I lock it, and we make our way to the elevator. We get into the street and he opens his arm for me to take. I do so happily and we begin slowly walking away from my apartment.

"So, tell me something about yourself nobody knows." He throws out to me once we are a few blocks away.

I exhale then hum, trying to think of something to say. "Alright, when I first started teaching I had to teach a unit on bee's. Well, I thought it would be smart to collect a few bee's and bring them into my class to show my students." I laugh at the memory. "I had one girl who didn't think it was very kind of me to capture these bee's so while we were all at recess she found her way back inside and free'd the bee's in the classroom!" Sonny starts chuckling next to me "when we get back into class it takes a few moments but there's at least a dozen bee's flying around the room! I didn't know what to do so I pulled the fire alarm to evacuate the school." I confide in him.

"You did what?" He asks with a large grin, holding back more laughs.

I nod a few times "I know it was wrong, but I couldn't tell my principal that I brought them in! I think I had 2 students who were allergic to bee's. The fire depart came and after they cleared the building I told them I was having a problem with bee's. They had someone come in the next day to inspect it but they couldn't figure out where they came from. People still think it was a student who brought them in, and I just can't tell anyone what really happened after all these years." I explain, laughing at times while I tell it.

"Well, good to know the people's tax dollars are being put to good use!" He jokes with me.

"Ugh, I know! I'm a terrible person." I put my head down and cover it with my free hand.

"No, it's fine. That's a pretty good story." He ensures.

I look up and smile. "Well, what about you? Tell me something no one knows about you." I return the statement.

I can see him wracking his brain for a story to tell me and watch as his eyes light up when he figures one out. "Well, when I was a kid, Bella and I went to the grocery store for some candy. We weren't allowed to spend our money on that, but we didn't care. We went home and were off the walls hyper. We were bouncing around all over the place. Well, we ended up knocking down my grandmother's urn, her ashes all over the floor. We didn't know what to do so we just kind of made a mess in the house, like it was broken into. When they came home we told them it was like this when we got home and they called the police. They filled out a report but nothing ever came of it. My parents still have no idea." He tells me.

I laugh at his story and comment back "ooh, your poor parents were probably so scared!"

His smile stays on his face after our laughter subsides and he says "your turn."

I stop where we are standing and turn to face him, releasing my arm and putting my hands in my jacket pockets "well actually, you didn't even go yet." He raises an eyebrow not following what I mean so I elaborate further "you told me a story that Bella also knows, so it technically is something that someone does know about you!" I call him out.

He throws his head back, not believing I caught him on a technicality. "Oh come on, that was a good one!" He tries to get out of it.

I shake my head not accepting "no, no, you need to tell me something that nobody knows!" I stay firm.

He thinks for a moment, his eyes looking up to the dark sky. They soon come back and are looking right into mine, his smile fading into a grin, a small dimple forming in one of his cheeks "well, how about nobody knows that I've been wanting to kiss you for weeks now." His comment stuns me, and I find myself with nothing to say. "Was that too much?" He asks, staying the same distance a part, keeping himself steady as the world spins around me. I slowly shake my head to tell him no, that it was okay. "May I?" He asks, leaning in just a bit closer. I nod my head this time, telling him that it was okay. He leans his head down to mine, our foreheads touching. My eyes close, allowing myself to be taken away with his scent of coffee, noodles and citrus. His left hand reaches around my neck gently. A moment later his lips are touching mine, his fingers gently squeezing my neck. His lips are just barely chapped from the wind and before I sink further into it, his lips are gone, off of mine.

I open my eyes and he's already looking back at me with a wide smile and twinkling blue eyes. I don't know what to say, barely still standing so I whisper out "hi" and bite my lower lip.

"Hi." He says back, taking my hand and moving us forward to walk some more.


	27. Chapter 27: Set-Back

We walk a few more blocks around before heading back to my apartment. Our hands stay intertwined the entire time as we both try to think of other stories to tell that no one else would know. When we finally get back to my apartment door. After unlocking it, I ask if Sonny wants to come back inside. He declines "I think I should get going. But thank you, for a perfect night." He lingers near me. I can't stand to wait to see if he is going to kiss me again so this time I lean closer to him, going up on my tiptoes to reach his lips. He kisses me back for a few moments before pulling away, both of us with wide grins. "I'll call you tomorrow?" He asks for permission.

I nod to agree and then tell him "goodnight." He returns the gesture and I head into my apartment. Once inside, I kick my shoes off and throw my jacket on to the chair, happily walking to bed not feeling this good in a long time.

I wake up early in the morning to the sound of loud knocking on my door. I throw some sweats on to go with t-shirt I'm already in, while making my way over to the door. I look through the peep hole to see Finn and Rollins waiting for me to answer. "Addison, Jacob escaped from the psychiatric ward early this morning." Rollins tells me once it's open.

My mouth hangs open and I stutter "wh-what? How did that happen?" I move aside to allow them to come in.

They walk in and the first thing Rollins goes to is the suit jacket hanging on the chair "Is Sonny here?" She asks inquisitively, her eyes starting to look around like she's waiting for him to walk out.

Finn looks to her then to me for my response. "No" I awkwardly chuckle "he brought me dinner last night, and just forgot his jacket." I tell them.

"Alright." She puts it back down where she got it from "we just got the call an hour ago. Benson is on her way to the ward now, we're here to take you somewhere safe."

"Why? Did he say something?" I ask, starting to worry about everything again.

Finn steps a bit closer "he left a list of names on the wall of his cell, yours was one of them." He tells me.

"So I should pack a bag and go to another motel?" I ask them with a sigh.

Rollins responds "appears so."

"I'll get some things together." I tell them turning to walk back to my room "again." I add on.

About 30 minutes later I am packed and ready to go. Before we can leave the apartment though there is a knock on the door "expecting someone?" Finn whispers. I shake my head no and he moves to the door slowly. He peaks through the peephole and lowers his gun "Carisi?" He opens the door while saying his name "what are you doing here?"

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" He asks them back, holding two cups of coffee in his hand.

Rollins answers first "We've been calling you for an hour, where's your phone?" He asks.

Sonny walks in, handing me a cup of coffee and then turns to his jacket hanging on the chair "I left it here last night. What's going on?" He looks around at all of us and then the bag in my hand. "Going somewhere?" He questions.

"Going somewhere?" He questions

"Jacob escaped. I have to go back into protection." I tell him, not allowing his partners to say it first.

"He escaped?" He turns to his colleagues "when did this happen?" He asks questions.

Finn slows him down "we can talk about it on the way to the precinct, Benson wants you to meet her at the hospital."

"Sure, yah. I'll go right now." He puts his suit jacket over his arm and turns back to me "I'll talk to you soon." He says with a sad smirk, wanting to say more.

"Bye!" I call after him as he leaves. "So, what motel this time?" I ask after a few moments in silence.

"Follow me." Rollins says and leads the way out of my apartment.

They check me into a motel but this time they stop at the door not coming in with me "we have to go follow up on some leads." Rollins explains.

"So I won't have a protective detail?" I ask, knowing how dangerous he is.

"I'm sorry Addison, but we just can't afford it. Someone will be posted outside the motel from 8 pm to 8 am. That's all we could do." Finn explains with a bit of sympathy in his voice.

"Alright" I return, not really knowing what to say. "Thanks!" I call out as they are walking away. I shut and lock the door, moving to the television to keep busy. An hour or so later I remember I was suppose to go view that studio today and run to my phone to make a call. I dial the agent who picks up on the third ring "Hi, this is Addison. I'm suppose to meet you today for a viewing."

"Yes, hello. I was just going to head out that way." A fake voice returns.

"Well, something came up and unfortunately I won't be able to make it. I'm so sorry!" I exclaim "can we reschedule?"

She huffs out some air "we can try, however, this place will not be on the market for very long. I recommend you find time today."

I bite my lip thinking. I don't want to go out there without protection, but I don't want to miss out on this place so I can get out of the one I'm in now. "Can I call you back shortly?" I ask. She agrees and we hang up. I dial Sonny's number next. As soon as he picks up and says his name, I tell him "I'm fine, I just want to ask you something!"

He puffs out a breath of relief "what's up?"

"I was wondering if you think you'd have time to check out an apartment with me today?" Before I let him answer though, I give more detail "I was suppose to go now but with Jacob out there I'm too afraid to go alone. I don't know, just wondering since you offered."

He sort of chuckles "of course. I can meet you around 6? Will that work?" He questions, his voice low.

"Let me call the agent back and I'll text you." I respond to him.

"Okay. Bye." He returns and hangs up.

I call the agent back and she agrees to meet us at 6 at the apartment. I text Sonny the information and resume being bored to death with watching bad cable T.V.


	28. Chapter 28: Night

After viewing the studio apartment, Sonny takes me back to the motel. On the ride back, he gets a call he has to take "Carisi." He answers. "Oh, alright." He responds after a few seconds. "Well, if that's what they want. Yes, sure." He goes on "No problem Lieutenant. I'll check in tomorrow."

"Everything okay?" I ask him after he hangs up, knowing that was Benson.

He looks over at me "it's fine" and smiles. We get out of the taxi and he pays the driver. "I'll walk you upstairs, can you just give me one moment?" He asks holding a finger up. I nod and take a seat on an old chair while he goes over to the check-in counter. "Alright, lets go." He comes back over and I stand to walk up with him. "So, what'd you think of the apartment?" He asks.

"It's got potential. Needs some work done that I just can't afford right now though." I explain to him as we get up to the second floor.

He looks down the hall for anyone lingering around and once he's satisified he leads the way to my door "I wouldn't mind helping, I know my way around a kitchen sink." He offers kindly.

I chuckle a little "you can cook and are handy? What a catch!" I exclaim over excitingly and we both laugh. "Thanks for coming with me Sonny." I say as I use the key to unlock the door. "I felt a lot better going with someone."

"Happy to." He answers back.

I look down at my watch and notice that it's past 8:30. "Huh, Rollins and Finn told me they'd have someone here on watch at 8." I say out loud wondering where they could be, nervous I'll be alone tonight.

"Well, about that." Sonny takes a key out of his pocket "I'll actually be staying in the room next to yours." He semi smirks, as if reading my mind he answers my question "turns out, the Dominick written on his wall was directed at me. In order to kill two birds they're going to have me keep watch by keeping me next door. For my protection and yours." His smile fades.

"Well, I'm sorry you have to spend your time here watching out for me." I say opposing the idea.

He shakes his head "I'm not." He smiles. "Get some rest Addison, I'll see you in the morning." He tells me, putting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a small squeeze.

"Goodnight." I say back, closing the door as he moves to open his next door.

After getting inside, I take a long shower and crawl into bed. It's 10 P.M now but I can't sleep. Just when things started to feel just a tad normal, Jacob escapes. His freedom brings back my anxiety, only able to think about what he will do to me if he finds me. I slip out of the bed and go over to the piece of wood that is connecting Sonny's room to mine. I knock on it gently, hoping not to wake him if he's already sleeping. He opens the door, still fully dressed in his suit "everything okay?" He asks in a caring manner.

"It's fine, I was just wondering if I could leave the door open tonight? I'd feel safer." I tell him openly.

"Sure." He smiles kindly and leaves the door open before heading back into his room. I go back into the bed, pulling my shorts off once under the covers and close my eyes, the light from his room giving me comfort enough to drift off.

There's a loud banging that wakes me from my slumber. I sit up quickly, my breathe getting caught in my chest. Before I could call out to Sonny he's already through the open connected door, with his gun in his hand. He looks at me to make sure I am alright and I stare at him with fear and wonder. He takes the gun and holds it in front of him with both hands, ready to shoot if need be. The knocking picks up again just as loud and he slowly walks towards it. He peaks through the peephole and turns to me "It's Jason." He whispers.

I dart out of the bed and open the door bewildered "Jason, what are you doing here?" I ask him.

He stumbles forward into the room, clearly drunk and mutters "They told me you were on the list on the wall, I wanted to make sure you were okay." All of his words blur together.

Sonny peeked outside, looking both ways before shutting the door, causing Jason to turn and look. He eyes Sonny up and down, standing there only in his boxer briefs, gun in hand, and then he looks at me only in a long t-shirt "did I interrupt something?" He asks with jealousy oozing off his lips.

"Just sleeping. Jason, how much did you have to drink?" I ask him, going over to help him stumble his way to the bed.

Sonnny walks over back to the connecting door "I'll let you two talk."

He goes to shut the door but I stop him "leave it open, please." He nods agreeing and keeps it half way shut. "Jason, you can't just show up here. How did you even know I was here?" I ask him worried.

"The officer watching my building knew, I paid him off to bring me here." He tells me, laying himself on the bed.

"What if you were followed?" I ask him angrily. He could be putting all of us at risk, for God knows what reason.

He shakes his head "we weren't." He simply says "You got any booze here?" He asks lifting his head up a little to look around.

"I'll get you some water." I respond, standing up to move to the bathroom sink. I fill the glass with water and bring it over to him. He chugs it down and hands me the glass after it's empty "Jason." I sigh his name, not sure what to say to him. I sit silently, and it doesn't take long to realize he has passed out, his breathe steady and a small snore emitting off his lips. I turn his body as best I can, so if he gets sick he's not on his back. After, I slowly creep to the door and walk into Sonny's room, closing it behind me.

"He okay?" He asks me, laying on the bed. He's still only in his boxer briefs, not expecting me to come into his room.

I look away embarrassed but respond "he's passed out on the bed. Can I stay in here tonight?" I ask him.

"Of course." He scoots closer to the end of his queen bed and I slowly walk to the other side. I sit on the bed slowly, not getting under the covers and lay as he is, our backs against the headboard.

Minutes pass in silence and I still can't sleep. I say in a whisper "can you sleep?"

He answers in a low voice "no" almost with a chuckle.

He has left the light on in the room and I turn to look at his face "can I ask you something?"

"Anything." He responds.

"Will my life ever be normal again?" I ask, wondering when all of this will end.

He looks at me with a side glance before opening his arm, suggesting I come lay with him. I inch closer to him, putting my head on his bare chest. He wraps the arm around my side and I lift my leg up, putting it near his abdomen. "What's normal to you?" He asks me, rubbing his fingers down through my hair.

"Good question." I say back to him, not truly knowing what I would want normal to look like. After thinking about it for a minute I answer him "I think I'd like this to be my new normal."

I bite my lip, wondering if I went too far in saying that to him. His chest falls up then down before responding "I'd like that too." He says. I stop biting my lower lip and smile wide, wrapping my own arm around him. "Except, I don't know how much of this I can take." He looks down to me with a smirk and I look up to him with confused and worried eyes. "You laying here in bed with me, wearing my T-shirt is drivin' me crazy." He smiles and I blush at the compliment, fully aware of his erected member under my leg.

I lean up towards him and kiss his lips. They aren't chapped like they were last night and he returns my pace, taking control. I move without breaking our kiss, sitting on top of him and putting my hands on the side of his head. He wraps his hands around my waist, over the t-shirt. Holding me tightly and occasionally rubbing at my back as we continue to explore each others mouths with our tongues.

Holding me tightly and occasionally rubbing at my back as we continue to explore each others mouths with our tongues


	29. Chapter 29: Talking

When I wake up, my body is wrapped around with Sonny's left arm. I slowly inch out of the bed; not wanting to wake him. I move to the bathroom where I turn the light on after shutting the door. I quickly brush out my hair with my fingers and wipe the old mascara from under my eyes. I tip toe back out of the bathroom, but Sonny is already up and pulling a shirt on over his head "morning beautiful" he comments once his head pops through the neck hole and sees me.

"Morning" I reply sheepishly back. He leans down and picks up his slacks, starting to put them on. "Where are you going?" I ask him, mentally noting the 6:56 time on the clock.

"I have to stop by my place to pick up some things before heading to the precinct for a bit." He informs me, already slipping his shoes on. He stands up off the bed and comes over to me. He kisses me on the lips softly for only a second "and I should take Romeo in there back to his place." He smiles, standing and waiting for my response.

"I'm pretty sure he'll be passed out for another 6 or so hours." I tell him, remembering the times in college when he got like this. He's not a heavy drinker often, but when he does, it throws him off completely.

"You can keep him here till I get back?" He raises an eyebrow.

I shrug, not wanting to spend the day with Joey but also not wanting to tell Sonny that either. "Sure."

"Good. He really has to be more careful." He comes over to where I'm standing and leans down to give me a kiss. I accept it, expecting a little peck goodbye but his lips lock on mine for longer then I anticipated and I pull away from my earlier anticipation, only to go back to his lips, basically falling into him. He forces himself to stop a few moments later "I have to get to work." He smiles down at me.

"Sorry" I mumble back looking down at his shoes.

He chuckles, bringing my eyes back to his "don't be, I'm sorry I have to go." He walks to the motel door and turns once it's opened "I'll bring back some lunch?"

He looks at me waiting for approval "sounds good" I smile and he nods before leaving the motel.

I crawl back into the bed, resting my head against the pillow he used last night. I close my eyes and easily drift back to sleep while thinking of the lingering shivers that are running down my body from our kiss. I don't know how long I've fallen back asleep for but the movement of something at the end of the bed wakes me and I open my eyes quickly with my heartbeat racing. "Sorry." Jason holds his hands up apologizing once my eyes lock with his.

"Jeez, Jason." I huff out a lot of air, slowly calming my heart rate. "What are you doing?" I ask him, sitting up.

"I feel like shit." He says bluntly.

I snort a little laugh "well you would with how much alcohol you had in you last night."

He shakes his head "no, I feel like shit for coming here, for taking over your room and possibly putting you in more danger. I'm such an ass."

I stare it him for a moment, not disagreeing. He looks at me with regret and I give him a small knowing smirk. He smirks back at me and pats at my foot above the blanket "did you sleep well?" He asks looking around the room for Sonny.

"Yea, it was fine." I tell him. "Jason, why don't you go back in there and take a shower." I recommend.

He thinks about it "I should head out, I don't think your officer friend is gonna want me to be here when he gets back." He stands up.

"He went to work, so will you stay? Just in case?" I ask him, wanting to keep him here like I said I would.

He eyes me for a moment but then lowers his head and nods "sure, I'll hang around for a bit." He stands from the bed now and leaves back to my room. I hear the door shut and the shower turn on so I head into my room to grab my own clothes and clean up. I hop into the shower and clean myself up. When I get out I can hear the TV on in the other room and quickly change into the clothes I grabbed. After brushing out my hair, I walk into my room and see Jason on the bed watching TV.

I sit down on the edge of the bed, watching for a few minutes before turning to ask him "so, what's with the binge drinking? That can't be good for your image."

He exhales, taking a sip of his glass of water "I don't care about my imagine anymore." He responds. I go to correct what I meant but he reads my mind and adds on "I don't care about my fathers image either. All of this is his fault." He stares blankly ahead.

I nod my head, not totally disagreeing with what he said. "So, it looks like you healed up pretty quickly." I change the subject.

He nods, his eyes coming back to reality "yah, still have a bit of a burn from the seatbelt but I'm feeling better. You're better too, huh? They seal up that bullet wound nicely?" He asks looking at my arm.

I pull down at my short sleeve to show him "yah, they did a good job, shouldn't be too bad of a scar." I look down at the scabbed over wound.

Without realizing it, Jason is suddenly next to me and touches the mark on my arm with his fingers. "I'm so sorry Addison." He whispers out.

I shrug him off and pull my sleeve up back onto my shoulder "it's fine, really." I mutter not looking up to him.

He puts a hand on to my chin and lifts it up to look into his eyes "I would never do anything to hurt you or get you hurt." He goes on.

"Jason, really. You don't have to keep apologizing. I know you didn't have anything to do with this." I say, his hand now removed from my face.

Our eyes stay locked and he leans down too fast for me to pull away. He kisses me but I push back once his lips touch mine "Jason, no." I urge and step up and away.

He rubs his hand across the back of his neck and looks around the room instead of at me "can you tell me that after everything we've been through these last few months, you haven't felt anything?"

I shake my head, feeling bad "I haven't Jason. It's actually hard being around you." I tell him honestly.

He sits up a bit, stung from my words "then why did you ask me to stay?"

"Because.. I- I-" I try to figure out something to say. "I just didn't want to be alone." He puffs out some air, wanting to say something but holds it back. I push him to spill it "oh, come on. Just say what you wanna say."

"Does this have to do with that detective you stayed with last night?" He finally asks, his tone filled with anger.

"Excuse me for not wanting to cuddle up to a passed out asshole! This doesn't have to do with Sonny." I reaffirm to him.

"Oh, Sonny is it?" He smirks deviously at me like he caught me or something.

I shake my head, not giving in to him "this is about you and me, Jason. We didn't work out in college because we just aren't a good fit."

"How do you know we're not a good fit now, huh?" He questions "I can see that you've changed, can't you see that I have?"

"It's not about changing, Jason. I'm sorry." I simply put it.

He goes towards the door "just be honest with me Addison, please." He asks reaching for the handle "will you ever give us another chance?"

His eyes reach mine and are glazed over with pain. Although I know the answer deep down inside I can't help but give him false hope "I don't know, maybe." I shrug looking away from him while doing so.

His lips form into a sort of smile and opens the door "I'll see you later Addison. Stay safe." He tells me before closing the door behind him.


	30. Chapter 30: Falling

I hear the door to Sonny's room open and I slow myself from jumping up and running into the room. I slowly takes my steps to the opened connected door and meet him there with a smile already on his face "hey, hope you like Indian!" He says with a greasy bag in his hands. He looks behind me then back to me "where's jason?" He asks, his smile fading away.

"He left." I tell him. "I'm sorry Sonny. I just couldn't be around him. He kissed me and wanted to get back together and I just needed him to go." I blurt everything out, feeling some what guilty.

"Hey, hey." He quickly puts the bag down on a side table and comes back over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder "don't apologize. Are you okay?" He asks caring, probably noticing the tears I'm trying to fight from forming. Of course, here they come again, always with Sonny around.

"I'm fine. I'm just glad he's not here right now." I tell him walking over to the bed with Sonny. "He kept pushing about you and me and I just don't want to get you in trouble with Benson or IAB."

"You're not going to get me in trouble Addison. I told Benson today about us." He informs.

"What?" I ask, not sure what he told her "what did you say?"

He smiles, causing my stomach to flop and explains "that I was falling for a women I've met on the job and that I plan on moving forward in asking her out."

"Wait, what?" I ask, my head and heart racing

"Wait, what?" I ask, my head and heart racing.

He chuckles a little "I want to move forward with us Addison. Can we do that?" He takes hold of my hand.

"Like date?" I ask him.

He nods and adds on "officially." His beautiful smile never fading.

I swallow hard, wanting to move forward with us as well but nervous in doing so "I want to, but after what happened I'm scared. I don't know how things will go."

He listens to me intently "things will go wherever you do or do not want them to go."

I nod my head eagerly then, happy to hear what he said "then yes, let's do it."

Sonny leans down to me and kisses me softly. His hand lacing my hair "ready to eat?" He asks in a whisper when he pulls away.

I pull him back "not yet" I mutter through a kiss. I can feel him laugh just a little and leans back towards me for more kissing.

We kiss for a few minutes before he pulls away with both hands on my legs "come on, darling

We kiss for a few minutes before he pulls away with both hands on my legs "come on, darling. Let's eat." He stands up, taking my hand and bringing me to his room and serves me some Indian food. "I'm gonna go make sure Jason got back to his fathers house, give me a minute." He steps away from the table and pulls out his cell phone. He stays in the room, not turning away while talking to someone on the phone. When he hangs up he returns to the table and picks up his fork "he got back, they're keeping a close eye around the home in case he was followed."

"So he knows not to come back here?" I ask to make sure.

"The officer he paid off is a part of his fathers team, but Benson called and warned them, they should know better to let it happen again." He explains.

"Good." I return, taking another bite. When we're finished eating I ask "Are you going back to the precinct today?"

He shakes his head "I'm all yours the rest of the day."

"Lucky me" I smirk back, blushing at my own thoughts and looking away.

"Want to tell me whatch you're thinkin' about over there?" Sonny calls me out.

"Nope" I smile back, hoping he lets it go.

He nods and chuckles "okay. Why don't we order a bad movie and put it on the precincts tab?"

"That a good idea?" I ask squishing up my nose.

"They're saving money putting me here for this, they can spare $6.50 for a movie." He assures and moves to the bed. He sits down with his back against the headboard and flicks off his shoes. I go to the other side and sit next to him. He grabs the remote and flips through the movie choices. He clicks on a movie and as soon as it starts he turns to me and asks "would you want to come to Anastasia's baptism with me this Sunday?"

"Sunday?" I repeat, a bit taken a back by this request. He nods confirming what he said. "Sure, that'd be nice." I lie, nervous to be around him in a church. It's one thing to pretend to pray during dinner but another to go into a church and lie about it. It's not that I couldn't do that, I just don't want to.

Sonny taps me on the arm "you're thinking too much, if you don't wanna come that's okay too, I get it." He offers kindly. "My family will be there and they've all been dying to meet you." He adds on.

"To meet me?" I ask, still confused as to why they'd want to meet me.

"I told you I was falling for you Addison. My sister clearly saw it too and told my entire family about you." He explains.

"I'll get to meet your family? That's great." I try to sound enthusiastic.

"If it's too much for you, I understand. I don't want to push you to anything you don't want to do." He says in a calm and nice tone.

I shake my head "there's no way I'd miss the chance to meet the family of the man I'm falling for." I repeat his words back to him.

"Yah?" He asks, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree. I nod back to him with my own smile and he wraps me into his chest and holds me close to him.


	31. Chapter 31: Family

Although I was stuck in a motel most of the week, it went by quickly whenever Sonny was there with me. Him and I managed to get out a few times that week to pick up food or some toiletries but for the most part I was stuck inside. Every night I'd fall asleep in my bed with the connected door open, just wanting to go slip under the covers next to him. I wake up and shower early on Sunday, my nerves barely allowing me to get any rest. I blow dry my hair straight and throw on a tiny bit of make-up. Once done, I change into a spring styles dress and throw over a black shawl to keep warm through the changing air. "Sonny, is this okay to wear?" I come out of the bathroom and go over to the door, waiting for him to appear.

His eyes gleam a little when he sees me and I can feel my insides warm when I look at him. He's working at tying the tie at his neck and pauses when he tells me "it's perfect. They are going to love you!"

"Thanks." I mumble back, going over to my bag on the floor to figure out what shoes to wear. I managed to grab no cute shoes for any attire for that matter and just slip on a pair of sandals.

"How's this?" Sonny comes from his room and opens his jacket out for me as if to model it.

I laugh out "perfection."

He comes over and wraps me into a hug "I'm really excited about this Adds." He pulls away with his hands around my shoulder.

"Me too." I smile back up to him.

He removes his hands and goes to fish something out of his jacket pocket. "So, I got something for you." He pulls out a long jewelry box "I know you're not religious and with my family all being there today, I thought this would be a good way to keep them at bay."

I take the box from him and open it; inside is a beautiful silver plated cross. "It's lovely." I say with a small smile.

"You don't have to wear it or even keep it. I just thought it would be nice if you didn't have to answer any questions, they'll assume your catholic if they see you wearing it."

"That's really thoughtful Sonny." I go to take it out of the box "you think it'll work?"

"Definitely. Let me help." He offers and takes it from my hand. I turn myself around, scooping my hair so he can clasp it at the base of my neck. My body shivers as he finishes, his fingers softly running over my neck. I drop my hair and turn around, his eyes shine as he looks at me "perfect."

"Is there anything else I should know? Any signs of the cross or anything I'll have to do?" I ask him as we begin walking out of the motel.

"I'll tell you everything you need to know." He takes my hand once the door is shut and he starts explaining how the baptism is going to go.

We arrive at the church promptly at 11. Bella hurriedly rushes over to us as Sonny gets the door for me "Dominick! Where the hell have you been? We're starting any moment!" She snarls towards her brother. "Hi Addison, I'm glad you're here!" She reaches to me for a quick hug. "Follow me!" She demands and we follow her quickly into the church. As we walk down the center isle of the church she turns as we reach the front "Addison, you can take a seat here. Sonny, you're up here." She pulls him before I could ask anything and he goes to stand next to Bella, Tommy and a women I've never seen before.

I go to the edge of the 4th pew and quickly make the sign of the cross as I bow as Sonny told me to do. I see an older women smile at me from the front row and another women push a man and point directly at me, both clearly related to him. I keep my eyes trained ahead, pretending I don't see them and curse Sonny for not telling me I'd be sitting here alone. I watch as they begin the service with prayers and scripture readings. Bella, Tommy, Sonny and the other women answer the questions the priest asks them by repeating "I do."

The priest asks them "Do you believe and trust in God the Father who made Heaven and Earth?"

They all respond "I believe and trust in Him."

"Do you believe and trust in his Son Jesus Christ who redeemed mankind?" He asks next.

They answer again "I believe and trust in Him."

Again they are asked "Do you believe and trust in his Holy Spirit who gives life to the people of God?"

In unison they say "I believe and trust in Him."

Anastasia is given back to her parents and the priest directs the them "is it your will that Anastasia be baptized in the faith of the Church, which we have all professed with you?"

Tommy and Bella reply "It is."

He baptizes her, saying "I baptize you in the name of the father" he pours water over her head the stops "and of the son" more water goes on her head and she begins to squirm and whine "and of the hold spirit." He puts the rest of the water over her head as Bella holds her over the bowl. More prayers are said after and finally we are released to leave. Everyone on the stage leaves first and I follow as one of the last ones out. I meet Sonny at the the doors and wait for him to finish talking to the priest.

Bella comes over to me, Anastasia with her father and she gives me a bigger hug then before "I'm so happy you're here! Come on, let's go!" She pulls at me arm to get me outside.

I turn around as I follow her and see Sonny quickly excuse himself from his conversation and run to catch up to us "okay, call down Bella. Let us do this." He says in almost a whisper as he reaches us.

"Fine!" He exhales with a deep breathe and a small smirk.

"Sorry I forgot to mention the godparents stand up there during the ceremony." He apologizes to me without me even saying anything. I smile back accepting the apology and we reach the small circle of people congregating by the sidewalk. "Mom, dad." He gets their attention "I'd like you to meet Addison." He looks down at me with a small grin and his arm wrapped around my back.

"Addison! It's such a pleasure to meet you!" His mother quickly opens her arm for a hug "you're such a beautiful lady. We are so happy you could be here today, thank you!"

"It's nice to meet you too." I return "I'm honored to be here. Bella and Tommy have done so much for me!"

Sonny's father comes over to me next and gives me a hug. He's a bit taller then Sonny is but has the same memorizing smile "Addison, hello! We've heard great things!" He squeezes me tightly.

"Hello Mr. Carisi, thank you." I say back to him.

"Please, call me Dominick!" He tells me pulling away. I nod agreeing to that.

Bella comes back over to us "we want to get some photos before Anastasia starts crying again! Come on!" She turns her head over towards the front of the church where the rest of the family is waiting. I follow behind them all.


	32. Chapter 32: Lunch

Sonny stands next to the women whom I know now as Anastasia's godmother and he holds his niece in his arms, slowly bouncing her to keep her smiling.

"Now, lean in and kiss her cheeks!" Bella yells to them from behind her camera. They do as she says and takes a few more other photos. Bella comes to me "would you mind getting one of all of us?" She sort of smiles as if she wasn't sure it was okay to ask.

"Of course!" I exclaim back, happy to do so. They all gather together and smile wide as I snap a few photos.

Bella returns to collect her camera with one of her sisters "this is Theresa, the oldest."

"Hi, it's great to meet you." I reach my hand out.

"You too. Say, are you the one who got attacked and everything?" She asks blatantly.

I stutter a bit, not expecting the question. "Theresa, you can't just ask her that!" Bella tries to whisper to her.

"Oh, uhm. No, that's okay. Yah, I'm her." I simply put unsure of how to even respond to that.

Sonny comes over with two of the other girls "Addison, this is my other sister Gina and Bella's friend Cara." The godmother has a name.

"Hi, it's great to meet you two!" I open my hand to shake theirs.

Gina takes mine, returning the kind words and Cara smiles and says "same! Say, should we get going to lunch? We don't want to miss the reservation!" She turns to Bella.

Bella nods and wanders off to find who knows and I stand with Sonny, his two sisters, and Cara. "So she's the one, huh?" Theresa nudges Sonny smiling at me.

"Oh, come on Therese, give me a break." He rolls his eyes then gives me an apologetic smile.

"What? She's cute and she's catholic! Mom and dad will be ecstatic!" Theresa responds and I feel more uncomfortable standing there listening as if I'm not around them.

Sonny takes my hand "come on. We'll meet you guys at the restaurant!" He hollers back as we walk to the car.

Once we get moving he looks to me occasionally from driving "so, how are you doing?" He asks.

I exhale for what feels like the first time in hours "good, I'm glad to have met everyone. It seemed to be okay." I say.

"Yah, don't worry about Gina and Theresa, they'll warm up to you! My parents adore you though!" He says squeezing my knee.

"Thanks." I reply back.

I start to worry about what they know about me, and as usual Sonny can tell I'm thinking too much "what's wrong?"

I shake my head but say it anyway "your sister asked if I was the girl that everything happened too. Did you tell them about the rape?" I look over to him.

His face registers shock and I know then that he didn't "Addison, I would never disclose that to anyone. I'm so sorry she said that to you!" He rushes his words out to me.

"It's okay." I accept his apology, although he didn't have to say one.

"I'll talk to Bella later. I'm so sorry." He apologies again.

I shake my head "no, don't talk to her today. Let's just let her celebrate her baby." I ask and say at the same time.

He nods in agreement and by then we've reached the parking garage. I get out and walk hand in hand to the Italian restaurant we're eating at. We are seated right away and everyone else piles in soon after us. The noise quickly picks up as everyone starts to talk and drink. "So, how did you guys meet?" His mother asks us once we order the food.

I hesitate in answering but Sonny quickly swoops in "I met her while I was at work one day." He keeps it short, not going into detail.

"And Bella tells me you're a school teacher?" His father adds on.

I nod with a smile "yes, I've taught everything from 1st through 5th!"

"That's wonderful. You know, I used to teach as well!" His mom smiles "my favorite was always 7th grade, those kids were so young, so confused. It was tough reaching them but once I did, it made everything worth it."

I nod, understanding a bit of what she's trying to explain. His sister Gina chimes into the conversation next "where do you teach?"

"Oh, well.. I was recently at P.S 156. But I just took a leave of absence to focus on some other things." I word myself carefully, hoping they don't ask too many questions.

"Mom, why don't you tell Gina who you ran into the other day!?" Sonny calls over all the side conversations so his mom can hear him.

She lights up at the memory and she turns to her daughter to explain "oh! I saw Joey's mother at the store! I couldn't believe it, he's about to sell this app for like a million dollars!" She waves her finger towards her.

Gina rolls her eyes "ma, Joey is still working down at the garage. He's not about to be some millionaire. Besides, last time I went out with Joey he left after my date and tried to hook up with Cara!" She chuckles and rolls her eyes again at her story.

"Luckily, Sonny and I were seeing each other so I pushed him right along and told Gina that same night!" Cara adds on. She then turns to Gina "member how you went and keyed his car?" She chuckles.

"He was so pissed, and still doesn't know it was me!" Gina laughs along with her.

I try not to let the idea of Cara and Sonny seeing each other bother me and keep my fake smile on as if the story they are sharing is interesting. Luckily, everyone's salads arrive then, diverting the conversations and slowing them down as we eat. Conversations continue through lunch and everything goes as smooth as I would've hoped it too. After saying goodbye to Cara, Theresa, Gina I move to say goodbye to Bella and Tommy. "I'm SOO happy you and Sonny are dating Addison! You'll be the best sister ever!" She hugs me tightly.

I laugh awkwardly and respond "alright, calm down. We just started dating. But I'm also happy, Bella. He's amazing."

"Thanks for being here today." She says once I move to hug Tommy and say goodbye to Anastasia.

I go to Sonny's mother and father next and she opens her arms for me to hug her "you're a lovely girl Addison. Thank you for being with us today."

"Yes. Thank you, darling." His father reiterates as

I hug him next.

"Thank you!" My smile stays on my face and I move aside for Sonny to say goodbye to his parents.

"Darling, she's lovely. Don't be shy now and bring her around for dinner! I'll make a lasagne!" I hear her tell him as they hug.

"Alright, mom." He says in return. He leans up from hugging her and quickly hugs his father. "Good seeing you dad." He tells him.

"You too, son." He says and with that Sonny and I leave the restaurant together to go back to the motel.


	33. Chapter 33: Jealousy

"Here" I say to Sonny as I unclasp the necklace he gave me to wear.

He pushes it back towards me "hold on to it, we'll probably be heading over to my parents place sometime soon. You really impressed them." He compliments me.

I nod thanking him for the necklace and turn to hide my blushing cheeks "I didn't do anything, you have a really nice family." I tell him.

"Sometimes, sure. Most of the time it's pretty drama filled having 3 sisters, but today was good." He explains.

"Yah, everything was good." I return, thinking about what Cara said about her seeing Sonny. Sonny walks over to the bed and kicks off this shoes. He takes a seat on the bed and rests his back and head on the backboard. I try to ask him coyly "so, when did you and Cara date?"

He smirks "so you caught that, huh? We dated 6 or 7 years back for a about a year." He tells me honestly. I nod with a smirk. "You jealous Addison?" He asks coyly back to me.

"Maybe a bit." I return biting my lower lip.

He laughs this time and I walk closer to him "well good, because I was insanely jealous hearing that Jason kissed you the other night!"

He moves over on the bed allowing me to lay next to him "you were?" I ask, happy to hear it.

He nods and says "extremely." His smile is devious and I feel my heart drops into my stomach at his grin.

"Stop." I push his arm, sitting up on mine so I'm facing him.

"No, really. I wanted to go kick his drunk ass and take him in!" He says, sounding partly serious.

"Oh, come on. It was barely anything." I say back.

"Barely anything is still something and I didn't like hearing it." He insists.

"You're ridiculous." I roll my eyes at him with a big smile.

But before I could pull it back away he sits up, wrapping his arm around me and begins kissing me "is this ridiculous?" I hear him mutter through the kisses he's laying on me

But before I could pull it back away he sits up, wrapping his arm around me and begins kissing me "is this ridiculous?" I hear him mutter through the kisses he's laying on me. "Is it?" He pushes a few seconds later, kissing through my chuckles and his laughter.

"No, no it's not." I laugh in between when our mouths break for a moment.

We continue to kiss one another, our hands exploring each other's hair and sides as we find our pave and quicken our needs for one another's lips. We make out like that for sometime before he starts to slow his rate down, lacing his fingers through one of my hands and opening his eyes between our kisses to look at me. "You're really special Addison." He tells me in almost a whisper.

"I could say the same thing about you Mr. Carisi." I respond. He gives me a look and I roll my eyes sarcastically "Sonny."

"That's right!" He smiles back leaning down to suck at my neck.

"Stop! Sonny, stop!" I yell to him, laughing at the feeling of his breath against my neck.

There's a knock at the door that causes us both to freeze and stare at each other. He slowly stands up from the bed and grabs his gun out of its holster from the nightstand. He holds it against his side walking slowly to the door. There's another knock and a call "Carisi! Come on, open up!" A familiar voice calls. Sonny quickens his walk to the door and opens it without looking to see who it is. Once opened, Finn is standing there with a worried look on his face "man, can't you answer your damn phone, we got a case!" He tells him then peers behind the door and me sitting there like a buffoon staring. "Hey Addison."

"Hi detective Tutuola." I wave like an idiot.

"You can call me Finn now. Anyway, Liv's got us all on this case. Manhattan socialite raped and murdered, found a few hours ago." He informs him lowly.

"She wants me there? Thought I was on protective detail?" I hear Sonny question.

"It's related." I hear Finn mutter and then Sonny looks back to me and I semi smile as if I didn't hear a thing.

Sonny turns backs and I see him nod and then shut the door. He walks back over to me rubbing the back of his neck "I have to go check this out. I'll be back by 8 though!" He tells me while putting shoes on.

"Ok" I say, trying to be okay with him leaving. I've gotten so comfortable with him being around I couldn't say I was happy to watch him go and leave me. He leans down and kisses me on forehead "bye babe!" I call after him as he walks away.

He turns around and I see the smile grow on his face "bye love." He says back with one final wave. He opens the door and Finn is still standing there waiting for him. When the door shuts behind him I lock the top lock and make my way back to the bed. I set an alarm on my phone and fall into a light slumber.


	34. Chapter 34: Shots

The phone rings and I answer it instinctively "hello?" I ask into the phone.

"Hey, it's me!" Sonny says over the phone, I can tell in his voice that something's not right

"Hey, what's wrong?" I say back, sitting up in the bed.

He quickly responds "I'm coming to pick you up, pack up all of our stuff. I'll be there in 20. Don't answer the door for anyone!" He tells me.

"What? Why? What's going on?" I spit into the phone, nervous with what he's saying to me.

"There's a gun under the mattress in my room, get it and turn the safety off. Again, don't answer the door for anyone, I'll be there as soon as possible!" He reiterates to me.

"Sonny, tell me what's going on." I plead to him.

I hear sirens go off into the phone "see you soon!" He either ignores my request or didn't hear me and hangs up the phone.

I stumble out of the bed and start to frantically pack everything of mine into the bag. A noise in the hall gets my attention and run to the gun under Sonny's bed. I look at it closely as I find the safety and flick it in the other direction. I lay it on the bed and start to quickly pack up his things. I hear the door move and drop what I'm packing and go over to the gun, holding it up at the door.

My hands shake as it opens but I hear Sonny before I see him and breathe out a large exhale "it's me" is what he said.

My hands fall to my side and he comes over to take the gun from my hand "what's going on?" I ask him.

"Jacob called me at the precinct and made a threat. He essentially told me he knew where you were staying and was going to race me here." He looks around at the room "we can send someone for the rest. Let's go." He picks up his bag and goes into the other room to get mine.

"Where are we going?" I ask him, my heart beat racing.

"The precinct for now. Rollins is downstairs waiting." He tells me walking towards the door. He peaks his head out and looks both ways. "Okay, let's go." He pulls at my hand and we quickly walk to the lobby.

"Hi Addison." Rollins briefly addresses me "no sign of him, we have 2 uni's posted outside in case he does show." She tells him and the three of us walk out of the lobby towards the car.

As we approach the car a loud bang goes off and something shatters. Sonny pushes me to the ground "shots fired!" He yells over me "stay down!" He demands and I feel him move off of me. I watch as he squats with his gun at the ready and yells back to Rollins "you okay?" He asks.

"Yah. You guys okay?" She asks but doesn't allow an answer "I can't see him!"

"We're good!" He calls back. He grabs his radio off his belt "shots fired at 7th and Madero, repeat, shots fired!"

Within minutes there are multiple police cars and an ambulance surrounding the motel. Sonny helps usher me to the back of the truck to be looked at as the rest of his precinct arrive to investigate. "She was pushed down on the asphalt, probably some scratches." Sonny explains to the EMT

"I'm fine, really." I urge to both men.

"You're shaking Addison, let them look you over." Sonny pushes. I sigh and agree with a head nod. Sonny leans down "I'll be right back." He whispers before kissing me on the forehead.

The EMT checks me over and wipes off all the dried blood from scraping my hands on the shattered glass. My heart rate is high but that's expected with the trauma I just experienced. At least that's what they told me. "Where to now?" I ask Sonny when he comes back over to me.

He shakes his head and looks down "precinct first, then we're getting out of Manhattan."

"Out of Manhattan?" I question.

"Come on." He opens his arm for me to take his hand and I accept. We walk to his car and he opens the door for me to get in. When he gets in his side and he looks at me "I'm sorry Addison. I brought him to us. I wasn't thinking when he called and I just darted out of the precinct." He tells me with sorrowful eyes.

"He followed you here?" I ask.

He shrugs "I think so. I called Rollins on the way to tell her about the call and she told Benson. I wasn't thinking clearly, I just had to get to you."

"It's okay, I'm just glad we are all okay." I tell him.

He nods just a tad then starts the car and drives towards the precinct. Once upstairs, he walks me into a room with some cots and lockers "why don't you hang in here for now while I do the paperwork involved in this. I'll be in soon." He drops our bags down on one of the beds and then rubs his hand at the back of his next, clearly distressed.

"Sure." I smile at him and he leaves the room.

A while later Rollins comes into the room "you need anything?" She asks.

I shake my head "I'm fine. Sorry you got caught in the cross fire today." I add on before she goes.

She takes that opportunity to step into the room and close the door behind her "part of the job, it's alright." She returns. I can tell she's holding something back and I decide to just sit there and wait for her to tell me what it is. "So, Sonny's gonna have to explain what happened to IAB now, this could put him at risk of losing his job." She says to me. I don't know what to say back, guilt washing over me. I shake my head with a shrug, letting her see that I'm speechless. She comes over to where I'm sitting and sits next to me "but I talked to him and he's serious about you. He doesn't care about internal affairs or anything. So, I guess what I want to say is be good to him, he's risking everything for this." She gives me a small smile.

I look at her a bit taken a back by her change but smile weakly in return "I will." I say back, knowing what I feel about him is true.

She nods once and stands to leave "if you need anything, I'll be at my desk." She says over her shoulder before leaving. I sit there pondering what she said about him, about IAB and what he told her. I adore Sonny, and am falling for him myself. But the guilt of what happened today, and the guilt of possibly ruining his career is eating at me already. I don't know what I should do and start biting my nails while thinking about it.


	35. Chapter 35: Hiccup

"Addison, wake up, wake up." Sonny's voice and the small shaking of my body wakes me and I open my eyes to see him sitting over me. "Everything okay darlin'?" He asks me softly, rubbing at my face.

I can feel the dampness of a tear being wiped away and I nod "just a bad dream. Thanks for waking me." I say in return.

"Sorry I took so long, had to go see internal affairs. But everything is squared away. I just wanted to let you know we'll be leaving in the morning." He explains.

"To where?" I ask.

He shakes his head and shrugs "not sure yet. Why don't you go back to sleep, I'll be right over here." He goes to stand up and move to another cot.

"Wait." I stop him by grabbing his hand. "Stay here?" I ask him hopefully.

I don't want to have another dream, and I'll feel better with him next to me. "Sure." He smiles softly back and I move in so he can lay next to me.

I wake up sometime later still wrapped in Sonny's arm. I turn around to face and my movement weakens him. He looks at me with a toothless grin and I smile back "morning."

"Morning beautiful. Are you ready to get going?" He asks.

I nod and we both sit up, stretching ourselves as we stand off the small cot. I straighten out my clothes as best as possible and pick up my bag. I follow Sonny out of the room and towards his desk. The precinct is pretty dead, due to the fact of it being 5:12 in the morning. Finn sits at a desk and turns once Sonny calls his name "you drew the late night shift? Sorry man."

"lieutenant needed someone she can trust to keep an eye on you." He jokes with him "you two are being picked up by agents at 7." He informs us.

"Agents?" I look to Sonny.

He nods "the Governor officially got the case moved to the FBI. They're taking over after what happened yesterday." He explains to me.

"And what about you?" I ask him. I know they were putting him on my protective detail case as he was under a threat too, but with the FBI taking over, would he stay at work?

He shrugs "not sure, but I'll be asking Benson that when she gets in." He suggests we move by walking towards the door "let's get some coffee."

Benson walks into the squad room around 6. As soon as she see's us she calls out "Sonny, my office" without looking in our direction and continues walking. "Good luck" I say as he walks out.

I wait impatiently for him to come out of her office and after about 20 minutes he comes out with a scowl on his face and comes to where I'm sitting "the FBI wants us all to stay at the same place, so we're going to the governors brownstone." He says standing next to me rolling his eyes.

"Is that were Jason is? Isn't that the worst place to be?" I ask him.

"I said that, but that's the plan the FBI has." He responds.

At 7 the FBI arrives at the precinct and talks with Sonny and Benson in her office. While I wait for them to be finished, Rollins returns to work and I fill her in on what's happening. She shakes her head "Damn, we really need Carisi in here." She answers back.

"What do you mean?" I ask, not sure what she's saying.

She looks at me to elaborate "well, they're not going to let him come into work then travel back out to the brownstone. He's going to be getting P.T.O."

"So any new cases that come in, he can't be on?" I ask, making sure I understand.

"Yup." She nods and leaves me to go to her desk.

Sonny and Benson are the last two out of her office. There are now 2 agents and the three of us standing together. "You two can grab your things and follow us." One directs before turning to shake Benson's hand and leaving.

I go to pick up my bag but Sonny gets them both "I'm sorry about this lieutenant Benson." I say with an apologetic glance.

She smiles softly "it's nothing to apologize for, and please, call me Olivia." She begins to walks us out "we'll get him off the streets soon, just hang in there." She encourages me "I'll talk to you soon Carisi." She tells him before the elevator doors close on us.

"This is Addison Collins, Addison, this is agent Fulmer and Agent Frey." Sonny introduces us with annoyance oozing into his tone.

"Hi guys." I say shyly back. One gives me a smirk and a nod and the other keeps his attention ahead. We get into the back of an unmarked black SUV and pull away from the precinct. "So, what do we do once we get there? Just hang out?" I ask Sonny in a whisper.

He shrugs with an eye roll "I guess whatever these guys allow us to do. No one wants to tell me anything."

I give him an apologetic smile and turn my attention back outside the tinted windows. After I figured we'd made a handful of unnecessary turns we arrive at the Governors brownstone. There are 4 different agents outside the building and 2 other SUVs parked on the street that I can see. "All of this for us?" I ask as Sonny slides out the car.

"All this for them." He retorts back meaning Jason and his father.

"Follow me." The man who didn't look at me when Sonny introduced us says and we both follow them up the steps and into the home. A man is waiting inside the door and takes our bags to search them.

He searches through mine first then let's me pass. He goes to start searching through Sonny's but pauses before unzipping "you'll need to turn over your weapon, sir."

"Are you series?" Sonny asks annoyed at the request. "I'm a NYC detective, I'm permitted to carry."

The man doesn't move or change his tone "outside these walls, yes. However, we have a protocol to follow in here and that means you'll need to turn over your weapon."

Sonny rolls his eyes with a scoff and pulls his gun from its holster "there's one in the side pocket of the bag too." He tells him about the other gun he hid under the mattress. The man nods to him and begins to unzip that pocket. He takes the gun out and passes the bag back to Sonny without further looking in it.

"You may go in." The agent says and Sonny returns his direction to follow us in.

"Glad he didn't check the other pocket." Sonny winks and whispers as we walk in.


	36. Chapter 36: Guests

"Ms. Collins, you will be staying in here." The agent opens the door to a large decorated room and places my bag at the entry. He continues his walk down the hall to the other side and opens another door. I faintly hear him say "Mr. Carisi, this room is for you."

"Detective." I hear Sonny snarl back and the man leaves him and walks back towards me and down the stairs. Sonny leaves the room he was standing at and comes back over to me. "This is insane." He shakes his head, his blonde hair starting to loosen out of its gelled state.

"It shouldn't be long, the FBI will get him." I try to make him feel better. He gives me a look and I realize I may have offended him "not that you wouldn't have, I just mean.." but I trail off, not really sure what I mean.

"Don't worry about it." Sonny says cutting me off anyway. He walks into the room I've been placed in and sits down at a desk. "What do we do now?" He asks more to himself then me.

"We've got a state of the art gym upstairs, you can go work out a bit." I hear Jason's familiar voice.

I turn as he finishes his sentence and he smiles at me, a white towel thrown over his bare chest "hi Jason, sorry we're intruding on you like this." I say to him as he walks past me into the room.

He shrugs "it's not a problem seeing as I did the same to you the other week." He returns "sorry about that Addy, really, I am." He apologizes. I go to shake it off but he adds on "at least he didn't follow me that time."

I eye Sonny whose exhaling intensely. I quickly walk further into the room and stand behind Sonny "well, we appreciate your hospitality."

"It's our pleasure. I see they placed you in the guest suite. Very good, Sonny, I hope you're okay with your accommodations down the hall, it's not as large as this but it's sufficed before."

I can see a smirk forming on the corner of his lips and can already tell what he's up too. Instead of being the bigger person I usually am, I throw myself right into his game. "Actually, he's going to be staying with me. We're dating, you know, only makes sense." I tell him, putting a hand on Sonny's shoulder. I don't know what it is, but it's like I'm back in college again, Jason playing his devious games and me willingly jumping in.

"Well, I hope to see you two for dinner in a few hours. My father will be joining us." And with that bit of information, Jason leaves the room.

He shuts the door behind him and Sonny stands and turns to face me "I'm staying in here, am I?" He asks with a grin.

"Stop." I slap him playfully. "I feel safer with you around anyway, so will you?" I ask him this time.

His smirks turns into a smile "of course. I'll grab my things." Sonny leaves the room and comes back within moments. He throws his bag on the floor and comes up to the bed and lays next to me. "Why don't you tell me about your parents?" He asks out of the blue.

"What?" I ask him, not sure where that came from.

He returns "well, you met my mom and dad, got to see a bit of why I am who I am. I just want to know you more, know why you are who you are."

"Alright." I say back, wishing I didn't have to get into it. "Well my father passed away when I just a baby." I start off.

"I'm sorry." He responds, like most people do.

I shake my head "it's okay, it was a long time ago." I continue "a few years after his death my mom started struggling with money and we lost our house. We lived in our car for a while until she managed to get us an apartment. She was a brave women, always putting me first and doing what she could to support me." I pause, thinking of where to go next. Sonny just lays next to me, rubbing his thumb up and down the top of my hand. "I went to school originally for nursing, wanting to somehow help people. However, half way into my freshman year classes I realized that wasn't what she would want for me."

"Why not? Nursing is a great profession." Sonny asks.

"Well, she was sick for a long time. I took care of her most of the time since we couldn't always afford doctor appointments and prescriptions."

"What did she have?" He asks calmly with wonder.

"She had schizophrenia." I tell him, worried with how he will respond.

He exhales slowly "that must've been tough for you." He pulls me onto his chest. "So you switched out of nursing?"

I nod "she wanted me to work with children, to help kids have a childhood that I never had. I switched majors and got a bachelors degree. One in business and one in education."

Sonny sits up, making me sit up with him. "You're a strong women Addison, don't you ever forget that."

His blue eyes are piercing through me and I swallow hard, the butterfly's heavy in my stomach "I won't" I barely whisper back.

He leans in and kisses me softly. "How about this." He says standing up off the bed "why don't I draw you a hot bath and you can relax while I go use that state of the art gym Jason was bragging about." Sonny offers with a bit of sarcasm in his tone at the end.

"That'd be great, thanks Sonny." I agree, thinking a bath would be good to help me relax.

He nods "okay" and moves towards the bathroom. When he returns he grabs his bag and rifles through it "you're bath will be ready momentarily my dear." He fakes an accident and retreats back into the bathroom to change. When he's out again, he's changed into some shorts and a work tee and smiles "you're all set. Enjoy." He walks over and kisses me on the forehead before leaving and closing the door behind him.


	37. Chapter 37: Awkward

Sonny and I go up a floor to the dining area where Jason and his father are already standing and talking together. When his father see's me, he smiles and steps around his son to say hello "Addison, it is a pleasure to see you again! You look ravishing." He compliments me while leaning in for a hug.

"It's good to see you too Mr. Morales." I smile back and accept his hug willingly. He was always kind to me when Jason and I were dating.

"This is my boyfriend, Detective Dominick Carisi." I introduce Sonny.

Sonny steps forward to shake his hand "its pleasure meeting you sir. I apologize for intruding into your home like this."

"Please, call me Charles." He insists shaking his hand in return. "It's no trouble at all having you both here. It's a pleasure seeing Addison again. I would love to hear what you've been up to." He gestures towards the table "please, have a seat." He smiles.

Sonny and I walk to the other side of the table to take seats next to each other. Jason is already seated and Charles takes a seat at the head of the table. The first course is served and once the waiter exits the room Sonny speaks up "we appreciate you having us here Charles, it's a lovely home." As annoyed as Sonny is about having to be here and off the case, he's being as polite as ever, something I should've expected.

"Like I said, it's our pleasure. The FBI should catch this man in no time." The governor returns.

"Jacob. His name is Jacob, dad." Jason retorts.

I shift uncomfortably in my chair at the mention of his name. Sonny takes a hold of my hand under the table and Charles responds "yes, I know." He simply says sternly. He then turns his attention to me "Addison, what have you been up to? How long have you been in the city?" He asks, picking up his fork to take a bite.

"About 5 years now. I was teaching elementary school for a while." I say "but I think I'm going to look into something where I can help people after all this."

"Well, we are always looking for people to join the campaign. I've seen some of your writing, you'd be a wonderful asset to my team." Charles compliments me.

"Oh, that's very kind of you, but I'm not really interested in going into politics." I thank back.

"I used to say the same thing, remember?" Jason smiles at me from across the table.

I chuckle just a bit "of course, over your dead body." I rolled my eyes at what he used to always say about following in his fathers foot steps.

"And look at him now, all grown up and working with his father." His dad beams with pride. I look to Jason and semi-smile. He used to wanna be in sports casting, and he thought he'd get a job easily with who is father is. I don't know what happened, if he wanted to change paths or was forced to. "So, how long have you been a detective Dominick?" Charles makes more conversation.

"This is my 6th year, sir." Sonny answers instantly.

"6 years, impressive. Do you plan on moving up the ranks?" He asks next.

Sonny sort of shrugs "well, I just passed the bar so I may be an attorney sometime soon." Sonny explains.

"You did?" I ask him, never learning of that piece of information.

He nods looking at me "I found out a few days ago, I passed." His smirk turns into a full blown grin.

"That's amazing, I didn't even know you were in law school!" I give his hand a big squeeze trying to hide the shock. I can't help but wonder why he didn't tell me about passing.

"This calls for a celebration!" Charles calls the waiter "Stephen, bring me the 1976 bottle of Champagne we have."

The waiter returns "right away, sir."

Sonny shakes his head "no, no. Please don't. It's nothing, really."

Charles responds "it's not easy becoming a lawyer, I would know. So it is something to celebrate, isn't that right Addison?" Charles asks me for back up.

Although I don't want to make Sonny uncomfortable, I don't want to disagree with Charles. I sink just a tad in my chair and look at Sonny with an apologetic glare "it is kind of big."

Sonny sighs giving in and Stephen returns with champagne and flutes to drink out of. He pours everyone a glass and we raise a toast "why don't you do it, Addison. You're the one here good with words." Jason says.

I give him an evil glare only he can see but speak up "to Sonny. Congratulations on passing the bar and may your success continue. I'm very proud of you." I give him a warm grin "cheers."

I tap his glass first then the rest of us clink glasses as well. I finish the drink quickly, allowing Stephen to pour me another. Our meal is served next and Jason asks his father "so, how many more people on Jacobs list do you plan to have here?" Sonny and I sort of tense up, clearly feeling the awkwardness of these two.

His father puts down his fork and looks at him intently "why don't you just say what you want to say, Jason." His father counters.

"Fine." Jason puts his fork down "are you going to have her come stay with us? Jacobs mother?" Jason gets to his point.

I eye Sonny who eyes me and we both start to slowly lower our forks and bow our heads, waiting for the proper time to leave. My eyes return back to Charles though who doesn't look fazed by the question. "I don't see the point." He simply says.

Jason stands angrily now "he said it in the hospital that he holds no reserve on her, she's on his list too! We should be protecting her!"

"I took in Addison and her friend as you asked, that's enough now Jason. Stop being a child and grow up!" Charles sort of yells back.

Jason spits back "why don't you grow up dad. Take some responsibility for your actions and do the right thing."

Jason leaves the room and silence follows. Charles sits for a moment staring at his sons empty seat before picking up his fork and turning to us "please excuse Jason. He's still very upset about all this." He gestures towards us "please, eat."

I look to Sonny who nods enough for where only I can see and we both pick our forks back up. We take a few more bites before Charles is called out of the room on business and we decide to retreat back to the bedroom.


	38. Chapter 38: Ready

"Why didn't you tell me you passed the bar?" I ask Sonny once we're in the room and the doors closed. I try to contain the disappointment in my voice.

He shrugs "I only just found out yesterday and I wanted to tell you when I told my parents."

"You did?" I blush momentarily, feeling embarrassed about being angry.

He opens his arms and pulls me into a big hug "your my girlfriend, which means your family too now."

I lean my head up for a kiss and he reciprocates. It leads to us making out on the bed, me straddling on top of him. After a while, I get hot so I sit up and pull my shirt off. Sonny's eyes glisten over my body and I feel my skin heat up with his stare and smile. He quickly leans up to pull me back into our passionate kiss. One arm hugs me at my waist and the other holds my cheek and neck. I move my hands towards his pants and slowly work at the belt "Adds.." he hums my name between kisses. I ignore him and continue loosening it. Once released I unbutton his button and this stops him holding me as he leans back down a little towards the bed to see me "hey, let's slow down here, okay?" He asks.

"What? Why?" I asked suddenly feeling naked and vulnerable. He looks at me with a sort of sad grin and I speak up before he can "is it because I'm damaged goods?" I echo the words he said in the hospital the night Jacob held me at gun point.

"Hey, don't do that." He sits up, me still on his lap. You know I didn't mean that." He finishes.

"Then what is it?" I push further.

He shakes his head a bit and pulls me off his lap and into his arms "because I don't want to rush things Addison. I want you and I to go the distance and I don't want you to regret this later down the road."

"I won't regret it." I argue him, wondering where all this is coming from.

"You might, and it would kill me to rush you into something you're not ready for." He runs a finger across my face gently.

"Sonny." I sigh his name "you're not rushing me."

He sighs this time "how about you talk it over with your therapist, see if you really are ready. We can revisit this later." He offers, trying to get off the subject.

"So now I have to get permission from my therapist?" I ask sort of jokingly to hide my annoyance.

He rolls his eyes "you're impossible, you know that?" He kisses me on the forehead, ending the conversation. "I'm gonna go get ready for bed." He hops off the bed and towards the bathroom.

I pull my cell phone off the side chair and text my therapist "can we push Thursday's meeting to tomorrow?"

I put the phone back down and search for my toothbrush in my bag. "Ugh, forgot my toothbrush at the motel! Be right back!" I call into the bathroom.

I leave the room and make my way towards where I believe Jason's room is. I knock on the door and within moments he answers it "what's up Addy?" He smiles wide.

"You guys have any spare tooth brushes around? I forgot mine." I inform him.

"Sure, follow me." He pushes the door open further and walks down the hallway a bit farther. "I'm sorry about earlier at dinner. My father still doesn't think he has anything to do with everything that's happened with Jacob."

"Don't say his name." I spit out, wishing I hadn't once it came out.

He looks at me with a head tilt then utters "sorry, it's easy to forget what happened to you."

"Not for me, I think about it almost all the time." I say back in a flat tone.

"I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry, I just meant that -" he tries to go on.

I stop him before he can say more things to make it uncomfortable between us "it's fine Jason, really, just show me where to grab a toothbrush."

"Right" he says turning his attention back to the bathroom. He leans down and grabs one from under the sink. "Need another for Detective Carisi?" He asks.

I shake my head "he's good, thanks."

I go to turn around but he stops me, grabbing me by my arm gently "does he help you forget what happened, your boyfriend?"

I turn and face him, not wanting to hurt him but wanting to be honest "sometimes, he makes me feel human again."

"Good." He responds "I'll try to stay out of the way then." He tells me.

I half smile "thanks Jason."

I lean in to give him a hug and he hugs me back "but no promises." He adds on in a whisper as we pull away.

"Everything okay?" I hear Sonny call out into the hall towards us.

"Ya, just got done here." I call back to him. I turn back "night jason." And wave as I retreat back to the bedroom.

"All squared away?" Sonny asks me inquisitively as I walk past him.

I smile up at him "yes, I'll be right over!" I walk into the bathroom to clean up.

Once done I walk back over to the bed and check my phone. I have one message from my therapist "I hope everything is okay. I can squeeze you in tomorrow at 10:30 sharp. Let me know."

I return "everything is okay, I will see you tomorrow at 10:30. Thank you." I crawl under the covers with a smile on my face and curl up next to Sonny "why don't you tell me about law school, when did you start?" I start to ask him questions, intrigued about what made him want to go into law and everything behind it.


	39. Chapter 39: Therapy

"Hello Addison, come in." Margret Foye steps aside and let's me walk past her. I drop my bag on the floor and plop down onto the seat "I see you brought a friend." She eyes the man in the suit standing at the entrance to the doorway like a statue.

She shuts the door and I sigh "Mr. Morales was very firm that if I had to leave the home then an FBI agent would have to take me." I explain.

"How are you finding it staying at Jason's?" She asks.

I shrug with a lip purse "it's alright. I thought it would be weird with Sonny and Jason there but it's mostly just weird because of Mr. Morales."

"How's that?" She pushes.

"Jason made a point to tell him to take responsibility for his part in all of this and I can't help but agree with him. I mean, I guess it's nice that he took us into his home and has us under protective detail and all, but it's awkward knowing he has a hand in all this." I elaborate. She sits and I know to continue "and I think Sonny is frustrated because the FBI is on the case now and he's being put on desk duty until this is all figured out and I feel responsible for that as well."

"How are you responsible?" She questions.

I give her a know it all glare "because if I didn't start to date him he wouldn't be on his list, he wouldn't be in danger."

"Sonny also pursued you Addison. He's an officer, he knew the risks." She says to try and make me see the other side.

"I guess, but no one expected him to escape." I add on. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something, err I uhh... I guess actually Sonny wanted me to talk to you about something." I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"Alright, go on." She insists looking curious.

I bite my lower lip wondering how to begin this conversation. "Well, last night I wanted to take things further with Sonny then just the usual making out and everything but he didn't want to." She squints her eyes a little and I continue "and he said he didn't want me to regret anything because he wants us to go the distance, whatever that means." I shake my head a bit.

"How did that make you feel?" She asks a typical question.

I respond with the already rehearsed answer from the car ride over "I was offended, like maybe he didn't want to sleep with me after what happened. Like he didn't want me."

"And then he said he wanted you guys to go the distance, what did that make you feel?" She questions.

"I didn't even really register that, I was still hurt he didn't want me." I explain.

"Well, register it now." She encourages. "Sonny would like to have a future with you. What do you think about that?"

I think about it for it a bit and butterflies stir in my stomach "it sounds promising, like maybe I shouldn't rush into things."

"So, you were rushing into it then?" She asks.

I think about that for a moment then and shake my head "I don't think I was. I think we are ready to take things further." I smile, really feeling good about this.

"You said we, so you're sure he's ready for that?" She posts the question.

I huff out some air, not really thinking of that. I've been so worried about me being ready to move forward, I don't really know if he is. I met his family and we're sleeping in the same bed already and maybe he thinks that's moving forward enough and wants to wait to sleep together. "I guess I'll have to find that out, huh?"

Her lips form a small smirk and she nods "I think that would be good." I nod in return and wait for her to ask another question. It doesn't take long before she does "you know Addison, it's been just over 3 months since the rape, have you gotten your test results back yet?"

She refers to the HIV test I took a few days ago. I bite my inner lip and shake my head "they left a voicemail and wanted me to call them back."

"And you haven't?" She asks although she can already tell the answer.

"Both other times they left me a message saying everything was fine, I was negative and that they'd see me for the next test. Only this time they want me to call back."

"That doesn't mean it's positive. The chances of that after both previous tests being negative are extremely low." She explains what I already know.

"Right, but extremely low and impossible are two different things. What if they tell me I'm HIV positive? What then?" I ask out loud, truly worrying about that.

"Well, you may not even have to go there. Why don't you call them right now and we can find out." She offers to be there for me.

I shake my head "I don't think I can do that right now. I'd rather do it alone, no offense." I return.

"None taken. I do recommend you get the results back before engaging sexually with anyone." She tells me. I slowly nod my head agreeing, knowing what she's saying is right. "We were suppose to talk about your job options but I haven't seen you since Jacob's escape. We had a brief conversation on the phone but should we go a bit deeper now that you're here?" She asks. We spend the rest of my session going over what happened and how I've handled the emotions of that new trauma. After leaving her office, I convince the FBI agent to drive me to the precinct so I can talk to Sonny.


	40. Chapter 40: Results

"Hey Addison, it's good to see you!" Finn spots me first, walking past me and out the door with Amanda.

"Hey Finn, hey Amanda." I sheepishly wave to them.

"Hey." Amanda coldly responds.

Sonny, now standing at his desk with a confused look on his face "what's going on, everything okay?" He asks worriedly.

As he begins to come over to me I quickly walk to his desk so he can't get too far away from it. "Everything's fine." I smirk back up and he kisses me on the forehead. He still looks at me with wonder and I decide to just tell him why I'm there "the lab called with my HIV results and want me to call them back."

His eyes widen with a sort of knowingness and he ushers me out of the pen and to a room with the lockers and cots. "Hey, that's normal for them to want to talk to you, it doesn't mean anything."

"But what if it does? I already went through the odds with Margret but I'm scared Sonny, what if this time it comes back positive?" I confide to him "what if this nightmare won't end?"

He pulls me in for a hug and squeezes me tightly "I'm telling you, your results will be negative. I know the statistics too and you're okay honey." He encourages me.

I exhale deeply against his chest and ask "will you stay with me as I call them?"

"Of course!" He instantly answers. He removes me from the hug and closes the door to the room. He suggests I sit down on a cot and I do so before taking out my phone.

I find the number at the top of my missed calls list and hit dial. I bring it to my ear and try to keep my breathe calm. Sonny's puts a strong hand on my knee. I listen to the options and select 0 to talk to a receptionist. "Hi, I'm calling back for my test results. Addison Collins."

"One moment please." She says back. I hear a click in the other line and my breathe stops, knowing I'll soon know everything.

It was probably only a few minutes but the whole world stopped moving while I waited for the other line to pick up again "Hello Addison, Dr. Jenkins here. Thank you for calling us back."

"Yah." Is all I manage to get out.

"I have your results pulled up and they have come back negative." She says casually. My breathe finally comes back to me with a large inhale and I look to Sonny with a smile, my eyes faintly forming tears. Dr. Jenkins continues "we would like to see you in 3 months for one last test but since the previous tests have all been negative the chances are extremely extremely low you've been exposed."

"Thank you!" I whisper into the phone, letting a tear fall down my face.

"Of course. Would you like to set up your 6 month appointment now? I can transfer you back to our receptionist." Dr. Jenkins asks.

"No, I'll call back when it's closer. Thank you!" I say again before we exchange salutations and hang up.

Sonny's grin is wide and he says "see, everything's alright." He pulls me into a side hug.

"Thanks Sonny. What time are you off tonight?" I ask, knowing I should let him get back to work.

He looks down at his watch then back to me "not sure, Finn and Rollins just left on a new case so I'm going to finish up the paperwork I'm on and see what they need me to do. Hopefully not too late but it just depends."

I nod understanding "well, just let me know." I stand up "I'll let you get back to it then."

Sonny stands with me and leans his forehead against mine "everything else okay?" His smile is curious.

"Everything else is great." I assure him.

He leans in for a strong kiss and I find it hard to let him pull away. "See you later babe!" He says opening the door for me.

I wave back and make my way downstairs where the FBI agent is waiting for me.

I'm awoken by Sonny's gentle hands lifting me up "what's going on?" I mutter out, my eyes slowly blinking open.

"You fell asleep on the chair, I'm just moving you to the bed sweetheart". He whispers back as he lifts me up and walks the few steps to the bed.

I mutter "what time is it?"

He answers "a little after midnight, we had a long day." He lays the blanket over me.

He kisses me on the forehead and says goodnight "aren't you coming to bed?" I ask him, not letting my eyes close again.

He smirks back "I'll be in soon." He assures and goes to leave the room. As I began to drift back off to sleep it sounded like he said something else, but I couldn't be too sure what it was before the door closed behind him and I let my slumber win.

I wake up before the sun rises and notice Sonny still not in bed. I look around the room for some of his work things to see if he's been around but everything looks like it did last night. I open the bedroom door quietly and walk down the hall to see if I can find him. After looking around the large brownstone for a few minutes I go back to the bedroom and dial his number. It rings a few times but goes to voicemail. I decide to send him a text "hey, where are you? Called into work?" I put my phone back down and try to get some more sleep.


	41. Chapter 41: Flashback

I don't get much more sleep but manage to doze off and on for a few hours to pass the time. When I finally do get up and shower it's around 10 in the morning and still no word from Sonny. I move to my bag of clothes and fish out his lieutenant's card. I dial the number and after 2 rings she answers "Benson."

"Hey, this is Addison. I'm sorry to bother you at work but I was wondering if Sonny is there right now?" I get out quickly not wanting to take up much of her time.

"Not yet, he should be in at noon though. Is everything okay?" She asks with concern coming across her voice.

"It's fine, I'm sure he's just out running errands. Thanks!" I try to seem okay and get off the phone before she could ask any questions "bye!"

I hang up the phone before hearing her respond and stand there thinking. My mind races for awhile on what could've happened, or where he could've went. Luckily, it's not too much later that the bedroom door opens and Sonny walks in "Hey, what's wrong?" He asks once seeing my face.

He comes over to me as I respond. "I didn't hear from you, I was worried something happened."

He gives me a hug "nothing happened sweetheart, I'm right here." He tries to assure me.

"I just- with Jacob still out there, I can't help but think the worse when I'm not with you." I say to him.

He keeps his embrace on me and asks "I'm sorry, I had to take care of something for work. I'll be better at responding, okay?"

"Thanks." I return, feeling bad for making him feel bad.

"So, tomorrow's Sunday and I have some time off. I wanted to take you somewhere. If that's okay with you?" He asks.

I perk up a bit at the idea of another date with Sonny "of course, but we'd need to convince the FBI agents to tag along." I remind him.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll be okay with where we're going." He answers back. I go to ask him but he quickly jumps in "I'm not saying! Just make sure to where sneakers."

"Sneakers?" I push my nose up to tease disdain "there's nothing cute about sneakers."

He laughs "everything you wear is cute, darlin'." He kisses me on the nose. "I'm gonna clean up before work!" He goes to walk away.

When he's out of the shower he comes out with a towel around his waist and water glistening off his body. It's then that I'm remembered about the conversation I had with my therapist and blurt out "so I talked to my therapist!"

He stops what he's doing and eyes me with a sly smirk "oh yah? How did that go?" He questions before returning to get his clothes.

I shrug with a smile "it went well, and we've decided that I'm ready to take things forward." I spill, basically drooling at the site of him "but only if you're ready too. I guess I've been kind of hyper focused on me I didn't even stop to think if this was going too fast for you."

He chuckles a bit more and moves back to the bathroom "of course I'm ready to take things further Adds." He smiles over his shoulder.

"Great!" I dumbly answer. Just then either by accident or on purpose the towel covering Sonny drops and I see his bare ass. He shuts the door to the bathroom to change and I can't help but feel the heat rush to my cheeks and my body react with needs for him.

He comes back out 30 or so minutes later in his suit and his hair coiffed back. "You're a jerk." I mock as he shuts the door behind him.

"What?" He asks teasingly like he's offended.

I laugh "you know what!" I respond.

"That was just payback for that night at the motel." He returns sitting on the bed next to me. I eye him not sure what he means. "The night you wore my shirt to bed and nothing else." He reminds me.

"Oh!" I say, remembering then and blushing.

"Yahhh, I had a tough time getting that out of my head the next day." He chuckles telling me.

I chuckle along "okay, fine. Fair enough. You're not a jerk." I take back my joking comment.

He smiles and stands "let's go find something to eat before I head to work."

"Sure." I follow him out into the hall and to the kitchen. When we get there we see Mr. Morales at the fridge. "Good morning Mr. Morales!" I exclaim to him.

He looks at us and smiles "please, call me Charles. Good morning Addison, good morning Dominick." He greets both of us. "Would you like me to call in someone to make you a breakfast?" He asks kindly.

Sonny answers "no thank you sir, I have to grab and go." He reaches over to the fruit bowl and takes a banana and an apple. "I'll text you. Bye!" He plants a soft kiss on my forehead and goes to leave "goodbye Charles." He adds on before leaving the room.

"Would you like something hot for breakfast?" Charles asks me.

I shake my head "no, I'm fine with some fruit. Thank you." I tell him going to look into the bowl to see what I'll eat.

He starts to walk over towards me and I wait before getting my food, wondering what he wants. He gets a tad close but stops before invading all my personal space "are you sure you don't want to come work for my campaign honey? We could surely use someone with your talents on staff." He grins at me, his eyes exploring my body. His face is devious, and sends chills through my body. It's the same grin Jacob had when he raped me.

My body freezes and I stutter "no-no thank you."

He shakes his head a tad and tsks. "Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind." His smirk turns into a full on grin and he goes to walk away. I stand frozen in place and as he passes me too closely he reaches his hand over and firmly grabs my ass.

I stand completely still, blood coursing through my body as I flashback to months ago when I was wrongfully abused and shamed. "Addison?" A voice calls to me and I suddenly feel myself blinking my eyes. "Addison, you okay?" Jason's body comes into view and he touches me arm.

I jump back a bit startled and worried and his hand retreats. I don't know how long I was standing there motionless but I answer him "oh sorry Jason, was just thinking." I lie.

"You okay? You were pretty zoned out." He states back.

I nod softly "yes, I'm fine. Thank you. I'll see you later!" I rush out of the kitchen and back to the bedroom where I lock the door behind me.


	42. Chapter 42: Open

I rush into the shower feeling victimized all over again. I turn the water on hot and get in while it's freezing. I soap the loofa and begin scrubbing myself raw to get the feeling off of me. I don't know how long it takes before I feel clean enough to leave the shower and crawl into bed. I wrap my naked body in a towel under the blanket and weep. I lay there for hours wondering what I did in life to deserve this sadness and pain. I get a text from Sonny around 4 "hey doll, I got all paperwork on lock here. Should be around for dinner. What do you want me to pick up?" I drop the phone back down and continue in my self wallowing. Another 2 hours or so go by and I get another text "everything okay over there ?"

The sight of Sonny using an emoji makes me smile and I unlock the phone the respond "sorry, not really feeling myself today. Get whatever you like ?." I send back to him, hopefully the kiss emoji will back will keep him from worrying about me.

"Ok. Be there soon." He responds instantly and I place my phone back down.

Not too long later I hear the handle jingle and I jolt up in a panic. What if Charles is trying to get in. It continues to jiggle and I decide to see if Sonny still hid a gun under the mattress. To my surprise it's there and I lift it out of the mattress and towards the door. The handle still jiggles and I try to keep my hands from shaking. "Addison?" Sonny's voice comes through the cracks as he knocks gently. I rush over to the door and open it quickly. Once he sees me his eyes must register my panic and I'm already throwing myself into his arms "hey, hey. What's going on?" He hugs me in return rubbing at my back.

"Sorry! I was just scared." I mutter, trying to hold back the tears.

"You don't have to be sorry doll. Hey, look at me." He says softly and my eyes find his "you never have to be sorry for being afraid. Okay?" He asks. I nod back, letting the tears drop and he moves to usher me back inside the room. As we start walking in he stops and grabs a hold of the wrist of the hand that is holding the gun. "If your gonna carry that thing around, you'll need a permit." He smirks, moving my fingers off the handle and taking it into his hands.

"I'm so-" I go to say but he eyes me cautiously. I sigh and instead say "I just wanted to feel safe since I didn't know who it was."

"Well good thing our date tomorrow is the shooting range." He smiles.

"It is?" I question back.

He nods "you should know how to protect yourself Addison, and I'm going to teach you how to shoot a gun."

I semi smile, a bit relieved to know I'll soon know how to properly handle a gun but a bit worried about it "thanks." I return, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

He looks over the gun to make sure it's still locked or whatever and places it back under the mattress. "So I got us some Chinese." He goes back out of the room to get the bag of food.

"You and your Chinese." I roll my eyes, wiping at my nose with my arm.

He chuckles and places it on the bedside table "why don't you tell me what's going on, huh?"

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

He hands over a bag of egg rolls and I open it "well you said you weren't feeling like yourself and then when I come back to see you, you have a gun in your hand and your beautiful eyes are red and puffy." He runs a finger down your cheek "so talk to me."

I sigh, not sure I want to tell him about Charles. He hands over a napkin and crawls into the bed with me, already eating out of a to go container "after you left, Charles came over to me and.." I think of the proper word to say it. All the time Sonny eyes me with wonder sucking up a noodle "and he propositioned me."

"He what?" He asks, a bit hardly not sure what I mean.

"He said he could use somebody like me on his team and then grabbed my ass." I blatantly spill it, wanting him to know why I broke down like this.

"He did what?!" Sonny is standing now, eyeing me with worry and anger.

"He groped my ass." I reiterate.

Sonny shakes his head and goes to grab his phone "Addison, he sexually assaulted you. You need to come to the station and make a statement."

"Sonny, no. Please listen!" I plead with him to stop doing whatever it is he's doing. He gives me a glare and waits to hear what I have to say "I'm not going to press charges against the mayor of the city. Sure, he's a scumbag but one ass grab isn't going to do anything"

He puffs out his chest with air "but I will." He throws his phone down and moves to the door.

"Sonny!" I call to him but he doesn't turn around. He gets out the door and turns to the left. I quickly get to the door and before he can leave my sight I shout out "Dominick Carisi Jr!" He stops and looks at me and I quickly walk to him "please, come back and talk with me. Don't do anything stupid!" I plead.

"He can't do that, Addison." He say again, still angry and with determination.

"Please, he can get you fired in a second." I plead. "Don't say anything to him." I try to talk sense to him. "I told you because I wanted to talk to you, please, let me talk to you."

He exhales slowly and thinks about it. I can still feel how tense he his as my arms are wrapped around his arms "fine, we'll go talk." He pushes a strand of hair away from my face "for now." And we both go back to the room.


	43. Chapter 43: Leaving

"I really think you should go in and make a statement. What he did was assault and he shouldn't get away with it." Sonny tries to convince me to tell Benson about what happened after I went over it again with him.

I shake my head "it won't do anything. He's the friggen Governor Sonny. It'll just stir up something and that's the last thing we need right now."

He pulls me closer into his chest "fine, but we're not staying here tonight. I don't care what the FBI says, they can't make us."

"Where will we go?" I ask him. "I don't want to go back to my apartment." I confide.

"We'll go to mine." He states firmly. "I'm off tomorrow and I'll figure out something for the other days."

"If you're sure?" I say, not wanting to intrude on him.

He nods quickly "I'm sure. Let's get our things and get out of here." He moves to sit up and begins gathering his things.

I also gather mine and after a bit later we are all packed up and bringing our bags out the door. "Where are you going?" An agent asks us as we get to the front door.

"We're not staying here anymore." Sonny insists going over to him to collect his weapons he dropped off every time he walks in.

"No ones been approved to leave, I'm sorry but you can not go." The man tries to stop us.

Sonny argues "we don't need approval to leave. We no longer feel safe staying here." He simply tries to put it. The man tries to argue further and Sonny doesn't let up, starting to get frustrated as he blocks our exit out.

He radios to someone and a few minutes pass before another agent and the mayor come down from upstairs and over to us "has your stay been unpleasant?" Charles asks eyeing us with concern as if he didn't grope me earlier in the day.

I can feel Sonny tense up and I step next to him with my hand on his arm to try and calm him "we just feel like we are over welcoming our stay. We would like to leave and stay at Sonny's."

"We can not provide agents at that location." The agent with Mr. Morales leans over and tells him, loud enough for us to hear.

"We don't need agents, I'll be there, I'm well equipped to protect us." Sonny assures everyone in the room.

"It's best for you to stay here." The agent responds.

Charles holds up his hand "now, we aren't going to force our guests to stay somewhere they don't want to stay. If you do not wish to be under our protection then you may go. Please, do come back if you change yours minds." His eyes go between Sonny and I the whole time he's talking until his last sentence "you are always welcome here Addison. Take care." He smiles his fake mayor smile and leaves the room.

The agent blocking our exit hands Sonny his weapons and moves out of the way. Sonny puts them away and leaves with both our bags in his hands. We get to the street and Sonny walks towards the car he drives here. "So Olivia's not gonna like us just leaving like that. I'm gonna have to go to the station and explain something to her." He bites at his lower lip thinking of a lie to say.

I sigh, not wanting to make things more complicated or messed up for him then I already have "I can come with you and explain. But I'm not pressing charges or making a formal statement about it. Okay?" I make sure he understands that's what I want.

"If you're sure." He responds with a side nod.

"I am." I reiterate, really wishing things could be simpler.

Once we get inside, I walk behind him straight to Olivia's office "Sonny, I thought you were off for the next 24 hours." I hear her address him when he opens the door a crack.

"Can we uhh come in for a bit?" He asks her, opening the door a bit more so she can see me.

"Of course, yes. Come in. Hello Addison, how are you?" She asks with a gentle smile "take a seat.'

"Thank you" I say back walking in. "I am good Lieutenant Benson, how are you?"

She shakes her head "you can call me Olivia now, please. I am doing alright. What are you guys doing here?" She looks at Sonny with confusion across her face.

He coughs lowly and answers her "well, we're not going to be staying at the mayor's anymore, we can't."

I can see her tense up a little but exhale quickly after lowering her shoulders back down "Sonny, we can't just ignore the FBI, as much as I don't like it, they are on the case now."

"It's not that." He stops her from going on.

She waits for him to go on and he then looks at me, letting me know I'm up. "So, Charles Morales kind of groped me earlier today and I just can't be near him." I tell her, feeling self conscious as I say it, looking at the floor like I did something wrong.

"He groped you?" She pushes for further detail.

"He grabbed my ass and propositioned me to work for him." I explain further.

She takes the glasses off of her face and looks at Sonny "why didn't you bring him in for questioning?" She asks him.

"Because I am not pressing charges." I tell her.

"Addison, what he did isn't okay. If you didn't want him to touch you, and he did, that's assault." She explains.

I explain now "but he's the mayor and I'm pretty sure it would take more than one ass grab to take him down, really, it's nothing I can't handle. I just can't stay or be around him, not alone anyways."

"Addison, you're probably not the only girl he's done this too." Olivia then looks to Sonny "the apple may not fall far from the tree." She says to him, referring to Jacob.

Sonny hums out thinking about what she said and elaborates "we could interview his female employee's, check his bank statements."

"Sonny, no. If you start digging around he'll know it's because I told you and you'll lose your job!" I plead with him again.

"Addison, I'm more worried about you and what he did than my job right now." He grabs a hold of my hand.

"But she has a point Carisi, we would need more than just Addison to do anything. Barba wouldn't even go near him with just one person's story." Benson sort of agree's with me but for different reasons. She puts her fingers to her dome and rubs them counter clockwise "Alright, Sonny, I know you don't like it but you're on paid leave until this is sorted out. Stay with Addison and watch your back."

"And Mr. Morales?" He asks, standing up with my hand still in his.

She looks up and replaces her glasses on her head "I'll take care of that. Thank you for coming in and telling me Addison, it was brave of you. I do wish you would make a statement and you know were you can find me if you change your mind. I'll be in touch."

"Thanks." I mumble as we leave her office and head out to Sonny's apartment.


	44. Chapter 44: Range

I wake up in the morning without Sonny next to me. I crawl out of the bed and make my way to the kitchen where he's at the stove and humming along to a jazz song. He must hear me come in and turns his head "morning!"

"Morning, what are you making?" I ask moving further towards him to look.

"French toast and sausage." He says leaning down to kiss me "was gonna bring it into bed to you."

"How sweet." I say moving back to his counter top to sit at the bar stools.

I watch him as he finishes cooking and next time he turns around he's serving me the dish. "You know the last time I cooked for you was the night of our first kiss." He puts the plate in front of me.

I smile at the memory "what was that? Like 2 months ago?" I ask him, beginning to cut up the food.

"2 months tomorrow. When you're done with breakfast, go ahead and get ready for the shooting range. We have a full day ahead of us." He takes a bite off his own plate of food.

"A full day?" I ask, not realizing he had more planned for us.

"I added some things to the agenda. Is that okay?" He questions.

"Of course, I had an appointment with my therapist but I can reschedule." I tell him.

He shakes his head "I remembered your appointment, I scheduled around it. Don't worry."

"You think of everything, don't you?" I smile at him in awe of how amazing he is.

"I try." He cockily smiles. I finish my meal and head to his bathroom to clean up. I make my way to his shower and look around for a towel.

Once out and dressed, I brush my hair into a ponytail and make my way out to find him. "I'm ready!" I exclaim when I see him.

"Alright, I got everything here! Let's go!" He lifts a duffle bag off the floor and we make our way outside. We take the subway to the range and he gets us the far corner spot and starts to unload the guns once we're inside. "Okay, so headphones and googles on at all times!" He yells over to me.

I do my best to listen through the headphones and over the banging off the gunshots. "We'll shoot with my off duty weapon first." He pulls out the gun I've held two times now and lays it flat on the mat. "Whenever you load it, make sure the gun is down, alright?"

"Alright." I return back.

He begins to load the gun and then halfway through he puts something over it "here, load the rest. This will make it easier." He hands it to me and I try to load the bullet. "Like this." He shows me, helping with me one hand. "Now, slide the clip into the gun and make sure it clicks." I pick the gun up with my left and slide the cartridge in. I hear it click and look to Sonny to let him know I got it. "Good, now always keep the safety on until you're ready to shoot. It's right here and all you have to do is switch it over when your ready." I nod again and he explains "show me how you'd hold a gun." He directs.

I move my feet and hands to what feels comfortable to me and look to him over my shoulder "like this?" I ask cautiously.

He smirks "almost. Just move your feet." He helps me adjust to a better standing "and don't lean back as much, you'll see why when you shoot. Now, your hands are fine but make sure you keep your thumb out of the way." He moves my thumb from where it is and bends it from the back of the gun "when you're out of bullets this thing is gonna fly out and it'll break your thumb, hurts like a bitch." He explains.

I give him a knowing look, taking a mental note of everything he's saying and another 5 minutes go by of explanation before he tells me he's ready for me to shoot. He keeps the target 5 feet from us and I look through the gun at the white line I'm suppose to match up with and slowly release the trigger. I do my best to contain the shaking and as the trigger is pulled. It's harder to do then I thought it would be and it kicks back like Sonny said it would. I count out 6 more bullets as I shoot in front of me, something feeling so right, yet so wrong about it. "How'd I do?" I ask, putting the gun down on the mat like he said to do.

"Safety on." He directs and I quickly lock the gun. He moves the target closer and shows me "not bad, your aims a little low. But you hit the target 5 out of 7 times." He shows me all the spots I got. He shows me how to get the clip out and I try to load the gun again. With his help I manage to load it and I try again from 5 feet. The 7 rounds go off and he brings the target closer. "Better! All 7 hit this time. Remember try to line up those white lines and keep your hand steady at the kick, that's why it's getting low."

"Okay." I mutter back, repeating his words in my head. I make sure the safety is on, take the clip out and replace the bullets all on my own. I take aim, he helps adjust my body once more and I shoot the bullets. "I think that was better." I yell to him when it's done, feeling good.

"Let's see." He smiles wide, probably already knowing if it was or not. "Look, you got a chest shot, right there." He points it out. "And here" he points at two more "are pretty close together, good job! Let's try it from 10 feet now." He hits some buttons and the target slides away 10 feet from where we stand. We spend the next 2 hours practicing shooting this one weapon from different distances away, each time building the confidence I have in myself.


	45. Chapter 45: Left

Sonny and I grab an early lunch and afterwards he drops me off at my therapists office "so, I'll pick you up in an hour." He says as we approach the door.

"Where are we going next?" I try to get him to tell me.

He shakes his head "nope, it's a day of surprises. You'll just have to wait and see!" He exclaims happily.

"Fine. I'll see you in an hour!" I lean up on my toes to give him a quick kiss and head into the building.

I quickly change into something nicer then gym clothes I brought with us and meet my therapist at the door "Hello Addison, how are you?" She asks with a smile letting me in.

"Things are a little crazy right now." I tell her openly. We begin to go over everything that's happened the past few days with Charles and moving my stuff to Sonny's.

She writes a few things down but mostly listens "how do you feel staying at Sonny's?" She questions.

I think and shrug "it's only been one night, but I guess I feel fine."

"Fine?" She asks.

I try to elaborate "well, when I went to shower this morning it was a bit weird, not knowing where anything was and having all of his stuff around. At Jason's it was set up more like a hotel, yanno."

"Okay, I see. Do you think you two staying in his apartment together is good for either of you?" She asks next.

I eye her "what do you mean? Why wouldn't it be?"

She sighs, but shares her thoughts "you guys have been dating, what, a few weeks now?"

"2 months." I clarify

She writes that down "right, 2 months, and you've already taken a step forward that most people wait years to do."

"We didn't move in together, it's just temporary." I try to assure her.

"Is it?" She pushes. I leave my mouth a bit opened in shock so she continues what she means "I understand that Jacob is out there right now and you two are under protection, but you've experienced a lot of life changing events this year."

"Yah, because of Jacob and his family!" I spit back to her, not liking saying his name.

She nods, staying calm unlike myself "I understand, but when he is caught again, and you testify about the rape, life will eventually start to feel normal again, life will move forward."

"And whats wrong with that? Normal sounds nice." I ask her, wanting Sonny and I together to be my normal.

"Your normal isn't actually with Sonny, Addison. You're normal is living alone as a school teacher in the city. I'm not saying it has to stay that way but when things calm down again, don't you want to see who you've become?"

"What are you saying?" I push, wanting her to get to her point.

She lowers her pen and pad "I'm saying I don't want you to end up resenting Sonny." I bite my lower lip from spitting something back at her and try to actually absorb what she is saying. "You really like him, that's obvious, but eventually things will move on and I feel if you want it to last with him, you need to still explore yourself without him being a crutch for you."

"Hmmm." I simply hum back, feeling hurt from her words.

She must catch on to what I'm feeling because she says "alright, that's enough for today. Why don't you spend the rest of the session here and I'll excuse myself to my office. Same time Thursday?" She asks as she stands.

I nod and mumble back "sure." She leaves me alone and goes to the room in the back. I stay seated, hands in my lap, thinking about what she said. I only had about 10 minutes left in the session anyway and when it hits 3 o'clock I leave the room and head downstairs to meet Sonny. I hang around for around 10 minutes before pulling out my phone and looking for a message from him. I decide to give him a call but there is no answer. I give it another 15 minutes before trying again. I decide not to leave a message and scroll back up in my contact to call his boss. She answers her usual way and I ask "I know I shouldn't call you but is Sonny there?" I ask her once telling her who it was.

"No, it's his day off. Everything okay?" She asks.

I shake my head, remembering the other night when I called her and he was just busy doing something for work. "It's fine, I'm sure he's just busy. Sorry to bother you."

"Not a bother at all, talk to you later Addison." She tells me before we hang up. I try to call him again but there is still no answer. I give it another 20 minutes of waiting before I decide to make my way to his apartment. I hail a taxi and give the man the address. My emotions range between anger and worry as I try to think about what he's doing that he wouldn't meet me.

When I get to his apartment, I ring up and wait for him to answer. 5 minutes of waiting before someone comes out of his apartment and I get in the door. I head up the elevator and briskly walk to his door. "Sonny!" I call as I knock a bit harshly on the door. "Sonny!?" I call out a bit louder.

I bite my lower lip, not sure what to do now. He told me he would meet me after my therapy session and he didn't. He's not at his appointment or at work. I make the choice to go back downstairs and hail a cab. Once I arrive at the precinct, I make my way upstairs and see Amanda first "Hey, what are you doing here?" She smiles at me coming over "Sonny said he had a whole day date planned for you guys today."

I look around hoping to see Olivia but decide to tell Amanda since she's not in sight "we were, but he never came back to get me after my therapy session. I'm worried." I confide to her.

She pulls me over to her desk and asks quietly "did you call him? Go to his apartment?" She questions. I nod my head to tell her yes and she hum's out. "Hmmm. Well, were you suppose to meet him somewhere, maybe meet up for dinner?" She looks at her watch.

I shake my head "no, he was going to pick me up from the office." I assure her.

"Okay, hold on." She puts a finger up and leaves me standing at her desk, starting to bite my nails. A few moments later she calls me over "Addison, can you come here please?"

I turn to see where she is and I walk to her, familiar with Olivia's office. I walk in and Amanda shuts the door behind me "You can't find Sonny?" She asks.

"He's not as his apartment, he's not answering his phone, he's not here. He was going to pick me up and-" I look down at my phone I've been clutching to see what time it is "and that was 2 hours ago."

She must hear the panic in my voice and tries to calm me "alright, hold on. Don't panic yet. It's Sonny. Let me make a few calls, alright?" She asks, eyeing me to make sure I'm okay and keeping it together.

"Okay." I assure her, taking a seat in a chair.

"Stay with her, please." She directs Amanda who nods and sits next to me. Olivia leaves the room and I do my best to keep my brain from thinking the craziest of thoughts.


	46. Chapter 46: Message

"Alright Addison, officer Thomas here is going to take you to your apartment and stay there with you." Olivia comes in where I've been waiting for an hour.

I look at her dumbfounded "what? Where's Sonny?" I spit, really starting to worry.

She puts her hand up for me to slow down "we're still looking for him, okay? But you should go home and get some rest, i'm sure he's okay."

"If you really believed that then you wouldn't be leaving me at my apartment with an officer!" I argue back.

She exhales and comes over to where I'm sitting "I know this is hard but trust me, we'll find him and it'll be okay." She continues to try and convince me.

Amanda walks in after that and says "uhh, Liv." She gestures behind her with her head and both my eyes and Olivia's look.

Two FBI agents have walked into the precinct and are waiting for the person in charge "whatever!" I stand up, grabbing the gym back and storming out of the room in front of officer Thomas.

Officer Thomas takes me to my apartment and tells me he'd be right outside if I needed anything. I scoff a thank you his way and slam the door to the car as I head for the door. Once to my apartment door. I take a deep breath in and unlock it, not missing being here one bit. Once inside, I drop the gym back at the door and look around. Although things have been cleaned since the attack, it's like frozen in time. My mind puts visions of the same dishes in the sink that night back in there. The blanket now draped behind the couch flashes in front of me back on the floor. I look all around the apartment until I notice something out of place. Next to the fridge on the counter lies a cellphone I've never seen before. I slowly walk over to it, as if it's going to blow up or something if I get close. Once I reach it, I slowly pick it up and unlock it, no code set. I check the apps first, but there aren't any but the ones programmed automatically onto it. I check the text messages with nothing. I click the picture app, and see one video saved. I click open, and my heart stops when I see Sonny tied to a chair, head dropped down and blood on his clothes. Tears instantly stream down my face "Addison, Addison, Addison." Jacobs voice oozes through the speaker. The phone then moves and his face covers the screen "if you stayed away from officer friendly here, he'd be safe as a can be. But now I need to use him to get to you." My hands shake, barely able to keep holding the phone so I place it down on the counter and try to wipe at the tears that just won't stop falling. "I need you to get my father to see me. I don't care what you have to do to get it done, but you have until midnight tonight or your boyfriend will no longer be your boyfriend." His eyes blink consistently while he speaks into the camera, a wicked crazy grin is plastered on his face. "Give the number in the contacts a call and you'll be given the location." I hear him say as he turns the camera back to Sonny and it gets closer to him. "Oh, and if I see one officer, one agent, one sign that you told the police-" He puts the camera just a bit closer to Sonny as he steps behind him "then they'll be scraping his brains off the wall." He pulls sonny's head up by his hair to show me his bruised and swollen face.

"Don't!" Sonny goes to speak but he's hit over the head with something in Jacobs hand.

I yelp with fear, worry and pain. I can't do anything from where I am to help him and my imagination is running wild with the things Jacob is doing to him. The camera then goes off and I'm left standing still, only my own whimpering filling the silence. I somehow shake myself out of the trance and I'm and stumble over to my phone. I find Olivia Benson's number in my phone but before I could hit send, Jacobs words echo through my head that if he even saw a cop he'd kill Sonny instantly. I scroll past her number and find Jason's instead. "Hello?" He answers on the second ring.

"Hi, Jason. I was wondering if you could get me in touch with your father? I feel bad about how I left and wanted to apologize to him." I explain.

"You don't need to apologize to him Addy, I'm sure it's no sweat off his back." Jason replies.

"I know, but I do feel bad and I won't be able to sleep tonight unless I fix it." I lie, knowing I need to get Mr. Morales to the address Jacob left for Sonny's sake.

"Alright, I'll give you his personal work phone." Jason responds and asks "you ready?"

I assure him I am and type it into the phone that I watched the video on. After giving me the number we hang up and I stare down at the 10 digits in front of me. I don't know what Jacob has planned for Charles or what'll happen after, but I know he'll follow through with hurting or killing Sonny if I just sit and do nothing or hand this all over to the SVU unit or FBI. I press the send button and hold my breath as it rings "Charles." He answers after a few rings later.

"Hi Charles, this is Addison Collins." I say to him, trying to sound pleasant.

He coughs momentarily then asks "Addison, hello. How did you get this number?"

"I asked jason for it, I was hoping to talk to you about something." I return.

"Oh. And what is that?" He asks platonically.

I bite my lower lip and utter out "the uhh, the proposition you made me the other day."

I can hear rustling on the other end of the phone as he excuses himself from wherever he is. When he responds, I can hear the cockiness in his tone "so, tired of playing around with boys and ready for a real man?"

"Yes." I return, keeping the bile in my throat from coming out "would you be able to meet me tonight?" I question, knowing I'll need to figure out a way to get away from the officer watching me.

"Let me call you on a better line and we'll nail down the details." He says "talk soon my love." He adds on before hanging up.

I slide both phones on the table and exhale, feeling more nausea's then I've ever felt before.


	47. Chapter 47: Secrets

Charles Morales, the governor of New York is meeting me in 3 hours for a rendezvous. It wasn't easy to get him to come out tonight but with some flirting and promises that I don't intend to keep, I convinced him to meet me. Of course he wanted to go to a swanky hotel under a fake name he's probably used before, but I managed to assure him that where I wanted to go, would put me way more in the mood to do things to him. Gross. I can't find any online maps or photos of the address Jacob gave me but I assume it's a building, somewhere enclosed. I work next on figuring out how I am going to get away from the officer posted outside my complex. I go for a dry run, to see if I can even get to the corner market without him following me. I get downstairs and as soon as I hit the sidewalk, he hops out of the car and walks right along side me "can I help you with something Ms. Collins?"

"I just need to run to the store for something, I'll be right back." I try to assure him with a small smile.

He keeps his pace with mine "I can get you whatever you need, you should really head back to the apartment."

I stop, looking at him like I'm embarrassed "I need tampons." I whisper like it's a secret.

He looks down at his feet then back to me with a small blush on his face "I can uhh, we can get that or I can go with you. But Sargent Benson told me to keep you in your apartment so it would be best if you went back home."

I give him a thankful grin "ok, I need the super kind, Tampex." I turn back around and head to my apartment, needing to come up with a new plan. I stay in the doorway as Officer Thomas makes a phone call, for what I'm assuming is someone to grab me my tampons that I don't actually need.

Within the next 35 minutes, the officer comes upstairs to drop off the tampons I asked for "is there anything else I can get you?" He asks.

I know then what I can do to get away from him "I haven't stayed here in awhile so I don't have like, any food. Would it be okay if I ordered dinner?"

He nods "delivery is fine."

I bite my lower lip "the thing is, I'm allergic to gluten" I lie "and the only gluten free take out doesn't deliver here, so someone would have to pick it up."

He sighs, dropping his head but saying "alright, what's the place?" He takes out a notepad.

I give him a name of a place that I know only does take out and not delivery and then give him a few things I want him to order for myself. "Alright, I'll call it in for you, is there anything else?" He asks one more time.

"That's all, thanks!" I say with a small grin and shut the door. I quickly change into some jeans, sneakers, and a lose tank top. I place the gun from sonny's gym bag in my waistband, making sure the safety was on as he taught me earlier and go to my window. I wait and watch officer Thomas in the car. An hour later, another officer comes to his car with a bag and I know I need to move. I quickly leave my apartment, heading into the stairwell. I walk down the steps and stay hidden behind the door, waiting to hear the familiar sound of the elevator doors opening. Once they do, a button is pushed and I hear the doors close. I then dart out of the stairwell and towards the front door. Once at the door, I look both ways, assuring the officer who brought the food was gone. Once I'm sure he's not around, I turn right out of my building and hurriedly walk a few blocks down where I can catch a cab to my next stop. I give the taxi driver the address I was given and he starts the drive. As I get closer to the address I go to pull out the phone to build some motivation. "Shit." I mumble, realizing now I left it behind. It won't take long for Sonny's unit to go to my apartment and find it, but I'll have enough time to get to Sonny.

The taxi stops in front of a bar "next doors locked up, I'm assuming this is where you want to be?" He asks, tallying up the meter.

"Yes, this is where I wanted to go!" I smile in return, passing forward the money I owe him "thanks!" I call back just before closing the door. He drives away and I walk to the old building, looking around for any information. I don't know what I'd do if I got anything, but I'm hoping it would make me feel better. Next time I look down at my watch, it's 10:48 and Charles is suppose to meet me at 11. I pace the grounds, trying to keep calm about the unsure future. A car pulls onto the street and their lights go off. It pulls up directly in front of the building and Charles Morales comes out "Hello Charles." I say to him, walking closer to his car.

"Is this really where you want to meet? I can get a real nice room at the Hilton, or a suite at the Ritz." He offers, closing the door and wrapping a hand around my waist, pulling me close to him.

"Mmmm, no prying eyes here." I mutter back, willing the vomit to stay down in my throat. He tries to kiss me and I move my head so he gets my neck. He kisses it a few times while I try to urge him inside "come on, there's a room in here." I say and start walking toward the entry way.


	48. Chapter 48: Set-up

"This is an awful unusual place to meet my dear." Charles Morales says as we walk into the old building. Although it's rundown, it's not fallen a part like most abandoned buildings in the city.

I give him a sly grin, keeping his hand in mine so it can't linger over my body "well, I'm an awful unusual girl. You should've asked Jason, he could've told you." I look over my shoulder and wink. I keep walking in, waiting for Jacob to show up and end this disturbing scene.

He laughs an awful devious laugh at my words "you did promise me some fun." He returns, finally pulling me back to him, a bit harshly. "Come on, let's get this started. I don't have all night dear." He whispers into my ear, leaning in to kiss me. He kisses me once, and I just let him, not kissing back but not moving away. His hands run over my sides, one finding it's way to my ass and the other my breast. When I push him away, flashbacks of Jacob filling my head, he gets mad "you playing a game?" He growls at me, his eyes changing, looking an awful lot like Jacob's.

"What-I-no." I argue back "I'm just nervous" I try to lie.

He gets in my face "you promised me a good time. I didn't come here to this dump to play games." He demands.

"I-I-" I try to say back, but he pushes his lips to mine, his hands working at my pants.

Although I have enough fear through me at that moment, a voice echoing off the walls forces straight terror to course through me. It's Jacob "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it father."

I can't pin point where it's coming from, but it's no doubtingly him "you set me up?" He pulls away when he heard him. Before I can answer, he slaps me hard across the face. I step back startled, my hand reaching for my burning cheek. He goes to turn around when Jacob comes out of the dark, closer to where we are "I'll have agents here in moments!" Charles demands, pulling out his cellphone.

"If only your cell phone would work father." Jacob teasingly returns.

"Where's Sonny" I demand to know, trying to sound unafraid.

I can see Jacob turn to me, uninterested with me this time around. He ignores me and focuses back on his father "I've waited a long time to meet you Charles. Dad." He says to him, lingering in the outskirts of the room.

I start to move away from Charles, backing away inch by inch to go find Sonny. Luckily, he's so interested in telling his father everything he's ever wanted to say, that he doesn't notice or care that I'm moving away. A few minutes go by, that feel like hours before I find him. He's tied to the same chair, this time in a corner with the tape over his mouth "Dominick!" I quickly rush over and remove the tape.

His heavy head slowly lifts and he pants out "you have to get out of here."

"It's alright, I'll get you out." I assure him, moving to untie the ropes. Although his hands are tied with rope, I notice that his feet are chained to the floor.

"Listen to me, he's not leaving here. None of us are. He's going to blow this place up. You have to leave." His words flood out of his mouth quickly.

"What?!" I squeal, not believing what he's saying "no-no, he told me you'd be fine. I did what he asked."

"I know, I know. But you need to leave." He returns.

"Not without you!" I yell back.

"Shh!" He encourages me to be quiet.

But it's too late, and Jacob now heard me "oh, have you heard the news darling?"

"Why?"I ask, turning around and slowly walking towards him again.

"Addison, no!" Sonny yells at me, seeing me pull at the gun in my waistband. He whispers "give it to me, I can get him." I stop, freezing where I am. I try to think about what I want to do. Part of me wants to be the one to take Jacob out, revenge for all he did to me. But the other part doesn't know how i'd feel after, if it's something I could actually live with. Jacob continues to go over his genius plan to me and his father, showing us how smart he is. All the while, I decide to give Sonny the gun, his hands untied now. He whispers to me "get him closer."

"You said you'd let Sonny go if I got him here, you lied." I spit to him, wanting him to engage with me.

He laughs "I raped and killed Addison, you didn't think I would lie?" He asks rhetorically.

I try to cover the anger that pulses through me, referring to my rape as if it was nothing to him. "Please, let us go. You have what you want." I plead with him.

He shakes his head, slowly coming closer "I'll never have what I want. This man, he'll never admit to me, never admit to all he's done. You've seen him, here tonight. We're more a like then anyone knows!" Jacob's voice is curt with years of pent up rage "surprise, surprise- I'm not a product of an affair, I'm a product of a rape!" He spits, standing directly next to Charles now, closer to me, closer to Sonny.

"Don't tell lies." Charles spits back to him. =

This sets Jacob off "my mother killed herself when I was in prison! She left it all in her will. The secret that ruined her. You're the reason she is dead, not me!" He moves to charge at Charles. The gun shot goes off right beside me and I scream with fear and shock. I lean down to cover myself, in case Sonny shoots off more, but the one bullet is all he needed to take him down.

"Get, get the key!" Sonny directs me when I slowly start to stand, seeing the pooling blood inch closer to me.

Charles stands there, shaken up, but doesn't move. I inch closer to the body, wanting to release Sonny but nervous to get too close. As I lean down to find the key, Jacob grabs a hold of my arm, pulling me down and close to his face. I squeal with freight but he whispers to me "don't let him get away with it."

His eyes slowly close, and his grip loosens enough for me to get out of. As he takes his last breath, I grab the key from in his pocket and hurriedly give it to Sonny. He wraps me into a hug before even unchaining his feet, and tries to sooth me "it's alright Addison. It's over." He says over and over again as my tears soil his sweaty, blood stained shirt.


	49. Chapter 49: Over

"NYPD!" Someone shouts into the old air.

Sonny keeps his arms wrapped around me as I cry into his chest but yells back "in here, we're unarmed! Detective Carisi of Manhattans SVU."

Bodies begin to pile into the room were all standing in and it takes only a moment before I realize Mr. Morales is being swept away from their scene, before he can be caught being involved. "No. stop!" I try to push myself away from Sonny, to tell them he can't just leave.

"Let him go Addison." Sonny holds on to me.

"But he's-" I try to explain.

"He's the governor." He reminds me.

I sigh, returning myself next to him with defeat. I wrap my arms around him tightly. "Sonny, what the hell happened to you?" I hear Amanda Rollins voice before I see her.

She rushes over to where we are standing, eyeing him with caution. Olivia quickly behind her. "Sarge, how'd you get here so fast?" He asks.

She eyes me then looks back to him "someone let the phone behind with all the information on it." I avert my eyes from her "what happened here?" She looks down at Jacob's body.

Sonny responds "you're gonna want to call the bomb squad. I shot him, my weapons down by that chair." He directs her.

"Self defense" Finn asks.

Sonny nods "he was going to blow us all up, I didn't have a choice."

Olivia stops him from going on "okay, stop talking right now. You know you have to go through IAB."

My tears finally stop falling but I can't seem to let Sonny go. "Alright. Sure, let me take her downstairs first?" He asks his boss.

"Stay down there while you're at it. Take a ride to the hospital, you look terrible." Olivia returns to him.

Sonny retorts "I'm fine."

"You can't see what we see. Go to the hospital." Olivia directs again "I'll follow you guys and take everyone's statements." Sonny nods, starting to walk me out of the building. As we go to pass her and the rest of his team, she adds on "we're glad you're okay."

Once outside, we walk to a waiting ambulance. They go to check him out first but he tries to push me forward "I'm alright, check her."

"Sonny, I'm fine." I try to assure him, still holding onto his shirt, afraid to let him go.

He pulls me just enough of away from his chest to look at me "hey, we're both gonna go to the hospital, okay? I'll wait here while they check you out first, then you can wait for me. Alright? I'm not going anywhere."

"Sir, we'd really like to get you looked at" an EMT interrupts us.

He semi rolls his eyes, nods to the man, then turns his attention back to me "same thing, but I'll go first." He waits for me to nod, and I do. I release my grip on his shirt and he moves to take a seat on the edge of the ambulance. They begin to take his temperature, check his wounds and wipe at all the blood. The bruises on his face become more defined as the old dried blood is washed away. I find it hard to look at him and avert my eyes to his hands, watching at the EMT takes things on and off his fingers and arms. "Hey, hey. Addison, you with me?" His voice brings me back from whatever reality I escaped to.

"What? Yea, ok." I mutter back.

"Okay, what?" Sonny asks "it just took me 2 minutes to get your out of that trance, are you okay?" He asks carefully.

I nod, swallowing hard "I'm fine. I just- a lot has happened." I try to put it simply, really not knowing what I'm feeling or thinking.

"alright, just take a seat. We'll get going soon." He goes to switch spots with me.

I allow the EMT to look me over, finding nothing physically that wrong with me. They tell Sonny to stay inside the van, needing to take him in for observation. He informs them, that I will be riding along and they don't argue. Before we head off, Olivia comes out "We'll meet you at the hospital. Remember, don't say anything till you you're district rep."

"Got it Sarge." Sonny returns to her, offering her a two fingered wave off his forehead. She closes the doors on us and the ambulance takes off. The EMT riding in the back with us starts to work on him, checking numbers and wrapping wounds. Sonny keeps his hand wrapped with mine. "Sonny, how much trouble will I be in?" I decide to ask him, my stomach knotting inside of me.

"What? You won't be in trouble." He returns, his eyes clearly showing confusion.

I shake my head "I tricked the governor to come out and meet me. I sneaked away from the protective detail and I was carrying your gun around." I explain all my crimes.

He tries to sit up a bit from the bed he's lying on. The EMT shakes his head "no, you need to stay put."

Sonny goes back down, rubbing his thumb over my hand "with what the governor was trying to get you to do, and what Jacob claimed he did, he's not coming out to anyone that he was there. Also, I shot Jacob, with my own registered weapon, there's nothing to worry about that." He keeps his voice low and calm, in turn, allowing me to sort of calm myself. "And there's nothing to worry about sneaking away from protective detail. You might've hurt a few ego's, but there's nothing bad about it. Alright? You didn't do anything wrong."

"Alright." I shake my head rapidly "and I'm sorry, I know you were going to say not to come but I just couldn't let you die on account of me. I mean, if you didn't catch my case and everything between us then you never would've been kidnapped and beaten and-"

"Addison" He pulls me from my rambling "I don't regret a thing. Okay? I want to be with you." I nod my head again, this time not as rapidly, trying to truly believe what he is saying to me.


	50. Chapter 50: Happiness

I calm down enough to leave Sonny's side and wait in the waiting room for him. I get a cup of coffee and keep my focus on the Styrofoam cup when Olivia and the rest of his team walk into the room. My nerves creep back into me and I worry about what she's going to say as she walks over. Instead of saying something first, I let her address me "Maddison, we just want to thank you for what you did."

"What?" I ask, dumbfounded at her words.

Amanda returns "I mean, you probably should've came to us with the phone message, but we would've done the same thing, under the circumstances." Her voice is low, so the other officers and people in the room don't hear our conversation.

"Oh, okay. Well, you don't have to thank me. Sonny's in here because of me." I shrug back.

Finn answers from the back "naw, he ain't." I go to explain further but he doesn't let me get more than a sound out "he likes you a lot Maddison, everyone can see that. You didn't do this, Jacob did." He asserts what he means.

I nod, still not believing what they are saying "ya, alright." I try to change the topic "the EMT's said everything looked okay, but they are doing some scans to see if there is any internal bleeding."

"Se we'll be here awhile." Amanda adds on, taking a seat next to me.

"Do you uh, want to take my statement?" I ask Olivia, being a bit familiar with how things in her department work.

She takes the other seat next to me and Finn next to her and shakes her head "not now, for now, we're just gonna wait for word on our friend in there." She pats her hand on my knee.

I nod my head to thank her, not ready to go through it all so soon again. Amanda, Olivia, and Finn try to keep my mind off things with a deck of cards the hospital had lying around. We play a few games together and in the middle of my war game with Amanda, the doctor comes out. We all stand, and she comes over to Olivia first "Hi Olivia. He's going to be okay, there is no internal bleeding. We're keeping him overnight for observation, we do believe he has a concussion. He's asking to see you all." She smiles, stepping aside to let them all through.

I stay behind, figuring she meant all as in his team. The three of them move forward towards the two doors towards the patient rooms. Finn stops "you comin'?" He asks.

I nod, and stumble forward towards them to follow them in. As I walk into the room I hear Sonny already greeting everyone "Hey Sarge. Thanks for coming."

"Of course Carisi." She returns.

"Hey Manda, Finn." He gives a curt head nod.

"Hey" the two of them recite back together.

I stay in the back of the room, not sure where my place is right now. Sonny stirs just a little in his bed and see's me "Addison, c'mere." He tells me.

Although I can tell everyone is waiting on me to move forward to him, I feel myself frozen in place. When I can actually see the three detectives looking at me is when I actually move. I go over next to his bed and he grabs my hand, rubbing his thumb over it again like he did in the ambulance hours ago. "Guys, I have something important I want to say." He gets out, his eyes glistening as he is looking at me. After everything we've just been through tonight, I can't help but melt as he looks at me, his beautiful smile, sandy blonde hair and crystal blue eyes make me want to fall to my knee's. I wrap my other hand around our already intertwined fingers, needing some more stability. He continues on "I didn't think I was gonna make it out tonight."

I ask him, forgetting about the others in the room "you didn't think I'd come?"

He chuckles "I knew you'd come, and I was scared he'd kill you along with me." He informs me, then going back to what he was saying "When he told me his plan, to blow the building up once his father came, everything flashed before me. I wasn't gonna be a lawyer, I wasn't gonna be an uncle, I wouldn't be a husband. Those hours tied to that chair really showed me what I want in my life and what I want is you." His eyes are back on mine. Although I was listening entirely to what he was saying, his last word caught me off guard.

"You have me." I whisper back, everyone else melting away.

He shakes his head a bit but smiles "I want you to marry me."

"Wh-what?" I utter back, not even sure I heard him correctly.

His smile somehow grows even wider and he sits up further in his bed "marry me."

"Sonny" I whisper his name. Of course I'd say yes to him, but is that really what he wants? To marry someone as damaged as I am. Maybe if we met before my rape, maybe if things were different I'd understand, but now?

As if he's reading my mind, he says to me "look, I asked them to come in here because I'd knew you'd be skeptical about yourself. But Addison, I don't see you as a victim, I see you as the most beautiful, fun, engaging women in the world and I want you to ask them if you don't believe me."

I shake my head "no, no. That's okay." I look away from him now and at my hands, fully aware of everyone in the room again.

"No, really. Amanda." I can see him look to her.

She sighs and tells me "it's true Addison, he absolutely adores you. It's all we can do to get him to shut up at work about you. No offense." She adds on. I'm looking at her now, and I give her a polite smile.

Finn adds on "I mean, it's not everyday you're told you're gonna get blown up. That really does make you put things into perspective, and we've all known for awhile you've got him smitten."

"See?" Sonny rhetorically adds on. "I don't want there to be a doubt in your mind about how much you mean to me. Addison, I love you. Marry me."

He puts it this time as more of a statement then a question. I feel myself lighten the bite I had on my lower lip and begin to nod my head "okay, I'll marry you Sonny." I some how choke out over the wave of emotion that rushed over leans a bit forward and I lean down towards him to meet his kiss. My one hand rests on his side and the other reaches around his neck. His hand finds the side of my face and it's nothing like I've ever felt before. This kiss is full of passion and love. It's one that's telling me I have a future with him, one I've never thought I'd get to have.

It's one that's telling me I have a future with him, one I've never thought I'd get to have

Eventually, the sound of clapping in the room separates our lips but not our hands. We both look to his team as they smile back at us, finally stopping their clapping "congratulations you too" Olivia says first, a large grin on her face.

"I'm happy for you Sonny, congrats!" Amanda adds on.

"Come on you guys, let's give them some time to themselves." Finn puts one arm on Amanda's shoulder.

"Wait, don't you need my statement?" Sonny calls to Olivia before she exits the room last.

She shakes her head, turning over her shoulder to look at him "we'll get it in the morning. See you later." She shuts the door behind her and we are left alone.


	51. Chapter 51: Love

The next few days are all a blur. Sonny is on temporary leave to heal and cleared for returning. I go to my own therapists, whose just as surprised about Sonny's engagement as I was. Although she did seem happy for us, she also wanted to make sure that this wasn't moving too fast for me. I was relived when she said that, thinking the same thing at times. I go over to Sonny's after my appointment for dinner. He has the table set, candles lit and jazz music playing in the background "hey doll." He smiles and leans in to kiss me when he opens the door.

"Hey" I say back, trying to hide my nervous face.

But he knows me well enough and asks "what's wrong?" moving over so I can come inside.

"nothing's wrong." I try to lie to him, not wanting to ruin the night he had planned.

"Addison, come on. You can tell me anything." He pushes, in his nice guy way. His blue eyes pleading with me to open up to him.

I sigh, hoping everything will be okay when I say this "Sonny, why do you like me?"

He gently rolls his eyes in a playful manner but also takes my hand, pulling me further into his apartment to sit down on his couch. He sits next to me, facing me with one leg up on the couch. He slowly starts off "well, I like you because you're kind, gentle, brave, adorable, sweet." I nod, wishing I could believe he truly felt that way. "But I love you because the way you look at me, the way you respect me, the way you make me feel when I'm with you. I love you because you're the strongest women I know, I love that you tell me how you feel, that you talk with me and not to me." My breath is caught in my lungs and I can't help but let the tears slowly fall down my face "I love that, although you don't need me to be, I get to be the man by your side, that you trust me to take care of you. I love how my heart skips a beat when I see you. I love that I know you're my soul mate, and I am so blessed to have found you." He adjusts where he is sitting and moves to get something out of his pocket. "I was gonna wait till after dinner to tell you this but.." He moves off the couch and onto the floor on one knee "Addison Collins. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me?"

Those 3 words together in that sequence, confirms to me what I was trying to push away from. He loves me, and I do of course love him too. I nod my head, accepting the beautiful ring and allowing more tears to spill down my face "yes" I finally choke out as he pulls the ring out of the box to slip onto my finger.

He stands, scooping me up off the couch and into a hug, my feet barely touching the ground. "I love you." He says into my ear, his own voice cracking.

"I love you, too." I say back, the words never sounding so right before. He moves away from my shoulder and his lips find mine. It's a passionate kiss, one I never want to stop. My hands reach for his tie, and I pull away to get at it better.

Our heads stay close and his hands move to his tie to help me get it off. I work at the buttons on his shirt and slide the sleeves off quickly, rubbing my hands over his arms and placing my lips against his again. He lifts me off the ground and I wrap my legs around him and he walks us to his bedroom. He places me down on the bed and I crawl backwards towards the pillows, slowly pulling up my shirt to take it off. Sonny lies down on top of me once it's off and we continue to kiss, our hands exploring the open skin. I can feel myself needing him, a desire I haven't had since before my attack. My hands finally make their way to his belt loop and we work at it together to get them off. Both our breathing is heavy, our mouths exploring one another's upper bodies. As he kisses my clavicle, I move my hands to my pants, zipping them down and starting to wiggle them off. Sonny catches on to what I'm doing and he leans off of me to help finish getting them off. "Are you sure about this?" He asks, his fingers moving across the top of my underwear.

"I'm sure" I whisper back, my nerves starting to cause my body to shake.

"You're beautiful." He says once we're both naked, his eyes on my face, his hands holding my waist. "I love you." He whispers again, his lips coming back down to mine.

I wrap my legs around him, the feeling of his hard member against my body even further feeding my desire for him. Minutes go by and I know he's just as ready as I am. I unwrap my legs and look into his eyes "I love you" I say to him.

He grabs a condom from the nightstand and after putting it on he puts himself at my entrance "are you sure?" He asks me.

I nod and assure him "yes, just go slow?" I request.

He nods to me in return and slowly pushes himself inside of me. I gasp a little at the sensation. A plethora of emotions courses through me. Shame, happiness, sadness, desire, fear and arousal. Once fully in, he stays frozen on top of me. "Are you okay?" He whispers, a hand coming to rest on my cheek. I can feel the sting of tears wanting to form but I keep them back by staring into my fiancées eyes. I tell myself how much he loves me, I repeat what he said to me earlier on the couch when he got down on his knee and I tell myself this is what two people do when they love each other. "Addison, we can stop." Sonny pulls my attention back and I feel him slightly go to move and pull out of me.

"No." I quickly get out, not wanting him to leave me, not wanting this to end "I'm alright, go ahead."

He nods and slowly starts to push and pull his member in and out of me. His lips return to my mouth, then to my earlobe, my clavicle. His hand caress my breasts. My eyes stay open though, afraid that if I close them I'll see the face of the man who ruined me. Sonny continues to push inside of me and I can tell how close he is to finishing as his breath becomes more labored. He moves his hand to my center and starts to rub me, wanting to help me go. Although it helps me feel good, I know I'm too stuck in thinking about the past to let myself enjoy it enough to orgasm. Sonny eventually lets go, and I can feel the sperm warm through the condom inside of me. He leans his head down on my shoulder and rolls to the side off of me. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it anymore." After throwing it away in the trash can near his bed he leans back over to me, kissing my cheek "let me help you." He puts his hand back to my middle and goes to rub me again.

"It's alright." I wriggle a little from his touch. He pulls away and looks to me with concern, so I elaborate "I uhh, I don't think I'll be able to go." I look away from his stare, embarrassed "sorry."

He pulls my face back to see him and says "don't be sorry, it's alright." His voice is in a whisper, but it's gentle.

"I uhh, I wanted to but I just wasn't really all there. I'm sorry." I say again, feeling guilty about it.

He sits up, his gentle voice now changing "Addison, why didn't you tell me. We didn't have to do this."

I know he now feels guilty so I quickly tell him "no! I wanted to, I promise. Everything was okay, I just.. it might take some time for me to enjoy it again." I try to explain.

He pulls me into his arms and cuddles me while telling me "we don't have to do anything until you're ready."

I nod with my head against his chest "I'm a lucky girl."

"And I'm a lucky guy." He returns to me, pulling me closer into him.


	52. Chapter 52: Suspended

"Morning!" Sonny kisses me on the forehead to stir me awake a week later. I've stayed with him at his apartment every night since the night he gave me the ring. We haven't had sex again since, and he hasn't pushed me towards it either, understanding would be an understatement to describe his personality.

"Uhh." I roll over, pulling the blanket over my head "what time is it?"

"6 a.m. Guess whose going back to work today?" He beams loudly.

I lower the blanket from my face to meet his eyes and he's got a mile long grin "that was quick, I thought you had another week?" I ask him, a bit sad I won't be able to spend the entire day with him anymore.

He sits down on the edge of the bed, working at putting his shoes on "well, 2 weeks was enough to put our whole squad on back log. Benson needs me back." He leans back up from bending over, turning his head to see me "I made breakfast, come on!"

I get out of bed and meet him in the kitchen. He has a plate of pancakes all set out on the table and everything ready for us to eat "this is nice." I say to him, taking a seat. After our enjoyable breakfast, Sonny brings the dishes to the sink but I stop him from cleaning "please, let me get that?" I ask, standing to meet him at the sink.

"It's alright, I was just going to rinse em." He says back, washing a plate.

You shake your head "let me clean since you cooked."

He drops the plate carefully into the sink and leans into your forehead "only because I'm running late!" He plants a kiss on your forehead and a smile stretches onto both your faces.

"What if I make dinner tonight?" I ask him as he heads over to his front door, grabbing his jacket "you can come over after work?"

"Why don't you just cook here? I've got everything you need." He says nonchalantly.

I roll my neck and say "I could, but I'm running low on clothes. I should really go home and do some laundry, get some things. It's been like, a week."

"So, why don't you just go home and grab somethings then come back. I have my own washer, dryer here." He offers, pausing at the door to talk to me.

"Sonny." I sigh his name, smirking.

He just puts his hands up as to not argue but fishes something out of his pocket "here, I got this for you." He places a key down on the table next to the door and waves "see you tonight!"

After he leaves, I walk to the door and lock it behind him. He's left me alone in his apartment before. To pick up takeout, run to the market, but it wasn't for the entire day, and there wasn't a key involved so i could come and go as I please. I slide the key onto my own key ring and put it back in my purse, deciding to crawl back into bed and sleep on everything that just happened. I decide to go to my apartment and grab some additional things to bring to Sonny's. When I get back to his place awhile after lunch I am shocked to see Sonny back at his apartment "what are you doing here?" I ask, walking in with two bags.

"Friggen Charles." He mutters, picking up a beer and sipping from it.

"What?" I ask, dumbfounded.

He looks bewildered but explains "he managed to get me suspended until I meet with IAB at the end of the week."

"What? Why? Why would he do that?" I ask, coming further into the apartment to talk to him.

He shakes his head "maybe he's trying to get pay back? I don't know. Luckily Benson managed to pull it off so I can get paid for the time off."

"Pay back for what?" I ask, never fully listening to the second part of his statement.

He shrugs again "I don't know, you brought him there, maybe he's getting payback for that." He utters.

My mouth hangs open, a bit offended. It's not just what he said, but how he said it. Like I purposefully brought him there to ruin his career "Sonny- I"

Before I could finish uttering my sentence, Sonny's face is registering what he just said and he's walking towards me "Addison, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that." He gets out before reaching me. I place the two bags down on a chair and move towards the living room "Addison, really, that came out wrong." He follows me there. I exhale and sit down, not sure what to say back to him. He stands in front of me "I just meant he's trying to pull rank, showing you what he can do for payback for setting him up."

I nod, wishing it wasn't true but knowing it is "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Please?" He asks, dropping down to his knees to meet my eyes "I didn't mean it how I said it. You didn't do anything wrong." I nod, telling him I understand what he's saying and trying to move past it "don't worry, it's all going to be okay." He rubs his hand through my hair and I meet his eyes.

I see it then that he truly believes it will be okay and I nod to agree "well, since you're here, what do you want for dinner?"

He runs his hand across the back of his neck and answers "my mom called me, was hoping to come by tonight. She's going to the theatre with a friend."

"Oh, that's fine! I can eat at home." I nod quickly back at him.

He laughs quietly "I don't want you to eat at home. We'll all eat here together. That way we can tell her about the engagement."

"Engagement." I repeat the word "sounds so weird."

"But it feels so right." He says back, leaning up to give me a kiss. I kiss him back for a few moments but he pulls away and asks "so, the three of us will eat here?"

I nod to agree, my stomach starting to knot at the idea of telling his mother that her son is engaged!


	53. Chapter 53: Telling

Sonny and I work in the kitchen together to make a chicken and pasta dish for his mother. She's coming over around 5 to have dinner before the show at 7. After he puts the food in the oven for the final touches, I head to his bedroom to change. I throw on a black pencil skirt and a floral blouse before touching up my mascara and heading to my duffle for one last thing "is this okay?" I ask him once I walk out, looking up to him for his approval.

"It's perfect, as usual." He compliments me, walking over from the kitchen to give me a hug. He pauses before he can lean in, spotting the cross necklace sitting on my chest and he smiles "you held on to this." He fingers it, the touch of his hand against my skin sending chills through to my toes.

I blush and answer "of course I did, it was the first thing you gave me."

He smiles, replacing the necklace back down on my chest and leans in to hug "actually, my old academy shirt was the first thing I gave you." He lightly teases.

"Well, that's good to know. I always thought it was just borrowed." I confess to him.

He leans over to give me a kiss but it's all too quickly interrupted with a knock on the door. When he pulls away my eyes go directly to the door but I feel his still on me "don't worry so much, it's going to be fine." He gives my arm once last reassuring squeeze and moves to open the door.

As he moves I follow behind him, adjusting the engagement ring resting on my left ring finger and moving it to my right hand. He opens the door and his mother smiles wide when she sees her son "Hi darling!" She exclaims happily, quickly leaning in to hug him.

"Hi mom!" He says back "it's good to see you!" He says.

She's quickly pushing him aside though and coming further in towards me "Addison! Hello! It's such a pleasure to see you!" Her smile is wide and she embraces me tightly into a hug.

"Hi Mrs. Carisi, it's so good to see you too!" I tell her back, hugging her in return.

She pulls away after a moment and says "please, call me Donna! I didn't know you'd be here tonight! What a pleasure." She comments, turning to her son "why didn't you tell me?" She's keeps the grin on her face.

He laughs "because I like to see your face when you're surprised."

"Devious boy" she waves a finger at him before starting to shrug off her coat. "It smells delicious in here, what did you make?" She asks, moving towards the kitchen.

"Cajun chicken pasta." He tells her.

She takes a big smell and smiles again "smells or perfection. Why don't we take a seat and catch up Addison." She suggests.

"I would love to," I say then pause for a moment looking at Sonny "let me just finish setting up the table and I'll be right over. Can I get you something to drink?" I ask her, starting to move to the kitchen.

"Oh, nonsense. Sonny can get everything. It's his home to host." She assures me, grabbing my arm lightly to pull me towards the couch "isn't that right dear?" She calls over her shoulder.

"Yes, mom." Sonny answers back with his own grin.

"Alright, if you're sure you don't need help?" I ask him as I walk with her.

"I'm sure! Go chat, dinner will be served shortly." He nods and turns away.

We sit on the couch next to each other and Donna smiles and asks "so, what have you been so busy doing here in the city that I haven't seen you since the baptism?"

The question throws me off, mostly because I don't know how to answer it. I don't really have an excuse for not going over to see his family again except for being wrapped up in my own life. "Actually, I've just been trying to move things forward with my life after everything that happened." I confess honestly to her, not feeling the desire to lie to my future mother in law.

Her happy mood changes momentarily when she responds and says "that's very good, you need to take care of yourself first before anything else. I keep telling Dominick that, to take care of himself. Especially after his injury earlier in the month." She says.

I look over my shoulder to see if he's listening, to give me any hint on what she may know about his injuries and how much I was involved in that "I hope he's taking your advice." I say back, biting my tongue from saying anything further.

She smiles again when she answers me "I like to believe he is, he's still with you." I give her a little side glare as to say I don't follow when she leans in a bit and confides "I told him to keep you around. You're good for him."

I blush at her words and Sonny calls to us "dinner is served ladies!"

Donna moves to stand up but I grab her arm this time and say lowly back to her "well, he's good for me too."

She gives me a nod in happy agreement and the two of us make our way to the table to join Sonny. Once seated, Donna places her napkin on her lap and states "this looks wonderful. Would you like to say the prayer tonight Addison?"

I go to open my mouth but Sonny quickly chimes in "I'll say it ma, it's my apartment" He smiles gently to his mom who smiles back happily. Sonny says the dinner prayer and his mother and I site Amen at the end

As dinner starts to end, I can tell Sonny is starting to adjust the conversation over to him and I again. He starts asking his mom questions about her wedding to his father and getting her emotional while telling the story. She laughs and smacks him across the arm after going into details about the way Mr. Carisi proposed "I just hope when you propose to a girl you do better than he did" She says through her laughter.

Sonny uses that and asks me with a large grin "I don't know, did I do better then that?"

His mothers mouth gapes open as she looks at me. My face is a shade of red. Partially from embarrassment and partially from annoyance on him putting the spotlight directly on me. I swallow the frog in my throat and say back "it was definitely unexpected." I say to her, remembering when Sonny asked me to marry him in front of his work family, while laying in the hospital bed.

"What?" She simply spits out, looking back to her son.

Sonny stands up to walk over to me as I continue to look at Donna wondering if that is a scowl or a smile she's trying to hide. "Addison and I are engaged." He confirms, putting a hand on my shoulder and standing behind me. I look up to him over my shoulder and he looks down to me. His blue eyes glistening down to me, confirming all the more how happy I am we are engaged.

We're torn away from our stares when his mom stands up to congratulate us "well, what a beautiful thing darling! I'm so happy for you!" She opens her arms to hug Sonny.

"Really, ma? You're not upset or nothin'?" He asks her, leaning down to embrace her back.

"Why would I be upset?" She asks. She then moves to give me a hug and I move to return the gesture. "So happy to have you join our family!" She says into my ear.

"I dunno, just thought you'd be concerned or something." He tells her now.

"What? Why? You knock her up or something?" Her eyes change, glaring at him "cause one kid havin' a baby outta wedlock was enough!" She gives the sign of the cross and looks up to the sky for a second.

Sonny chuckles "no ma," his eyes roll "we're in love, that's why."

"Then I'm thrilled!" She opens her arms one more to time for another hug.


	54. Chapter 54: Jobs

"That went better then I expected." I say to Sonny after we shut the door and his mom left. She stayed for another 30 minuets, wanting all the details on wedding planning. Sonny and I just smiled most of the time, knowing the planning is still to come.

Just then, his phone rings and he moves to his jacket to check it. He holds it up for me to see and chuckles "Gina. My mom already called my sisters." He shakes his head, silencing the phone and putting it back in the jacket.

"What if Olivia calls?" I ask as he comes back over to me.

He shrugs, pulling me into his arms "I'm suspended, remember?"

I duck my head into his shoulder and mumble "mmhmm, sorry bout that." He pulls me away to give me a stern look and I know exactly what he wants to say. I correct my earlier apology "fine, I'm sorry for being sorry."

He shakes his head just a little but accepts it, allowing me to tuck my head back into his shoulder. "So, what should we do for the rest of the evening my love?" He questions, starting to rock and sway with me as we hug.

The next few days Sonny spoils me with trips to places in New York I've never been. He takes me to the zoo, Madison square garden and the Statue of Liberty. On Thursday he gets a call from Olivia letting him know what time his interview with IAB is. "So, they're going to ask you questions about that night?" I ask him as we walk hand in hand to his apartment.

He answers "yes, and maybe somethings about you and I." I squeeze his hand at his words and he catches on to it instantly "I won't over share anything with them, but if they want to know when we started dating and everything I don't want to lie."

"No, I totally understand. That's fine. Just sucks you have to go through this." I return back to him.

He looks over to me and smiles "yes but once I start working again we can start planning our wedding. I was thinking maybe New Years Eve?" His eyes sparkle with anticipation and wonder.

"New Years? That's only like 7 months away!" I try to quickly count out in my head.

His smile stays plastered onto his face "I know but I just can't wait very much longer to make you my wife. And who doesn't love a good wedding on New Years?" He rhetorically asks me.

"Hmmm" I say loudly, letting him know it's not officially okayed yet "I'll think about it!"

"Awesome!" He returns with a wide grin.

While Sonny heads off to IAB I decide it's time I get looking for a job. I'm quickly losing my savings as I pay for an apartment I'm rarely at. And the idea of planning a wedding on one income has got me anxious. I circle a few things in the local paper, look online for postings and schedule 3 interviews. After the first one went horrible, I was feeling down heading into the second interview. I walk into the building, head up to the third floor and wait to be called in. A women, no older than I am comes out of a back room and introduces herself "Hi, you must be Addison. I'm Lori, it's nice to meet you." She puts her hand out and I shake it "come on back and we'll start the interview." I follow her to another room, and at across from her at a desk "why don't you start off by telling me why you'd like to work for us?" She smiles, holding a pen to a piece of paper.

I exhale slowly then start to go over my reasons "Well, I was previously a teacher for a few years and I taught 2nd grade. I've always enjoyed workin with kids and I think I'd be really good tutoring at risk kids."

"Do you have experience with kids who are at risk?" She follows up.

I nod my head "I've had quiet a few kids in my classes at risk, yes."

She writes it down then follows up with "Why do you think you'd be good at this job?"

I push my lips together, wondering how to word what it is I want to say. I slowly start to respond "well, I've recently went through a pretty devastating event and am I continuing to come out of it pretty strongly. I know adults, and kids, won't be able to forget what happened but we can work on ourselves and be open about things to continue to live our best lives."

She smirks and nods at me, not writing anything I said down. She puts her pen down and asks "so, does this event your talking about have to do with why you left teaching?"

I'm a little taken a back at her question, but answer it anyway "Well, the event was separate. But I felt I could do something more then just teach afterwards. I really want to help people who've gone through something hard."

She nods while I talk, picking her pen back up to write something down. She then looks back to me and asks "do you have any questions for me?"

I bite the inside of my lip but manage to come up with a question rather quickly "how many kids does one usually work with?"

She answers without missing a beat "it depends, we have some as little as 2 and some as large as 8. We don't usually go higher then that though. We really try to make sure each kids gets enough time with their tutor."

Ok. Great." I respond. She waits me to ask more and I just say back "that's all my questions for now."

"Great. Well I'll need to check your references but I will be able to give you a call back by tomorrow either way." She tells me, then moving her chair back to stand up "it was great meeting you Addison." She puts her hand back out.

"It was great to meet you too. Thank you so much." I smile, shake her hand and leave the room. Once I get outside and really exhale for the first time since walking in. I go to one more interview then head Bad to Sonny's. I'm there before he is and start to make dinner for us with whatever he has in the kitchen. My cell rings and I pick it up with a "hello?"

"Hi, Addison Collins please?" I'm asked.

"This is her." I assure the person on the other line.

"Good evening, this is Lori. I wanted to contact you in regards to the position you interviewed for today." She says over the phone.

I put the bowl of pasta down that I'm mixing and give her my full attention "yes, yes. Please."

"After some discussion with my colleague we have decided that we can not offer you the position you've applied for." The hit is a blow to my gut and I'm overwhelmingly sad. Before I could say anything back though, she continues "but I was very moved with your interview and would like to offer you a different position."

"A different position?" I ask back, wondering what she means.

"Well, I'd like to offer you a sort of assistant position. One to help you learn more about the work we do." She explains a bit further.

The door opens to the apartment and my mind runs with something to say. I manage to sputter out "oh, wow. Okay. That's great. Is there uhh, can I think about it, get back to you?" I ask.

Sonny walks over to me with inquisitive eyes and kisses me on the forehead. Lori answers "of course, I can email you all of the details with what times would look like and pay. Is that alright?"

"Yes, of course. Thank you!" I say back, smiling to Sonny.

"I look forward to hearing from you, have a good night." She says.

"Thanks, you too!" I return and hang up.


	55. Chapter 55: Normalcy

"Who was that?" Sonny asks once I'm off the phone.

I quickly answer with a more important question "what happened at IAB?"

He rolls his eyes but tells me "nothing, really. They just asked questions about everything from us to Jacob and Jason and all that."

"And all that? Meaning the mess I got you into?" I advert my eyes, guilt washing over me again.

He sighs and says "no mess you did Addison. Come on, I've told you that before. Don't do that to yourself."

I exhale this time, moving to finish the meal I was making "I know, I'm sorry I just— until you're back at work without restrictions I'm going to feel like it's all my fault."

Sonny wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close to his chest "I go back in two days. I'm telling you, it's going to be alright."

"If you say so." I return to him.

He kisses me on the cheek then asks again "who was on the phone?"

You stir the food while answering "I went on a few job interviews today, got a call back about a different position then I interviewed for."

"well thats great! Doing what?" He asks next.

You shrug and answer "not sure, the original job was working with troubled youth but now she offered me a sort of assistant position, to learn more about what the company does. I don't know." I say back, not sure if that's what I really want to do.

"Why not? It sounds like they want you to know more about what they do so your prepared for the job. It could be a great learning opportunity." Sonny explains back, moving to the fridge to get out some wine.

"That's true, she said she'll email me the details so I guess I could look that over after dinner." I mull it over again in my head.

Sonny comes back over towards the stove "why don't you go look at that now, take a bath and relax. Let me finish dinner."

You eye him carefully and say "you don't even know what I was making."

He smiles and says back "I can figure it out. Come on, go relax. I'll finish up in here."

He already took the spoon out of your hand and you smile up at your fiancé "how'd I get so lucky?" You ask as you start to walk off to get your phone.

He corrects me by yelling back "how'd we get so lucky!"

After relaxing in the bath for around 30 minutes I throw on Sonny's bathrobe and make my way to him. I stop short in the hallway, startled and embarrassed. I catch Sonny pleasuring himself on his couch, his head back "oh god, I'm so sorry!" I mutter harshly, my cheeks flushing red.

I start to retreat back to his room to hide but he chuckles, quickly standing up and pulling up his pants "I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself knowing you were naked just a room away from me."

I shake my head "no, no. I'm sorry." I utter out to him again, guilt washing over me. We've only been making out since the time we had sex and it's so easy for me to forget that even though I don't have needs right now, he does. By the time he reaches me he goes to say something but I quickly get out "Sonny, I'm sorry. I haven't been paying any attention to your needs at all."

He squints his blue eyes at me, tilting his head down and closer to my eye level "my needs? Doll, you're all the need I'll ever need. You know that."

I shake my head "but.." I muster, eyeing the couch where I just caught him.

He pulls me close into his chest "but that's just something I do sometimes to let out a little tension. It doesn't make me upset or anything Addison."

I sigh, truly amazed at how great he is. He starts to walk me towards the kitchen and I allow him to take my hand. I sit down and he takes the food out of the oven. Once the dishes are served and ready to eat, I say "if this meal is better than what I had planned, I'll finish what you started over there." I throw my head to the side to gesture to the couch yet again.

Sonny smiles but coyly returns "you don't have to do that, let's just enjoy dinner."

I quickly answer "but I want to. Really. You just made dinner and forced me to relax. It's bound time you get to relax some too."

He eyes me skeptically, trying to read the situation. Eventually his squinted eyes relax and he picks up his fork to eat. He whispers a simple "whatever you say" before taking his first bite.

"I don't know why I even try to cook you dinner." I get out after pushing my plate away "you're meals are always so much better!" I smile.

He throws his napkin onto the table "I love your cooking!"

"Yah, yah. You're just saying that. You know yours is better." I tease back, knowing we both know the truth. He chuckles, standing up to get the dishes "hey, I can do that." I stand up, following behind him with our now empty glasses of wine.

He places the plates into the sink "just going to let them soak a bit. What do you say to some ice cream and a movie?"

"I'll skip ice cream for now, I'm stuffed! But a movie sounds nice." I return agreeing.

He takes the two glasses, putting them down to refill them and we make our way into the living room "what's it going to be?" He asks, turning the tv to the movie stations.

He scrolls through a few when he stops to read one "lets watch that one?" I say, figuring if he stopped to read it, it may be something interesting.

"Alright." He hits purchase and we cuddle up onto the couch together.


	56. Chapter 56: Working Days

I start to run my hand up and down Sonny's thigh, keeping my promise from earlier in the night. I slowly inch it closer and closer to his groin, allowing my touch to arouse him. Sonny doesn't say anything, just keeps his gaze in front on the television. When I finally move my hand to his pant button, he looks at me "You sure?"

"Positive" I smile back. He moves his hand to help and he's unbuttoned and unzipped in moments.

I slide my hand down his pants and under his boxer briefs and lightly run my finger down his shaft. He shutters when I first touch him but he exhales in what I hope was a pleasureful sigh. I wrap my fingers tightly around him and pump up and down. I drop down to the floor, letting go of him to move his pants and boxers off of him. Once they are at his knees, I return my hand to his member but also slowly lower my head down. My lips part just a little as I take him into my mouth and I slowly lower all the way down. My mouth replaces where my hands were as I bob up and down. His breathing becomes panted as I continue to pleasure him and he mutters out pleasantries. "Okay, okay" He stammers and I know he's finishing. I move my mouth off and finish him off with my hand. His warm sperm shoots out, landing on his shirt and my hand. I move to the kitchen for a towel and wash my hands. I give him the towel to wipe off what he needs to wipe off and he pulls up his pants "c'mere" he pulls me down onto the couch with him. "I love you" He says, leaning down to kiss me.

"I love you too" I return, happy I could make him happy.

He runs his hand through my hair "you want me to repay the favor at all?" His eyes are sincere as he asks that, not wanting to pressure me.

I tell him "I'm alright." And he leans in to kiss me again. We finish watching the rest of the movie before crawling into bed.

The following day Sonny returns to work and I meet up with Lori to finalize the job. After a few hours of talking and meeting some of the staff, she explains what her expectations are "so, you're going to schedule everything. You'll need to stay in contact with all the sponsors and me and plan around what works best for us and for the kids. It can get tedious at times." She warns "I also want you around for any meetings we have with people from the city or case workers." I jot down notes, thrilled she is investing so much into me from the start.

At the end of the day, I go back to Sonny's feeling refreshed. He comes home late that night, a look of defeat on his face "tough day?" I ask him as he runs his hands down my back in our embrace. He simply nods and exhales, holding me tight to him "I'm sorry" I say, knowing how ugly his job is. Sonny skips eating and the two of us head to bed early.

The next week whirls by as I become engrossed in my new job. I start to learn so much and become a real part of that family. Sonny's meeting with IAB hasn't been brought up and we all just assume things have blown over. One Tuesday at work, Sonny manages to stop by and surprise me with lunch "hey Adds." He walks in with a bouquet of flowers and a doggie bag of food.

"Hey!" I smile wide, happy to see him. "Aww, thank you, they're beautiful." I compliment the flowers before leaning up on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. I take both things from his hands and set them down at my desk. "Come meet my boss" I pull him by the hand to the doorway across the room. I knock on the door lightly and call in "hey Lori, you have a minute?"

"Sure, come in!" She exclaims.

She sees the two of us walk in and she stands, a smile on her face "you must be Sonny, it's so nice to meet you." She puts her hand out for a greeting.

Sonny takes it "it's a pleasure to meet you Lori. Addison says the nicest things and I think what you're doing here is truly wonderful."

"Well thank you, it's a small business but I hope we can make a difference." She returns. "What brings you this way?"

Sonny shrugs "we got a case around the corner, I just wanted to stop by and say hi." With that, he actually looks down at his watch "speaking of, I gotta go." He waves towards Lori "it was a pleasure meeting you!" He then leans down to kiss me "I'll see you later, love you."

"Love you, be safe!" I call back to him as he leaves the room.

Before I could thank Lori for being cool with him stopping by, she asks "that was so sweet, how long have you been engaged?"

"About 3 weeks?" I ask out loud, wondering if it's really been just about a month.

"Aww, awesome! We'll have to go out one night and hear all about the proposal!" She says excitedly. I nod, not really sure how I'd explain it but luckily that's for another time as her phone rings and I leave the room to return to my work. Before I leave that evening, Lori catches me and says "so, what do you say to a group dinner this weekend? We all usually try to get together once a month to relax and let loose."

"Oh, that sounds fun. Sure!" I say back, happy to have been invited.

She smiles "great, we usually meet at this bar downtown at around 6 for happy hour. I can text you the details."

"Great, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow"! I call back as I leave the office.


	57. Chapter 57: Girls Night

When Friday rolls around, Lori sends me the details for happy hour. I anxiously get home from work and change my outfit three different times. I haven't had a girls night out of fun and drinking in what feels like forever. I didn't make a lot of friends when I first moved here and I feel great that Lori and everyone at work is accepting me so quickly into their work family. I know sonny and the SVU team have accepted me but it's different with these people. None of them really know what happened to me over the past year and I'm excited for people to like me for me and not just because they pity me. I meet them at the bar and Lori waves me over happily "Addison, hey!" She says as I get closer "you've met Cheryl and Casey" she points to the two women next to her.

"Hi, nice to see you guys." I return with a wave.

"This is Gia, Maycee and Diana." She says who the next three ladies are.

I shake each of there hands and then take a seat in the open chair across from Gia. The waitress comes around and I order myself a vodka soda. All of the girls start to talk about work and what's been happening lately. It reminds me of what working in a school was like and I just smile and listen. Eventually, the conversation turns more personal as Gia asks Diana how her latest date went. "The Guy was such a loser! I can't even begin to tell you how bad the date was!" Diana starts to explain.

"That's why you don't go on dates with people from tinder!" Maycee comments back with a chuckle.

"Well, there aren't that many options now a days." Diana returns, sipping her margarita.

Casey says "it's true, not all of us can be as lucky as Cheryl and Desmond."

Cheryl waves her hand "oh, come on. You guys just need to keep trying. What about you Addison? You're engaged, how did you guys meet?"

There's the question, right off the bat. How do I explain that Sonny was the officer I first opened up to after my rape. As if Lori can tell I was struggling with answering in the 3 seconds before she spoke she jumped in "actually, let us hear how he proposed?"

All the eyes at the table widen and they eagerly wait for me to share. This one is actually easier to answer, because I can leave out parts of the story that involve me being the reason sonny was in the hospital anyway. "Sonny was actually injured on the job so I went to the hospital. I was waiting with his team for any news when the doctor came out and said we could see him."

"Oh, was he shot?" Gia asked at my pause.

Casey lightly taps her on the arm "G, you can't just go and ask her if he was shot. Come on."

I smile and answer anyway "He was, actually. But anyway, I wasn't going to go in just yet, yanno, I figured his team would want to talk to him first but they insisted I go in with them."

Two of them "aww."

I continue "So when we get in there, he asks me to come over to him. He holds my hand and tells me how he never thought he'd get to be a husband after that night and how he wanted to marry me."

"Stop. That's so cute." Cheryl gushes.

I blush a little and Diana then asks "so, you said yes?"

"Well, I think I tried to talk him out of it but he just assured me, in front of the people he cares about most, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me." I finish the story.

"Well fuck, there goes the last romantic guy in the city." Lori jokes, raising her glass in the air "congratulations Addison."

All of the girls raise their glasses and we cheers. I keep my drinking to a minimum but have a really fun night with everyone. When everyone starts to part ways, Lori and I begin walking in the same direction. I take this opportunity to thank her "thank you for chiming in earlier, when they were asking how Sonny and I met."

Lori shrugs "well, I could tell in your face you just weren't ready to talk about it. I get it."

"It's just a really complicated story and—" I go to explain, feeling the need to do that since she's my boss.

She simply holds up her hand "no need, you don't have to tell me right now. Or ever. I'm just glad you're a part of my team now."

"Thank you, I am too." I say back. She turns another block down and I decide to catch a cab for the rest of the way. When I get to Sonny's, he still awake and on the couch watching TV "hey" I say as I kick my shoes off.

"Hey pretty lady, how was tonight?" He asks, looking at me with a smile. He turns the TV off and adjusts himself on the couch as I go over to join him.

I respond "it was actually a lot of fun. It was good to just kind of go out and try to forget a bit, live a bit."

"Good! I'm glad!" He leans in to kiss me on the lips. He pulls away and says "I have left over pasta in her fridge if you want some." He goes to stand up, probably just waiting for me to get home before going to bed when I grab a hold of his hand to stop him. He looks at me, reading me and asks "what's wrong?"

I tell him honestly "I don't know what to tell people when they ask how we met." He sits back down, thinking. We just look at each other in silence until I ask him "what do you tell people?"

"Well, I don't really have any people to tell. But if someone were to ask me I would just say I met you on the job." He answers back. I nod as if that makes sense, because for him it does. However, I wasn't on the job. I was hiding in my apartment after my rape when Sonny cane knocking on my door. Of course, it's like he knows what I'm thinking and adds on "but I could see why you would have a hard time telling people how we met. If you want, we can say something else to people. We can say we met online, at a bar, friends house."

"No, no, no. I don't want to lie. I just don't know what to say." I return and then shrug.

"Well, I don't want you to be uncomfortable to tell people either. It's totally okay with me to just say something easy like.." he thinks for a second, then snaps "we met when we bumped into each other in the crosswalk." I give him a side-eye, telling him that would be silly to say. I smile though, and he just kindly says "whatever makes you happy Addison, I'll say that. You tell me how we met and that's what I'll stick to."

"Okay, thanks babe." I shake my head a little. I don't intend to come up with some lie of how we met. I just wanted him to know how I was feeling about it. Sonny and I go to bed after that, and I end up tossing and turning most of the night trying to think of someway to explain to my boss how I met my fiancé.


	58. Chapter 58: Reconnect

The next night Olivia asked me to dinner. I meet with her and Amanda at a bar down the street from the precinct. After the drinks arrive and we order food, Olivia says "so Sonny mentioned something at work today."

"Mmmm?" I hum out, not sure what she could be referring to.

Ananda chimes in "he said you're worried about telling people about how the two of you met."

My eyes lower to my drink, not sure how to respond. Olivia answers before I could even really think "Addison, you know there's nothing to be ashamed of. You've overcome your rape. You are more than that, it doesn't define you."

I sigh, wishing it was as easy to feel that way as it was to hear it. I say back to them "I know but how do you tell people, some who you just met, that your fiancé was the officer who arrested your rapist?"

"There, just like that." Amanda smirks at me, then takes at sip of her beer.

I give her a glare and then Olivia adds "you don't have to go into details about it. You don't have to say anything about it if you don't want to, but you don't have to lie."

"So, what? I just say my fiancé is an SVU detective and we met when he was taking my statement?" I ask.

"Yea, or that you guys met when he was out on a call." Amanda shrugs out another way to word it.

I sip my drink and nod slowly "I guess. I just hate the pity." I reiterate to them.

"Then don't let them pity you. Again, your rape doesn't define you. It's in the past. If you say it and own it, without expecting them to pity you, more times than not you won't get it." Olivia explains. She goes on "I was almost raped when I was under cover years ago. I had a hard time talking about it, too. But eventually I had to remember that I'm more than my assault. I wasn't going to let this one incident in a lifetime of incidents be the one to change me."

I nod with semi wide eyes, happy she felt comfortable enough to share that with me. "Thanks guys. I know you're right. I'll do my best." Our food arrives then and the two of them share some small talk about work. We occasionally all come together and have some girl talk. It's more natural with them then it was the other night and I'm really starting to feel more like a friend to them and not just their partners fiancé. When we're all done and finishing our last drinks, Amanda just spits out "okay, I have to ask. How's carisi in the sack?"

My mouth drops a little at her bluntness and Olivia just shakes her head "and on that note, I'm leaving. I do not need to know about the sex life of my detectives. Night Rollins, see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Addison." She gives me a smile and takes her check and leaves the table.

I look at Amanda who just smirks at with me a shrug "sorry, is that too much?"

Although it's awkward, I decide to answer, hoping to get some advice from her "I think he's actually really good."

"You think?" She raises one eyebrow and asks me back.

I elaborate "we had sex once but I wasn't really all there. I thought I was ready for it but I guess I wasn't, guess I'm not."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She returns "he didn't like pressure you or—" she tries to ask.

I cut her off before she can finish the ludicrous question "no! Absolutely not. If anything I was more forceful about it. I thought if we just had sex I'd be over everything. But I don't even let him touch me, yanno."

She just stares at me, as if looking through me and reading everything in my mind. She adjusts in her seat ever so slightly and asks "Addison, when's the last time you had an orgasm?"

"What?" I ask, thrown off by another random question.

She clarifies her question "well, do you masturbate?"

"I, uhh.." I take a sip of my drink, gulping it all down before finishing my answer "I haven't self helped or orgasmed since before everything happened."

"That's your problem." She replies so nonchalantly, finishing her beer. Before I can ask what she means, she adds on "if you can't even feel comfortable touching yourself then how are you gonna feel comfortable letting carisi touch you?"

I think about what she says, realizing she does have a point. I slowly respond "yea, I guess. I just don't feel the need to like, orgasm anymore." My voice kind of hikes up at the end, wondering if that's really what I'm trying to say.

She sort of laughs and shakes her head "that's only because you're associating it with something bad. Once you associate it with something else, it'll get easier."

"How do you know so much about this?" I decide to ask her.

I don't expect her to give me an open answer like Olivia did about her assault, so I'm surprised when she says "my old boss in Georgia used his power to sleep with me. After I put a stop to it, I felt like no guy would want me. Turns out, I was reflecting this negative imagine onto myself that wasn't true. I had to get comfortable with myself again and with the choices I made if I wanted to move on." I nod as she finishes telling me her story. She then waves her hand over her head and hollers out "can I have 4 shots of tequila, please?" I see her eye the bartender who nods.

"Amanda? What? No." I argue.

"No, tonight you're going to get a little bit tipsy, go home and make yourself.. you know." She smiles deviously at me.

"No, I can't." I push back.

Her smile stays on her face "come on, I promise once you're good with yourself you and Sonny will be going at it left and right." She snaps.

"Did Sonny put you up to this?" I ask her, the shots now arriving.

She pushes two towards me "He did not, BUT I had a feeling he wasn't getting any." She lifts a glass into the air "to reconnecting to one's self!" I lift my glass up as well and reluctantly cheers the glass together.


	59. Chapter 59: Self Love

When I get to Sonny's he is sitting at the kitchen table pouring over some work files "hey, party animal" he jokes when I come in.

I close the door and lock it, the multiple tequila shots making things spin around a bit "heyy" I slur back.

He must catch on to my state of being because he sits up straighter in the chair and eyes me with a sort of squint "everything okay?"

"Yup!" I say happily as I walk closer to him "I'm gonna shower before going to bed, I'll meet you in there." I lean down and kiss him softly on the lips. When I pull away he's still midway from going for more so I oblige. After, I quicken my pace to the shower just a bit, feeling excited. Once the water has been running down my body for a few minutes I take the shower head off. I adjust the pressure to something stronger and hold it near my stomach. After a few seconds of hesitation I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I picture Sonny, the first night we made out at the motel. I remember the pit in my stomach and the feeling of content that overwhelmed me that night. All of the other memories of him kissing me, hugging me, rubbing my arm gently up and down begin to flood my mind and I subconsciously move the shower head down. The strong pressure coursing against my core as I relive all these moments makes it so I can feel the tingling of an orgasm rather quickly. My legs start to quiver as I come closer to finishing and as I get further into my orgasm I imagine Sonny touching me, caressing me, slipping inside of me. When I'm done I put the pressure back to normal and return it to its resting position. I let the water run back over me as I come down from the euphoria. I quickly wash and condition my hair. After I'm done redressing and and brushing out my hair, I head into the bedroom.

Sonny's already in his bed, under the blanket with just a bit of his boxer briefs showing. I go to the end of the bed and smile at him, waiting for him to catch my eye. He looks up from his phone for a second then does a double take "what?" He asks with a smirk, knowing I'm up to something.

"Anything familiar?" I ask him, putting my hands on my hips.

It takes him a minute but his smirk turns into a full smile when he puts it together "you're in my t-shirt, the one from the motel."

I nod and then whisper back "remember what you said to me?"

He doesn't skip a beat and responds "you laying here in bed with me, wearing my T-shirt is drivin' me crazy." I chuckle as he says it, moving from the end of the bed and crawling up it. I straddle him as I did that night and our mouths explore one another's. I allow the feeling of joy come back into my body. Not just my heart but my entire body. I slowly start to move on top of him, grinding just a bit as our tongues fight for dominance. We do this for almost an hour before he pulls away and huskily whispers "I really need to get some rest, it's past midnight." But his lips then lock back onto mine for a few more minutes.

When I pull away, I smile and tell him "I love you."

"I love you, too." He replies, moving a strand of hair away from my face. I crawl off of him and under the blankets. He reaches over to turn off his light and then he returns to wrap an arm around me. I let the sound of his breathing lull me to sleep.

Sonny gets up before me as usual and when he goes to leave he comes back into the room "have a good day, darling." He kisses me on the forehead signaling for me to get up and get ready for my job. It's a new routine but one I'm happy to get used to.

"You too, bye babe." I call back as he walks out of the bedroom. When the front door closes I swing my feet onto the floor and begin my day. That afternoon as I eat lunch at my desk, Lori comes in with her cell phone in hand "hey, everything okay?"

"Well, there's this award ceremony the state is throwing tomorrow night and we have a table for 8. We had it filled but Cheryl and Dez had to back out so we have two extra spots. I know it's a bit last minute but if you'd like to come, you and your fiancé are welcome to."

"Oh, wow. That's really nice. It's tomorrow night?" I ask her, wanting to confirm before I even mention it to Sonny.

She answers "yes, if you can't, I totally understand."

"I mean, I don't have any plans but I don't know if he has to work or not." I explain to her.

"Well, even if it's just you that's okay. It'll be a fun night." She returns "you think you could let me know before the end of the day?"

I nod "yea, I'll reach out and see what his plans on."

"Great!" She quickly exclaims, turning to go back to her seat.

I pull out my cell phone and shoot him a text

Addison: Hey! So Lori's got a table at this benefit tomorrow night and invited us. Are you working?

I get a reply back from him a few hours later

Sonny: shouldn't be working too late, I could always meet you there if I end up getting stuck for a bit. Sounds fun, we should go.

Addison: yeah, I think so too. I'll let her know.

Sonny sends back a thumbs up emoji and I tell Lori that we'll be joining them tomorrow at the benefit. She tells me it's semi-formal and hands me an invitation with all the details.


	60. Chapter 60: Benefit Fun

After work on Friday I go home and start to get ready. I've never been to a benefit before but I managed to find a beautiful gold glitter pencil skirt and a black peplum top. I throw on some matching jewelry before working on my hair. I put it up in a simply up-do like bun and leave some strands to frame my face. I do my best brown smokey eye and throw my heals on. Sonny said he has to finish his paperwork before he leaves but will meet me there. When I arrive to the venue I stand off the side to wait for Lori who said she'd walk in with me. She arrives 10 past six "you look beautiful, glad you could make it." She says as she leans in to hug me.

Her dress is more then semi-formal and I compliment her "wow, you look stunning. Am I underdressed?" I second guess my skirt, wishing I went with a dress instead.

"No, you look awesome! Shall we head in?" She asks. I nod and the two of us walk inside. Once we get our seat assignment Lori goes straight to the bar. I follow along and get a glass of white wine. When I open my purse to pay she leans in and whispers "it's an open bar."

"Ahh" I say as I tuck the 20 back down. I find a few singles and throw them into the tip jar. When we get to our seats, everyone else is already there. I say hello to the two I know and meet everyone else. We take a seat and they all start to chat. I just sit and listen with a smile on my face, not really able to chip in on what they are talking about. Luckily, my phone rings after about 20 minutes and I see Sonny's name flash on my screen. I hold up a finger to Lori to let her know I'll be right back and pick up the phone "hey, you heading over?" I ask.

"I'm already here." He says and then I spot him walking into the room. He lowers his phone and waves to me as he walks over. I meet him halfway and he scoops me into a big hug "you look absolutely beautiful, Addison."

I blush but thank him "you look very nice yourself. You changed your jacket?" I notice the more formal one he has on now.

He leans down for a quick peck and says again "I mean it, you're gorgeous. I love you."

"I love you too." I blush again and accept his compliment "come on." I grab his hand and the two of us walk together to the table. Lori stands to greet Sonny as we reach the table "you remember Lori." I say as they meet.

"Of course, it's great to see you again. You look very nice." Sonny leans in to give her a hug.

"Thank you, I'm so glad you could make it." She returns to him. Before I could introduce everyone at the table, Lori does it for me. Sonny shakes hands with everyone as he greets them and I wait for him to come back around before sitting.

"So, the invitation said this was an annual event, how many years has your company been coming?" He asks Lori.

"This is our second year. Last year we couldn't manage to raise a gift for the auction so we're pretty excited about this year." She says back.

"Oh, there's an auction?" I ask, not realizing that.

Diana answers "it's a silent auction, they're going to open the doors after dinner is served."

"What item did you guys donate? This way I know which one to bid high on." Sonny smirks as he asks.

A few people chuckle and Lori answers "we donated two tickets for a 4 night cruise."

"Wow" I say, kind of shocked they managed to give that as a donation. It's a small company but they must be doing well. I'm happy I managed to get a job there. "Well, that's a very generous gift. I bet it'll get a lot of bids."

"We hope!" Lori agrees.

"I'm going to get a drink, anybody need anything?" Sonny asks the table. Everyone shakes their head but I ask him to get me another Chardonnay. When he returns, he places my glass down and sits back down.

A man I just met, Robert, asks Sonny "so, what do you do?"

Sonny answers "I'm a detective for manhattans special victims unit."

"Oh, wow. Interesting job. You like it?" He asks back.

Sonny replies "I like catching the bad guys, getting them off the streets."

I chime in "he's really good with the victims too, they all are. They save a lot of lives and help a lot of people in their darkest times."

Sonny puts his hand on my knee from under the table and I get chills across my body. He squeezes it gently. Gia, who brought her ex Liam, asks "were you a police officer before you were a detective? How does that work?"

Sonny goes into a bit more of detail explaining how one gets to be a detective. Dinner comes soon after that and everyone starts to pair off with their own conversations. Sonny continues to talk to Liam and Gia and Lori leans in and asks "so, I wanted to tell you something tonight." I lower my fork and look at her with curiosity, waiting for her to elaborate. She says "you've been doing such a good job these first months, I was wondering if you'd like to start seeing some kids?"

"Really? Already?" I ask, not expecting that.

She nods "you've picked up a lot already and I know you'd be good with them. It would be in addition to your current job. An extra two or three days a week. Are you interested?"

"Yes! Of course" I answer immediately "thank you so much!"

"No, thank you. You're a wonderful addition to our little family here." She smiles sincerely to me and leans in to give me a quick hug.


	61. Chapter 61: New Territory

After dinner, the MC comes back on stage to thank every group for their donations and for the work they've been doing in the communities. When he's done talking, the doors open to the silent auction and the dance floor is open. When Sonny is done talking to Diana he comes over from behind and wraps an arm around my waist "wanna go put some bids in?"

I look at him over my shoulder but then nod. He takes my hand and we walk over. The first two are very lavish and we joke about our offers "I mean, I could totally use a speed boat. What do you think, 300$?" I pick up the pen as if I'm going to write that down.

"Make it $250, it's a year old." He jokes back. I pretend to write down our information and we continue walking and looking at all the bids. We come to table with my company's cruise tickets and Sonny picks up the pen "what do you think we could offer for these? $1000?"

"A thousand? That's a lot of money Sonny." I return.

He shrugs "I guess but if we win this could be our honeymoon and then it'd be a really good deal."

"We don't need to go on a fancy honeymoon, I don't care about that." I tell him. We've talked a few more times about dates and he's slowly convincing me to have that New Year's Eve wedding. However, we never talked honeymoon. I always just assumed we'd take a long weekend upstate or maybe fly to Florida for the beach.

"Come on, we need to make an offer on something. This is perfect." He argues kindly.

I shake my head "if you're gonna make an offer then make it like $500. We can't spend too much money on this, we still need to plan the actual wedding." I remind him.

"Okay" he nods and starts to write.

When he's done he slips the paper into the box and turns to me with a smile. I ask "how much did you bid?"

"$502" He winks.

"That two dollars is coming out of your Thursday cannoli night fund." I tease him. He chuckles and we keep walking and looking at the rest of the items.

As we walk back into the main room, Sonny stops at the edge of the dance floor "dance with me?"

"To this?" I ask back, listening to whatever current pop song is playing that I don't know. He nods and smirks, lifting his arm up for me to take "are you serious?" I question more. He just keeps himself positioned the way he is and I decide to suck up whatever embarrassment I might have and agree. I take his hand and he wraps his fingers around mine. He pulls me close to him and I let him lead us on a slow swaying motion.

"I have an idea" He pulls just a bit away to meet my eyes. I keep his stare as he says "whatever the next song is, that'll be the song we do our first dance to." I laugh and shake my head a little thinking he's joking. He says "I'm not joking."

"What if it's something weird like the cotton eye joe? Or like a rap song?" I ask him with my mouth hanging open just a bit.

"We'll come up with a dance if we have to. Come on, it could be a lot of fun!" He tries to push the idea onto me.

I squish my nose and want to say no but it does actually sound like something that could be fun. I grit my teeth as I say "okay, fine." He beams with pleasure at his idea winning me over and we continue to sway slowly to the upbeat pop song still playing. When the song starts to come to an end, the dj gets on the microphone and calls to all the couples. I perk up a little, figuring we might actually get a song that's decent for a wedding song. Sonny's face almost matches my surprised one and we smile at each other as we wait to hear the song. The song changes and after hearing a few notes I sigh with relief and utter lowly "I love this song."

Sonny whispers "I know" as we continue to dance, now more in the middle of the floor.

"Did you do something?" I ask him curiously.

He shrugs the shoulder that my left hand is resting on "I may have stopped by the dj booth when I went to the bathroom before."

"You jerk, you planned it!" I tease him, not actually upset about it. He just keeps a smile on his face and leads me. When the song is close to ending I try and get on my tip toes, already a bit taller due to my heels and I whisper into his ear "lets get married on New Years."

He pulls away and his eyes are glistening with joy "yeah?" He asks. I nod to confirm and his lips are quickly against mine. He pushes hard where I can't kiss back and when he pulls away he quickly says "I can't wait to marry you."

"Me, too." I reply, feeling as if things might actually turn around for me. He kisses me again and leads me off the floor as the song ends. We grab another round of drinks and sit back down at the table. We talk with a few people but as the wine starts to hit my head I slip my heel off my right foot and begin to use it to rub it against his calf. He doesn't skip a beat as he talks to Lori and Liam. I throw out a comment to act as if I'm engaged in the conversation but I decide to up my game just a little. I put my shoe back on and grab myself another glass of wine, only this time when I return I sit more across from him then next to him and start up a conversation with Cheryl. After a few minutes, my shoe is back off and my foot is back to rubbing at his lower leg. I begin to slowly inch it up towards his knee and spend some time going up and down there. With still no evidence of him being affected by this I push my foot up further, rubbing it against his inner thigh. His eyes flicker over to mine for only a few moments before he tries to focus again on the conversation. I smirk, agreeing with whatever Cheryl just said and return my foot to his inner thigh. I can see the muscles in his face tense as he tries to focus on what's happening above the table but I keep the pressure on as I literally put some pressure against his thigh, making his leg move.

He coughs and says out "I need another beer, can I get anyone anything?" He stands up and stares at me, hiding a smile. As everyone declines his offer he moves to walk towards the bar. I do my best to discretely put my shoe back on and excuse myself from the table. I meet Sonny at the edge of the room as he waits for me, leaning against the wall "what are you doing?" He asks coyly.

"Nothin'" I simply respond, hoping he's getting my message. This is a bit of new territory for us and I'm interested to see how he takes it.

He leans down and says lowly into my ear "sure felt like something to me. Wanna get outta here?"

"Yes" I nod as I answer and we both smile wide.

He takes my hand and walks quickly to the table. We say our goodbyes using Sonny's job as or excuse "they're going to announce the winners, you don't want to stay to see if you won anything?" Lori asks as she hugs me.

Sonny answers as they hug "they'll call if we win. I really should get home."

"Addison, we're going out after. You should stay, come with us." Cheryl calls out from where she's seated.

Lori smiles and nods, agreeing to the idea. I try and gently put them down "no, I'm going to call it a night. But thank you for inviting us tonight. It was a lot of fun. I'll see you guys on Monday." We wave as we leave, and the moment we get into the lobby area, Sonny lowers his hand from my waist to my ass and squeezes it just a bit.


	62. Chapter 62: His Pleasure

Sonny's leg bounces as we drive to the apartment in the back of the cab. Once there he throws up some cash, telling the driver to keep the change and he quickly unlocks the front door. Once inside the elevator, he turns to me and lightly pushes me against the wall "damn, I've been fighting my erection for so long." His breath brushes against my face as his head turns and his lips brush onto my neck. I exhale, pushing everything out of my head except him and his body against mine. When the elevator opens he doesn't stop what he's doing and continues to suck at my neck. To engrossed to say anything the doors close and we just continue with what we are doing. There's a cough and it grabs both of our attention. Sonny leans off of me but stays close to me and utters an apology to whatever neighbor was unlucky enough to wait for the elevator at that moment. The man gets in, pushes the button for a floor a few above his and the door starts to close. "Excuse me" Sonny says, leaning forward to press his floor number. Once on the floor, we both utter another apology and go to the front door. When we're inside, Sonny asks "couch or bedroom?" As he starts to work at the tie around his neck.

"You choose" I say, moving to unbutton his belt.

"Couch" he replies as I get it undone "only because I think you can get me naked before we even make it to the couch." I smile but keep doing what I'm doing. The pit in my stomach is one I want to keep, one I want Sonny to turn into an orgasm. When he gets to the edge of the couch, I pull his pants and boxer briefs down in one swift pull. I quickly put him into my mouth, before he could even sit and I start bobbing back and forth. "Oh, ahhhh. Okay, yah." I hear him utter as I start, probably thrown off by my eagerness. I do my best to take his entire length into my mouth, keeping my throat as open as possible. When I feel his legs start to shake I know he's close so I stop sucking and start using my tongue, licking him up and down. I know this brings him back down just a bit and I want to prolong him from going. I can feel my underwear dampen as I pleasure him and I want him to know he did this to me when it's my turn. When he stops shaking and begins humming his pleasure again I go back to putting him fully in my mouth. It doesn't take too much longer before his warm seed shoots out of him and down my throat. I try and take it all in and when I take him out of my mouth he plops down on the couch. I look up to him from where I kneel on the floor and he smirks "I just can't with you, you know that?"

"What?" I ask him back, staying where I am.

"I just love you, all the time. That's all." He replies. I smile, happy to hear that but waiting for him to ask me what he asks me every-time after oral. He asks "can I repay the favor?" With the same cocked eyebrow he always gives me.

"Yes" I say this time.

It throws him, as every other time he's offered I've declined and he makes sure he heard me correctly "yes?" I nod to confirm to him what I said. He stands up, offering his hand to me "come here." I accept it and follow him into the bedroom. He leads me to his side of the bed and starts to kiss me. His tongue rubs across my bottom lip and I try to lightly bite it. He pulls away so I couldn't, and instead of returning his lips to mine he puts them to my neck. His hands come from around my waist and start to work at the three top buttons of my peplum top. Once he's done, he pulls his lips off my neck and lifts my shirt over my head. They return before the fabric hits the floor but he begins to lower the kisses down. He lightly squeezes the left breast as his lips meet the upper part of my right one. He leaves the lightest of kisses there but lowers his head further down. He places the same kisses down my stomach as he gets closer to the floor. When he's on his knees, his hands are on either side of my hips, ready to pull down my skirt. He looks up, making sure I'm okay and I nod. He lowly lowers the skirt, leaving kisses down every few inches. When the skirt hits the floor, he leaves the final kiss near my ankle and looks up. He uses his hands at my hips to push me back a little. I oblige and I watch as he eyes me up and down. He brings his hands back to my hips, pulls me closer to him and rests his forehead against my stomach "you're so beautiful, I'm so fuckin' lucky." I hear him whisper out.

"Sonny, please?" I beg, needing some kind of pleasure from him. Before I can react, he stood up and turned me so I'm now laying on the bed.

He climbs on top of me and gives me a few kisses, when he pulls away he says "if you want to stop at all, just tell me. Okay?"

All I do is nod, knowing I won't be asking him to stop tonight. He lowers his head to my core and pulls my underwear down and off. Two of his fingers start to lightly run up my legs causing chills to run up my body. Once at my thigh, he uses his other hand to open my other leg a bit more. Those same two fingers slowly meet my entrance and he pushes them in "ahh" I let the sigh escape my lips.

"You're so wet" Sonny says "I was just going to use my hands, but I need to do this. Please?" He asks, looking up at me for permission. His fingers push in and out slowly as he asks and waits for my answer. I nod again, the feeling of pleasure to overwhelming to use words. His mouth quickly joins his hands and his tongue runs up and down my slick folds "so sweet" I manage to hear him mutter. The pushing of his fingers inside of me get faster and a bit more forceful as he spins his tongue around and sucks my clit.

My eyes close, the feeling of him pleasuring me being way more powerful then what the shower-head did. As I feel myself come closer to orgasming, I begin to pant heavily, humming out his name "Sonny, yes. More. Please. Keep going. Yes." He must like what he hears cause I can feel his fingers inside of me, reaching farther in to help get me to my orgasm. "Faster" I manage to mutter as I start to cum, remembering what I like and telling him then and there. He pushes his fingers in and out faster than he was doing and he pushes his tongue up and down hard against my clit, knowing he's gotten my sweet spot. "Yesss, uhh yess. So.. uhhh. Baby, thank you." I get out in a sort of horse whisper, letting him know I've finished.

He lifts his head up, smiles at me and says "You taste sooo good" and he puts his fingers into his mouth to suck on the rest of my juices.

I roll my eyes and say back "stop." And try to close my legs.

"Uh-uh. I'm not done yet." He returns his mouth to where it was as starts to lick up and down again. Instead of his hands going inside though, he uses it to hold open my folds. He licks everything, over and over again and I can feel the same pit in my stomach as before.

"Sonny, I'm— I'm gonna go a—again." I shutter out; my back arching as I get closer to another orgasm. He either ignores me or didn't hear me and continues to pleasure me. As I finish again, he slows his pace and sucks just a few times before finishing. He crawls up the bed to meet me eye to eye and we smile stupidly at each other "you're good at that." I tell him, still feeling the sensation down there.

He replies "I've wanted to make you cum for so long now. Thank you for letting me do that." He leans in for a kiss.

"I'm sorry it took so long." I answer him, feeling a bit bad now.

He replies "Don't be sorry babe. I'm glad it happened tonight and not sooner. It was the perfect night."

"Yea, it really was." I agree, moving my head so I can lay on his chest.


	63. Chapter 63: Old Friends

Things with Sonny and I have never been so good. After the night I finally let him pleasure me, he's been doting over my sexual needs everyday. He tells me every time he goes down on me how sweet I taste and how he can live off of my juices alone if he had to. Every time he says it, I roll my eyes but in reality it just draws me more sexually closer to him. I know it wont be much longer before I'm ready to have sex with him again. Things with work are great for both of us as well over the last month. I've started working with a few kids after hours and Sonny's officially done with being looked at by IAB for everything that happened with the governor. Although I agreed to have a New Years Eve wedding, we got into a small argument about it recently. "Sonny, your parents will be devastated if you don't get married in a Catholic Church! We have to find one that'll do it on New Years."

He shakes his head "I don't want to be married in a Catholic Church. That's not my life anymore."

I argue back "yes it is. You still go to church some Sunday's with your parents. I hear you sometimes praying at night."

He lets that sink in for a moment before he says "there is no churches that will stay open that late on New Years to marry someone. It just doesn't happen."

"Oh, come on. You're a cop, I'm sure you'd be able to pull some strings." I return "besides, New Years was your thing and mine is being married in a Catholic Church. You have to give it to me."

He sighs and says "it's not that easy. You're not Catholic, Addison."

"Who says I'm not catholic?" I return, never having telling him what religion I was raised.

He raises his eyebrows up high and questions "but whenever we prayed at dinner you never said anything, and when I got you that cross, and when my parents met you. I thought you weren't religious?"

I explain "my parents raised me catholic. We used to go every Sunday. But after my parents died I kind of was in between with my faith. And then after my rape, I just didn't believe God would let that happen to someone, to me."

"but now things are different?" He asks.

"yeah" I say back quickly "whenever I hear you praying, I take a moment to pray myself and when I do, I realize that everything I've been through, we've been through, was all God's will. If being raped was the way I managed to get you into my life, then that was the way it was suppose to be. It's been hard, but I have you."

He's biting his lower lip partially as I speak and a few moments of silence after, he says back in a low voice "I had no idea you we're rebuilding your relationship with Christ."

I nod, confirming I have been "few weeks now."

He stops biting it and says "not going to lie, that's kind of turning me on right now."

I lean up on my tippy toes and kiss him on the lips "so, we can get married in a church?"

He nods "if we can find one to marry us on New Years then yes, we can. My family will love that."

"I will too!" I add on and we move ourselves to the couch.

A few weeks later, Lori invites us over for dinner on a Saturday evening and Sonny manages to get off work early so he can pick me up and we go together. Once at her apartment, she welcomes us in and gives us a tour. It's not the biggest apartment in Manhattan but damn if it isn't large. She has someone cooking for us, and Sonny is bold enough to ask "so, the company must be doing well. Your apartment is great, have you lived here long?" He asks looking out at the skyline.

"Sonny" I nudge him in the side, embarrassed at his boldness.

He gives me a look but Lori just chuckles and answers "I just moved in a few weeks ago actually. The company is doing well but this place used to be my great aunts. She gave it to me when she passed recently."

I widen my eyes as I look at him, telling him "I told you so." But he just shakes his head then returns to her "I'm so sorry for your loss, you were close?"

"We were. She raised me when my parents died. I was pretty young. She was a wonderful women." She walks to a mantel and grabs a photo off it. She shows it to us and we both compliment her.

As she goes to put it back, the door to her apartment opens and someone calls out "sorry I'm late!"

Although Sonny doesn't recognize the voice I place it immediately. I look to him with confused eyes but he just looks at me with a smirk and whispers "oh, did you know she was dating?"

"That's Jason!" I eagerly whisper back but just as I say the name he makes his appearance in the room.

He freezes and our eyes meet. Lori comes over to him and kisses him but he just stays frozen, as I am. He gets out "Addison, Sonny? Holy shit, what a small world!"

He finally moves his feet and walks closer to us. He shakes hands with Sonny as Lori asks "oh, you know each other?" She looks between all of us.

Sonny gently nudges me as Jason moves to say hello to me. We lean in for a quick hug and I say "uhh, yeah. Hey Jason, it's good to see you." I manage to string together a sentence as we part from our embrace. I bite my lower lip, my mind racing with questions. How did they meet? How long have they been together? Is this a coincidence?

I'm pulled from my own thinking when Jason addresses me "this is kind of cool, yet kind of weird. I guess we have a lot of talking to do. Can I get you guys a drink?"

"Yes!" I basically shout back "uhm vodka soda?" I request.

Sonny gives me a strange glare but it passes quickly and Jason nods to assure me they have that. He looks to Sonny who says "a beer is fine" and Jason claps and points at us before he leaves to get our drinks.

Lori says "I guess I should have mentioned I was inviting my boyfriend."

I shake my head "oh, no. It's fine. It's just been awhile since I've seen him, that's all."

"Well, he's such an amazing guy, I can't wait to hear all about how you guys know each other." She grabs my hand and pulls me to the couch. Sonny follows us and she waits for Jason to return with the drinks before we have to explain to her the story of us three.


	64. Chapter 64: Doubles Dinner

"So, did you meet Sonny at an event or something?" Lori asks her boyfriend, then sips her wine.

Jason has his hand on her knee and he replies while shaking his head "no, actually" Lori tilts her head with a smile as she waits for him to explain "Addison and I actually dated back in college."

"You two dated?" She then eyes me, then him, then me again and then back to him. Her posture straightens as she looks between us.

I quickly spit out "it was a long time ago Lori, we were only Freshman in college then."

She nods taking it in "but you must've still been friendly if you know who Sonny is. I mean, unless he went to college with you as well?" She eyes Sonny.

He shakes his head "No, I've only known Addison for almost a year now."

"I can't believe it's almost a year." I smile at him. I never try to think about it. Although it's the first time we met, it was also the same night as my rape. I'm nervous for that upcoming anniversary.

But Lori pulls my attention back to the awkward situation at hand "then how do you all know each other?"

Jason and Sonny both look to me, letting me be the one to come up with what I want to say to my boss. I first say to her "well, it's a long story but uhm, you remember that girls night when they asked me how Sonny and I met and you changed the subject, realizing I was uncomfortable."

She nods "Yeah, I figured it had something to do with that life changing event you mentioned when I was interviewing you for your position. I think I've put two and two together now." She nods towards Sonny, knowing that he's a detective for Special victims "you don't have to get into that."

I exhale and grin towards her, thanking her for saying that "thanks, but I kind of do. So, yes, I was raped and Sonny was the detective who took my statement but Jason fits into this because it was actually his half-brother who raped me."

She squints, not having a clue that he had a half brother. She looks at him and looks upset "why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"

"First, half-brother. And I never told you because I only found out this year after it happened and he was a rapist and a murderer."

She shakes her head "but your father is the Governor? How do people not know about this, this is insane."

Sonny chimes in "like she said, it's a long story."

Lori shakes her head "I uhh- well yeah, I guess it is. Alright well, this just turned into something pretty awkward. I'm sorry" she stands "I'll be back in just a minute."

Sonny, Jason and I all look at one another with no words. Eventually, Jason says "so I see a ring on your finger, did you two get engaged?" He smiles.

I smile when I turn to look at Sonny as he answers "we are!"

"Well congratulations, that's amazing!" Jason stands so he can give us both a hug.

We both thank him as he hugs us and then we all sit back down "should you go check on her?" I ask Jason, a bit nervous she hasn't returned. I look over my shoulder to see if she's on her way back yet.

But before he could answer, Lori comes around the corner "sorry, I needed to refresh my drink. Alright, so just to clarify here" She sits back down next to Jason "Addison and Jason dated in college. Fast forward and Jason's half-brother who he never knew existed raped Addison and that is how Addison got to meet Sonny?"

I go to say something back but Jason beats me to it "I mean, there's for sure a hell of a lot more involved but we shouldn't really get into that right now."

"Well, why not? I'm still very confused." She returns.

Again, before I can say something, Jason speaks "because talking about it now would be dredging it all up again for Addison and I don't think we should be doing that." His voice is firm, and I'm grateful for him for thinking of me "She seems to be in a really good place and all that stuff is not good dinner conversation."

Lori's eyes goes wide with realization as he says all this and she whips her head over to look at me "Oh my God, I am so sorry Addison! I wasn't even thinking. I am a terrible, terrible person." Her hand rests on top of her mouth.

"It's alright." I say with a small shrug.

She shakes her head "no, really. I am so sorry, I didn't even think about it that way. Wow, I feel so bad." Her hand goes to her heart "please forgive me? Oh my God, this is terrible."

I assure her "hey, it's alright. You know now how we all know each other and about my past and that's it, we're fine. I promise, I'm okay."

She gives me a thankful smile but also shakes her head "you are the nicest person, again, I am so sorry."

"It's fine" I promise "why don't we change the subject and you guys can tell us how you two met?" I put my hand into Sonny's and he wraps his fingers around it.

I worry for a second that the name Charles will come up, but Lori bows her head and says "a dating website. I know, totally cliche" She then adds on.

"Not at all" Sonny adds "its one of the easiest ways to date now a days."

"I was just looking for some fun and hooks ups, you know after everything that happened. But Lori changed all of that. She really gets me." Jason says, swooning as he looks at her.

I see then, how much he truly adores her and how happy Lori is. I say to them "that's wonderful. I'm really happy for you Jason." He smiles at me "you too, Lori."

The man who was making dinner comes out and tells us dinner is ready. We all go into the lovely dining room. The four of us have enjoyable conversations, and surprisingly all the awkward tension I was feeling was let go sometime during dinner.

After dessert, we are all laughing at a story Lori told and when we begin to come down from the laughter, Jason asks "can I get anyone another drink?"

"I'll take one more" I say, looking at my empty class.

He nods, stands and takes my glass "Sonny, will you give me a hand?"

I give Sonny a glare who actually gives one back this time but he agrees and gets up to help him with the drinks. Lori then says to me "I hope you know that everything you said here tonight will not leave this apartment. I am so sorry I made you come out and tell me what happened that way."

"Well, thank you. But it's fine, really. I haven't talked about it much, besides with Sonny because of all the pitiful looks I know people would give me. But it feels good to tell people about it and then to assure them I'm okay. Because I am." I explain.

"You're more then okay." She smiles "I'm so lucky to have you on my team."

"Thanks" I return "I'm lucky to be there. And I must say, I'm really happy for you guys. Jason seems so happy, and he deserves that, as do you."

"He does seem happy, doesn't he?" She gushes, looking through the open door frame to see if he comes back. She leans closer to the table signaling she's going to tell me something quieter so I lean in as well. She says "one of the reasons I wanted you two over was because you're engaged and so in love and I was hoping Jason sees all that he'd get the idea to propose."

Before I can respond, the two men then come back to the room with all our drinks and we leave and go back to the living room to catch up and finish our evening. When we leave, they both walk us to the door. "Although it started off weird, tonight was a great evening. I am so thrilled for you two!" Jason says as he opens the door for us.

"Thank you Jason, that means a lot to me." I tell him, actually meaning it. Before the rape, Jason was an important person to me. We had a past. And tonight made it seem like we may be able to have a future friendship. I give him a hug as Lori and Sonny hug as well.

We switch "thank you for having us over. You have a lovely home and we had a great time." I tell her.

"Thank you for coming, you're a great friend Addison." She returns "I'll see you on Monday."

"Bye guys!" We wave as we leave and they shut the door behind us. "That was-" I don't even have a word for it as we reach the elevator and press the button.

Sonny wraps an arm around me and pulls me to his side "yeah, it was weird."

We don't say anything more until we are on the street and begin walking home "I mean, this is just a coincidence, right?" I finally get to ask out loud to him.

"What do you mean?" He asks back.

I sigh "what are the odds that my ex boyfriend, the brother of the man who raped me and the son of the man who hates us is now dating my new boss. I mean, they said they met on a dating website. That seems totally plausible."

He kind of laughs and returns "why would it not be plausible? I think you're thinking too much about it babe."

I argue for the sake of arguing "am I? I mean, he flat out told me he was going to fight for me. I mean, he then said he would stop, he knew I was happy but come on. This is too weird to be a coincidence."

He replies "I think that's all it is Adds. Nothing that happened in there made me jump into detective mode. They both seem really into each other."

I nod, agreeing to that "yeah, I guess they did." I then hit his arm gently and smile "Lori even told me she's hoping he proposes to her!"

"See" he smiles back "they're just in love, like we are. But not as cute."

"Definitely not as cute." I agree, and we chuckle as we continue our walk home.


End file.
